Has anyone else been in this dark place and survived to tell the tale?

[ali23]

Basically, I'm on my knees with lack of sleep. DD is approaching 14 months, is running around, eats well and is still BF but doesn't sleep. She has just cut a rather large back tooth and I suspect there are at least two others just about to pop through. But last night was awful. I just need to know that others have been in this position and got there in the end. It feels like I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel this morning. I was awake with DD from 1.30am until 5am and then had to get up for work an hour later. I drove to work with fat, salty tears of exhaustion rolling down my cheeks. Somebody tell me that it gets better, that she will sleep. I just hope I don't end up in the loony bin before then. . Unless they've got some comfy beds.

It WILL get better - she will NOT be doing this at 18

Neither of mine were good sleepers. Ds (our first) was infinitely worse (& we handled it differently, which made us sleepier).
Fwiw, both of mine 'turned a corner' around 18 mths, through no specific intervention of mine. Neither of them turned into dream sleepers overnight, they just got very much better, although ds at 4 is now one of the better sleepers amoungst his peers.

Do you want help & advice or just sympathy/hope?

Yes I have cried through tiredness. It is horrible to feel so continually exhausted.
It will get better.

Have you any help/support?

I've been there with all of my 3. They simply didn't seem to need sleep until they reached about 3yrs old - sorry . Was also working which was ...erm...interesting.

I coped by co-sleeping and bfing at night. If we hadn't I dread to think what it would have been like. My youngest is 5 now and I still don't feel like I've recovered.

Hi guys. Yes, I've got a fair bit of support from DH as well as a great family network but it is a little demoralising that things never seem to get better.
Funnypeculiar, I think I just want to know that others have been here and sleep has visited their house eventually! I am really sick to death of people urging me to do CC which I'm just not into.
We have a good bedtime routine and about 6 weeks ago it seemed we were getting there. DD was sleeping throughfrom 8-ish until 5am (when she then wanted to start the day) but after such a decent sleep I could cope with that. However, it lasted around 5 nights and then we reverted to type.
I think the past few nights has been so tough because she is definitely in a bit of pain with her mouth, but I keep being told by friends etc that every kid the same age is teething yet haven't turned into creatures of the night. DD has never slept well and I just fear that it's never going to happen.

my 7 year old was a horror like this. Now I have to spend 15 minutes actually waking himin the morning...

Hi Ali. I work in a loony bin and we have very comfy beds . My 2.5 yr old has been just like this. I used to go to work feeling like I had been at an all night party minus the fun. It was all I could talk about and think about, why doesn't he sleep like all other children seem to, not fair! Then about 6 weeks ago for no obvious reason he has started sleeping from about 9pm till 8am. I still wake up at odd times in the night even though he doesn't and every morning I am amazed that he has slept. Hope it continues. So yes things will eventually get better (And yes it was always loads worse when teething.)

another one here - DD is 18m and has never really slept we play musical beds and I look like hell from lack of the important sleep that replenishes iyswim. But she has had a lot of health issues and I will never ever do CC. Co-sleeping has been my saviour at least I can rest while she fidgets about. I know it will get better and she will be the most amazing sleeper - I have hope.

I also cry in the morning, the lack of sleep turns you loopy.

I know ali23 said she hates controlled crying, but I have been through phases with ds (now 16 months) where I thought I was going to have to hand myself over to that lovely white place with the soft white walls... basically he can be a good sleeper, but when he has had a cold or teeth or some really understandable reason to be awake at night, he forgets how to once it is all over and that is where controlled crying has been incredibly helpful. And dh does it because I get too upset listening to him cry. He doesn't cry for more than 5 or max 8 minutes at a time, and once he is back to sleeping through again, he is a much happier little fellow!
Do know what you mean by being on your knees w tiredness though, and yes, we both have to get up and work in the morning. Dh has been very hands on, though I had to agree terms w him, otherwise he conveniently doesn't hear....

Yes, it gets easier ali but at the time it is soul destroying.
We have had a run of 15 broken nights as the little one is poorly and I honestly thought I was going mental - forgetting WHY I was in Tesco, putting dirty plates in the washing machine , crying for no reason etc...

Are you able to take a couple of days off work to catch up on some sleep during the day? Can someone take the little one for a few hours and let her run round at the park for example ?

Poor you (hug). It WILL get easier.

Oh, if you want some support on the non CC route - I gave in to the peer pressure with ds & tried it. Didn't work at all (& we were imo pretty hardcore about it). With dd we co-slept/did whatever got us all the most sleep. She slept through at the same age, & is on balance a better sleeper.

Hi ali23, I am also in the same place as you. My 18 month old has never been a good sleeper but recently got worse - the last 4 nights she hasn't gone to sleep til 1 or 2 then up again in the night sometime around 3am. I went to work yesterday like you with tears on my face and don't know how I got through the day. I am so tired and fed up with the sound of her crying over the baby monitor. She is crying now, supposed to be napping. It must be her teeth. I can't carry on like this much longer either. I don't know how an 18 month old is surviving on this little sleep as I can't. You are not alone in being utterly exhausted and tearful, lets hope it gets better soon for both of us and soon sleepless nights become a bad memory.

ali another one in the same boat. My DD is 15 months and has slept through the night precisely 3 times

Last night was awful. We went to bed at 10.30pm. Just after 11.30pm she was still mucking about rolling round the bed biting me. She finally went off about 10 to midnight only to be be up again at 1.30am, again just before 4am, again at 5am, again at 6am.

