Friend keeps going on about my 9.5m olds naps

[tiredmama2020]

Real life experience wanted please! My DS was a terrible sleeper up until about 8m. He’s now 9.5m finally setting well and content - all naps and night sleep in cot rather than being held.

Currently:

• wakes at about 6/6.30am
• naps about 9/9.30am for 1-1.5h
• naps about 1.30/2pm for 1-2h depending on how morning nap has gone
• sleep at 7/7.30pm

Naps usually total around 2.5h (3h maximum)

Everything I’ve read about what he “should” be doing at this age says he’s doing fine but I know these books etc aren’t very realistic. I’m happy with his sleep anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Close friend has a DS who is 21m and she will NOT stop going on about my DS not getting enough sleep - I’ve started avoiding seeing her because we keep arguing over it 🙄

Her 21m old wakes at 7am, naps 9.30-11am AND 2-4pm and then is sound asleep for 7pm. So he’s doing 3.5h naps and 12h solid at night. Personally I think that’s an awful lot of sleep for his age but I’d never comment on it to her because every child is different and it’s really not my place to comment!

Why do people feel the need to interfere?! Is this common for friends to start judging parenting?! 😳

Her 21mo is the unusual one.

My 21mo has one day nap of up to an hour and sleeps 7-7.
Kids are all different and she needs to accept that.

You sound like you have it sorted. If she mentions it again just have a look a line ready to shut down the conversation. "You've mentioned the sleep before and we're going to have to agree to disagree. Let's move on."

Sounds like she might be worried about how much her child sleeps and is projecting. That’s an incredibly unusual amount of sleep for a 21 month old.

My SIL was like this, I have as little contact with her outside of family meet ups as I can now. I think a lot of people that criticise like this are actually anxious about whether they're doing the right thing themselves. If you still want to continue the friendship then I would just shut any sleep talk down. "Don't you think we've talked about this enough?" "All babies are different." "I'm happy with what we're doing." And repeat.

Tell her to wind her neck in, if she mentions it again just say something like, ‘I’m really bored of hearing this again & again, my dcs naps are really of no concern to you, he’s absolutely fine, I’m not talking about this any more’

All children are different but if any nap pattern is non regular, it is your friend's child.

Reading this makes me grateful my life is no longer ruled by naps - I remember how all consuming it can be!

Her child is sleeping a lot for that age - my daughter dropped all daytime naps at 2 so it does seem a lot to me but each child is different.

The best thing to do, as with everything to do with babies' sleep, is to avoid talking about it and comparing - it will only make both of you feel something is wrong when actually nothing is wrong with either!

Intelligent children need fewer naps.

Or at least that's what I kept telling myself when my DD dropped all her naps at 16 months . Seriously, ignore your mate. There's nothing wrong with your son's sleeping schedule.

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

Sounds like she might be worried about how much her child sleeps and is projecting. That’s an incredibly unusual amount of sleep for a 21 month old.

I was coming on to say similar. It sounds like she is concerned about her child and instead of talking to someone about it she's taking it out on you.

I would just shut down any conversation with 'its working for us'.

As the 'owner' of a 20 month old I would be very worried about their health if my child was sleeping for almost 16 hours out of every 24!

My DD was on exactly the same schedule as yours when she was that age up until she was about 13 months! She got herself into that routine and it worked just fine for her.
All babies are different anyway, just point that out and ignore her!

I would be very worried about their health if my child was sleeping for almost 16 hours out of every 24!

I agree with this. It seems an excessive amount of sleep for an almost 2 year old.

Like everything with people comparing babies/children - don’t do it! Every child is different. What works for one doesn’t necessarily for another. She needs to keep her opinions to herself unless you ask her.

Your baby sounds like a dream. I wish either of mine had slept that much! Hers sounds unusual. I'd be worried about him getting enough stimulation, exposure to speech and language, learning through play if spending so much time asleep at that age.

My 21 month old doesn’t nap anymore (wish she did!)

But when she did it was

7am wake up

12:30-15:50 (or 14:30 on school run days) nap

Bed between 6:30-7:30 (depending on dinner)

They’re all different but also your friend sounds like a pia. No one needs an opinion (unless asked for) on anyone else’s baby sleep

I think just say no 2 children have the exact same sleep pattern . Both my dc were different , eldest was having a nap until she started school full time . My youngest ds was barely napping by 18months I was lucky if I got 1 nap in but 2 a day wow she’s either lucky or lying but surely she can see that’s not the norm by that age is it ? Even if it is so what why does it impact her what your child does? . Just say oh your so lucky aren’t you and bloody stop going on about it or we will fall out because I don’t care how long your dc sleeps.

Yes it is common.
Ignore as much as you can.

Your baby sounds normal, her toddler seems to sleep a lot/ be left in cot for long periods. I wouldn’t comment back though, she obviously is very aware of their sleep.

Your baby’s sleep sounds perfectly normal, my DD was doing two naps at that age, one at 9am for about 1.5 hours then one about 1.30 for an hour. Then at just over a year she switched to one nap after lunch for anything from 1-3 hours. She also slept about 11 hours at night. I think most babies go down to one nap soon after their first birthday.

I have a six month old who wakes up hourly. Your baby’s sleep sounds beautiful to me!

@liveforsummer I can assure you we haven’t always been this lucky 😅🙈 he woke every 1.5h in the night and would nap absolutely nowhere except lying on my chest until he was about 7m 🤣 but I’m so chuffed with his sleep now ❤️

My friends DS is a lovely, very active and smart little boy 😊 his speech and language are great and he’s smashing all his milestones. Definitely no concerns over his development at all. I’d be very happy if mine is the same at that age 😊 he just seems to love his sleep.

I never thought about her maybe projecting and being concerned about her own child’s sleep, that could be what’s happening I guess! I do just shut down the conversation each time it comes up - I have no interest in it. But I think I’ll have to be more firm with it next time. I’ve known her since we were babies so have no interest in falling out with her over something so silly 🙈

I’ve just experienced the comparing of children with all the new mums at toddlers for the first time too 😬😳 some people are crazy! 🙈

she will NOT stop going on about my DS not getting enough sleep

That is really bizarre-why does she care what your child does?!

@Muriel84

I have a six month old who wakes up hourly. Your baby’s sleep sounds beautiful to me!

@Muriel84 Mine napped no longer than 20 mins unless he was being held and woke every 1-1.5hours every night until about 7.5months so I really feel your pain 😓❤️ I’d never have believed it myself at the time but I promise there is light at the end of the (very very very long) tunnel 😬

My 10 month old daughter's sleep is basically identical to your baby!

She obviously paid a lot more for that baby, I don't think that's a standard model.

Maybe her baby is a genius? I read a Harvard study saying sleep correlates to intelligence and that contrary to myth, super clever kids sleep longer. I never slept as a child and nor did any of my multiple children and all of us are morons (medical and law degrees notwithstanding).

Maybe your child is a happy somewhere in the middle normal? Huzzah.

Highly unusual for an almost 2 year old, walking, talking child to be napping between 9:30 and 11 every day PLUS two hours in the afternoon. Really unusual. Doesn’t she do any toddler activities with the child?

Do you think the child is actually sleeping? Some parents put them down for “nap-time” and leave them to it, call it “nap-time” even if the child is cooing at their teddies or playing with their fingers!

Crikey she’d have had a field day with my eldest. At nine months I was having to force a half an hour nap out of her at lunchtime, then by 20 months she refused entirely because ‘it’s not nighttime Mummy’.