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Original poster

Controlled crying - your experience

40 replies

Sam478 · 19/01/2021 15:05

My 6 month is waking really frequently, needs to be fed back to sleep and wakes every time I put him down so all naps are on me or in pram.

The health visitor has advised controlled crying would be the best route to try for us, I’m going to find it really hard but know things need to change. I just want to ask for those that have used it, how long did it take the first night for your baby to fall asleep and how often did they wake that night? Thank you

OP posts:
Thatwentbadly · 19/01/2021 15:07

Most advocates of sleep training say it’s not suitable before 12 months. How will you know if your baby is hungry? How often if your baby waking?

Ohalrightthen · 19/01/2021 16:51

@Thatwentbadly

Most advocates of sleep training say it’s not suitable before 12 months. How will you know if your baby is hungry? How often if your baby waking?
that's not true, not before 6 months is what's generally said. Babies also don't need to be fed overnight from 6 months, provided theyre feeding enough during the day and haven't had any weight issues.

I did a version of CC with my DD at about 6 months to break the feeding to sleep habit, it took a few weeks for her to have it down consistently and before that we were in and out a lot, offering comfort, patting on the back, shhhhh-ing... but by the time she was 7m she was falling asleep, by herself, in her cot, for 2 naps a day and at bedtime.

Night wakes we didn't tackle until she was 10m, as she did have weight gain issues. So she fed every 3 hours in the night til that point, and then one night i had enough and we did CC in the night. It took 20-40minutes each time, and the next night she slept 7-7.

I would recommend it to anyone.

Bobojangles · 19/01/2021 16:55

I wouldn't at this age it's far too little, frequent night waking is biologically normal

I'm not against CC I did it with my oldest at 13 months and it worked

However we also tried it with our 2nd at around the same age and it definitely did not work - he was too stubborn

unmarkedbythat · 19/01/2021 16:59

My 6 month is waking really frequently, needs to be fed back to sleep and wakes every time I put him down so all naps are on me or in pram

This is not unusual.

I would seek other advice.

Original poster
Sam478 · 19/01/2021 17:47

@Thatwentbadly I have been advised it’s ok 6 months, he won’t go hungry as will feed him during the night, but at the moment he’s currently attached to my boob continually throughout the night so getting plenty and loves his food.

@Ohalrightthen thanks a lot for your reply, I don’t expect him to not wake at all just need to be able to put him down, at the moment I get no breaks and have to go to bed early with him as won’t be put down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sam478 · 19/01/2021 17:51

@unmarkedbythat I understand they are meant to wake during the night still, but I need to help him self soothe as at the moment I can’t even put him down asleep, I have to feed him in the next to me and trying and unlatch and lean back in my bed, which unfortunately doesn’t happen often n I spend most the night with him sucking on me.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 19/01/2021 17:59

Have you tried the shush pat method? I did that with my DD as she was used to being rocked to sleep; it was a lot more gentle than controlled crying and easier on me.
With my DS he was waking every hour and I was at breaking point; I tried the shush pat method and it made. I difference so I did controlled crying using the Ferber approach of checking in after a set amount of minutes. I started it with nap times as that felt easier and DS got used to that quite quickly; I think 2 check ins and 10 minutes. With the night he was still feeding in the night so I still fed him at set times.

peapotter · 19/01/2021 18:04

I found gradual withdrawal worked for one of mine. Being in the room but ignoring the cries, and going over to lie them down every 2-5 min depending. I couldn’t do CC as my ds would be deliberately sick.

There are plenty of methods between cc and doing nothing.

Original poster
Sam478 · 19/01/2021 19:31

@user1493413286 thanks for the advice can I ask how long it took for your child to fall asleep with shhh and patting? Do you stand and do that continuously til the nod off?

OP posts:
keepingmindful · 19/01/2021 19:40

We did it with my son, now 12 years, and we are convinced it made him the anxious child he is now. We wished we hadn’t done it. We took a more relaxed position with our younger children who are more easy going and sleep better, but may be a coincidence. Good luck, it’s really tough x

user1493413286 · 19/01/2021 19:47

I used to sit next to DD with my arm through the cot bars; the first night I did it until she fell asleep and on every waking and I think it took a while, at least half an hour and then once settled I’d keep my hand on her for a few seconds then slowly take it off. I think the first couple of nights it took a while then took less and less time and once it was only taking about 5 minutes then I specifically made sure the next night I only did it for 4 minutes then the next 3 minutes until we got to the point I could just put her down to sleep. I think the whole process took about a week but was very much worth it.
The hardest part is them getting used to falling asleep without feeding/rocking or whatever they’re used to. With my DS I got a white noise sheep thing which has taken over the role of me having to shush and is quite useful as I can just put it on to help him get back to sleep in the night and it’s a good sleep cue.