When I got her up at 8am to go to nursery and she grizzled through tiredness I just wanted her to get that's how I felt at 4am (and I know that's unreasonable but I could just cry I'm so tired )

Hi Ali23 and all others,

I don't want to sound hard, or anything - but can someone explain why exactly you are so opposed to CC? I know it's painful, and it feels like you are not being the 'perfect mother', but I was in this situation with my DS just a month or two ago, and like all of you - I was determined I would NEVER go down the CC route. Well, I had to. I wasn't just crying on the way to work, I was crying all the time! I felt like I was in a black, black tunnel and that no-one (not even DP..) could help me or reach me or understand how I felt. Eventually, I settled my boy, cuddled him, kissed him and left him in his cot to cry. Did I hate it? Yes. Did it work? Yes - after a night or two (no more) he just gave up. Realised there would be no more BF or nighttime games - and he was absolutely fine (in fact, less cranky during the day..) and I got my life back, my sanity survived and my relationship with mypartner survived (I think they were all at risk for a while!!) It's horrible - but you need to at least consider it....or where will you end up?

Sorry I can't offer better advice or support - I'm one of the ones who 'crumbled'!

Mhairi

Hi Ali - well, I could have almost written your post. DS is 15 months and is regularly awake for 2/3 hours in the night. I also work f/t and DH, though lovely in many ways, is not too hot at dealing with 'night issues'. I too am knackered most of the time. However, DS CAN sleep almost through and that's what I'm hanging onto. we're co-sleeping but putting him into a little bed very soon (he's huge and loathes the cot).

I just wanted to say that I'm sure there is a small army of exhausted mums of toddlers dragging themselves through a day at work - you're defeintely not alone!!

PS my HV said that, and I quote, "It's always the bright ones that don't sleep"

PS. I share your aversion to CC, especially in light of recent research. Mind you, I'm a complete softie and probably couldn't hack it in any case..!

It's lovely to know there are others who know what this is like. Well, not lovely since I wish we were all sleeping, but you know what I mean. We were up three times last night and strated today at 5am and it's tough.
Mhairi, on the CC thing, I just amn't really into it but I would never, ever pass comment on anyone who gave it a pop because I know what it's like to be so exhausted. My DD would, I think, cry forever. For example, last month I was working at night and I left the house at 7.30pm when she was sound asleep. She woke when I had been gone barely an hour and cried until I returned. By the time I returned at midnight DP and DD were both inconsolable. This was with loving hugs, comfort etc from her Dad so what she be like if left alone? I just couldn't do it to her. I think about it - all the time at 4am - but I know it's not for us. Sometimes I think this way: today I can wrap my arms around this little person and kiss away her concerns and fears and worries and she'll fall gently asleep on my shoulder. One day, in the not too distant future, she'll come to me upset and I can offer the same comfort - but I'll never be able to right her worls the way I can now. I'm a sap, I know I am. In fact, I know I'm a tired sap. But I hope we will all get there in the end.

i am only just recoverng after 3 years - ds2 started sleeping better last week at the age of 3 and a bit
baby 3 due in sept though

world! Ah, sleep depirivation!

to add - out oof the last fortnight - he has slept weell (asin woke once or slept through ) most nights
He only slept through for the first time a few weeks ago

It is demoralsing and exhausting and made me ill and forced me to cut down my work hours

So I know where you are coming from

I take my hat off to you all...but I know this, I could NOT have gone on any longer than I did. I was in danger of serious postnatal depression, and - worse than that - was starting to feel that I was becoming detached from my son. I used to fantasise about running away and leaving it all behind me, I was starting to feel that I was becoming emotionally detached from him (and my partner, who (irrationally, I know!), I blamed for not being 'enough support')and I used to think obsessively about my previous life and dream about the lack of responsibility, etc. that I had then. Not healthy. I am glad I did what I did, and that I now have a happy, healthy, boisterous baby (with a happy, healthy mum!) - and I have the greatest respect for you all. But I could not take it any longer. I suppose what we all need to do is recognise just that - when are we at breaking point, and need some help....

I have been psychotic through sleep deprivation. DS is 7 months and I haven't had more than 3 hours sleep at one stretch since he was born. We're trying CC this weekend. I know it'll be horrible but I just have to tell myself that 2/3 nights of horribleness will be worth the sleep after that. I quite fancy the loony bin, as at least I'd get some sleep...

I feel like we are all stating our prison sentences here.

I'm on 15 months and dd had 5 full nights in all that time.

I did loose my mind and finally had to give in and go on AD's because I felt so distanced from my dd and I began to hate her. She was waking every 90 minutes and it would take 30 minutes to get her back to sleep.

I tried CC, it was awful and it didn't work, I wish I'd never done it because it only added to my stress levels. But every baby is different and it has worked well for some of my friends.

We're doing the No Cry Sleep Solution and it is helping, even if it's just a tiny bit.

My nephew didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time till he was 2, my sister works as a teacher so she was like a walking zombie. Then suddenly he started sleeping 12 hours a night. This gives me hope.

Your not alone

I feel like we are all stating our prison sentences here.

I'm on 15 months and dd had 5 full nights in all that time.

I did loose my mind and finally had to give in and go on AD's because I felt so distanced from my dd and I began to hate her. She was waking every 90 minutes and it would take 30 minutes to get her back to sleep.

I tried CC, it was awful and it didn't work, I wish I'd never done it because it only added to my stress levels. But every baby is different and it has worked well for some of my friends.

We're doing the No Cry Sleep Solution and it is helping, even if it's just a tiny bit.

My nephew didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time till he was 2, my sister works as a teacher so she was like a walking zombie. Then suddenly he started sleeping 12 hours a night. This gives me hope.

Your not alone

OMG, potentially another year + of this from my 6 mo DD?!

I start back to work in a week. She slept ~4 hr last night, less for me (fully BF). She still won't take a bottle/soft-teated cup/sippy cup/doidy cup. I work 40 min from daycare.

Shoot me now.

Except she is so beautiful/wonderful, I just need to bottle that smile of hers for the hard times.