Roselilly36 · 19/01/2021 19:48

Much easier than we ever thought it would be, my midwife (who became a friend) said to wait until DS was 7mths, so he would remember, her advice was to start at a weekend when we had nothing planned,I was absolutely dreading it, he was used to co sleeping and EBF, put DS in his cot,in his nursery, he cried for 2 mins max & that was that, went to sleep, no problem at all. Good luck OP.

Frazzled2207 · 19/01/2021 19:49

It worked for my ds 1 but he was very nearly 2. Personally I think 6 months is too young but at 8 months we stopped his night bottles cold turkey and we had one very grumpy night and one moderately grumpy night and he was ok after that. Well didn't need feeding, still woke!

DS2 we tried several times at different ages and it just didn't work after several miserable nights each time. He eventually sorted himself out but was nearly 3 by that point,

ShirleyPhallus · 19/01/2021 19:53

We did CC when DD was 6 months and it was brilliant. She had gone through the 4 month sleep regression and waking every 45/90 mins through the night, it was killing me, my husband and she was waking with bags under her eyes. Awful.

I was really nervous about it but did it, it took about 3 nights for her to sleep through but even from night one she only woke about twice in the night. We couldn’t believe it. Minimal crying too. Would really recommend.

I’m sure the gentle methods do work but CC does work very quickly

Lazypuppy · 19/01/2021 20:02

Controlled crying work briliantly for our dd, think she was 4/5 months when we did and she has slept through ever since. Took about 4 days to settle in, first night was long, took a lot of time going backwards and forwards but she settled in the end, and it got quicker each day we did it.

I knew the difference between actual cries and whyingy cries

Cmattrich · 19/01/2021 20:39

We have sleep trained our daughter at nighttime using Ferber and took 4 nights for her to sleep through - we kept her dummy and she seems so much happier in the day x

Cmattrich · 19/01/2021 20:40

We haven’t yet sleep trained at nap times - she is napping at the same times each day now and is only taking 2 naps a day but both are in the buggy - sorry to highjack the thread but did anyone successfully use Ferber / controlled crying for naps? X

Cmattrich · 19/01/2021 20:40

Our daughter is 7 months old x

Littlewhitedove2 · 19/01/2021 20:51

I did it at 8 weeks old because my baby only slept 4 hours in 24 hours in 30 min bursts. And that was even with all the breastfeeding, formula feeding, co sleeping, rocking and pram pushing in the world.
In the end out of desperation, we tried it. I was almost going insane with the lack of sleep and that is not an exaggeration.
Cuddle and well fed, dry. Put down to sleep in dark room. Leave for 5 mins. If crying, go back in after 5 mins, smooth, cuddle then back down for 10 mins. Repeat. Go back in after 15 mins. Offer food, change if wet. Then repeat every 15 mins until baby is asleep.
I had to put headphones in and let my husband listen out as I couldnt hear the crying.
I won’t lie it was really hard but we had tried everything else including doctors who just laughed us out of the surgery saying ‘oh dear, first time mum? Babies don’t sleep, didn’t you know?’
Guess what. It took 3 days. After that she could fall asleep fairly quickly on her own and our nightmare ended. I could actually enjoy my baby. I had lost stones in weight through horrific stress in 2 months because of lack of sleep and looked gaunt and hollow. Slowly the life retuned to my eyes.
If I hadn’t done that, it would have gone down a very dark path for me.
Sometimes you have to do what you need to and try every option. It worked very well for me

MrsSmith2021 · 19/01/2021 20:53

About 10 minutes of controlled crying.

Have to do it overnight too. Only feed if 4+ hours. Cuddles otherwise. Takes a couple of nights but never more than 5.

Incrediblytired · 19/01/2021 20:57

To be honest I did it at 7.5 months and it was a life saver. Took 3 nights, then it was sorted. First night was harder but all together there was less crying than on the nights we didn’t do it. 3rd night there was a minute and a half’s crying.

She’s slept 12 hours a night ever since. She’s now 4. It was a godsend.

ThePricklySheep · 19/01/2021 20:57

We did one night of gradual retreat and he stopped waking every forty minutes for a feed. It was ‘let them scream but with you sitting by them so you know they’re not frightened’. Then pat them if they wake in the night. Move nearer the door every few days.

Worked like magic and felt better than Cc. Might be worth a google.

1940s · 19/01/2021 21:00

Many many 6 months old need feeding overnight and the support from their mother to comfort them. Have you tried any gentle methods. I'd never ever leave a 6 month old to cry themselves to sleep to teach them I won't be there for a full night. I find it horrific even thinking about it

1940s · 19/01/2021 21:02

@Lazypuppy

Controlled crying work briliantly for our dd, think she was 4/5 months when we did and she has slept through ever since. Took about 4 days to settle in, first night was long, took a lot of time going backwards and forwards but she settled in the end, and it got quicker each day we did it.

I knew the difference between actual cries and whyingy cries

4 months. That's abuse in my opinion
Lazypuppy · 19/01/2021 21:23

@1940s you're entitled to your opinion