Controlled crying - your experience

[Sam478]

My 6 month is waking really frequently, needs to be fed back to sleep and wakes every time I put him down so all naps are on me or in pram.

The health visitor has advised controlled crying would be the best route to try for us, I’m going to find it really hard but know things need to change. I just want to ask for those that have used it, how long did it take the first night for your baby to fall asleep and how often did they wake that night? Thank you

We did it for our dc, and don’t regret it for one minute. Prior to that, the whole family was sleep deprived. Afterwards, we all benefitted and were a much happier family unit.

It is tough to do, but it works.

@keepingmindful that’s really interesting- would you mind elaborating on your experience and why you think it caused anxiety? Was it a long/ drawn out process which didn’t really work for you?

It worked for us in the sense that it did help our son sleep better but we had to keep repeating doing it through the first year and maybe even more? Which is what didn't work. My DH was never consistent with it and would often lapse and bring DS in with us. I wouldn't rule out doing it again but I'm hoping we don't have to with a second. I think I'm going to try one of those ridiculously expensive moving/rocking bassinets instead.

Hi OP, I did this with my eldest child when she was 6m to the day. The first night she cried 1hr 20. The second night 30m. The third night she slept through. Although there were 'reasons' to take this approach, looking back now I feel it was too young and I do feel guilty. So with my second child, I was determined not to end up in the same place, he self settled from 4m however we still ended up doing controlled crying at 14m old! Although he self settled, he was up every night for 2-3hrs just for a party. It took 1 night, in conjunction with changes to his daytime routine. So what I think I'm saying is, controlled crying is very effective. It works, and quickly. But be happy in your own mind that it's where you're at.

Hey you've probably heard a lot of this but please consider waiting and seeing how things pan out, your baby's only been in the world 6 months and it's a big scary place. Have you considered safe co sleeping? I don't judge you in anyway at all btw, it's so so hard. Also anyone who says no babies need to be fed overnight after 6 months is wrong and should not be advising people.

I tried it with my first. He had previously self settled and slept through from 8 weeks but at 8 months started crying when I left the room at night and waking in the night. He cried for over an hour the first night, I cant remember how long. The second night the same. He became really clingy in the day and started really freaking out at the beginning of the bedtime routine, it was awful so we had to stop. It took a few weeks of me having to co sleep to help him become more relaxed and then we sleep trained again but this time very gently and slowly never leaving him to cry alone. He is still quite an anxious child, much more so than my others.
I never left my others to cry at all. I sleeo trained using a gentle/gradual methods.
I have read lots of research papers on sleep training and with modified extinction/controlled crying the average length of crying on the first night is 70 minutes. 90% of babies are sleep trained successfully by two weeks. Successfully being that they stop crying or only cry briefly.

After reading lots of threads about controlled crying on here and on Facebook I've realised many of us have different ideas about what r controlled crying actually is so I think it depends on what you plan to do.

With my first she was 8 months and I started by putting her down asleep/awake and leaving straight away. If she cried I'd wait one minute then go in and settle then repeat if she did it again. I'd then increase the time I'd leave her to two mins then five etc over the next few nights (I think I can't quite remember 😂). The whole point is that it's controlled and not causing your baby any distress and she knows you'll always be there when she needs you. Also judge by the cry. If it's a distressed cry abandon it and go in. That's my take on it though and it worked for us.

Some people call it abuse and saying its "cry it out" which sounds like a different thing to me but I could be wrong!

@FiloFaxx but lots of babies still find that hugely distressing. Mine certainly did . I think it is quite rare for babies not to become distressed during controlled crying. Obviously lots of people consider a few nights of distress to be worth it. If your own mental and physical health are suffering through sleep deprivation particularly.

@babyno2pending we did co sleep for the first 5 weeks then we managed to get him in the next to me but basically are still co-sleeping as I feed him in there n spend most the night with my arm around him. I do keep putting off starting, but just so hard never getting any time off in the evening or for naps. I feel I need to try the gentle route maybe, especially after so many successful stories on here.

@3WildOnes yeah I get what you mean as well. It does sound cruel when you put it that way! But I guess what I meant was when I heard a distressed cry I'd stop and stay with her until she dropped off.

What was the gentle sleep training you did? My second daughter is only 3 months so not thinking about it yet but I'm interested in any other method.

@FiloFaxx I am not necessarily saying it is cruel, i am sorry it came across that way! It sounded like controlled crying was the the right approach to take with your child is she never got distressed. And even with babies who do find it a bit distressing I think you have to balance that with the toll that sleep deprivation is taking on the parents mental and physical health. I think my baby just had quite an extreme reaction to it and it was heartbreaking to see how distressed he was at knowing what was coming. He started shaking as soon as we took him out of the bath.
We eventually sleep trained using a fading method.
With my daughter who was feeding to sleep I started to feed until drowsy and then rock to sleep then I gradually rocked a little less each night until I was just cuddling to sleep. Then I placed her in the cot awake and held my hand on her. I gradually just touched a little less each night until she was falling asleep happily with me sat next to thel cot. Then I started to just tidy up in the room where she could see me. Then I started to leave the room only for a few seconds at first and always returning if she cried but just gradually extending the time. It took a few weeks.
With my son because he wasn't feeding to sleep I just skipped to the holding my hand on him in the cot stage.

Sorry I think it was just the way I read distressed but I totally get what you mean.

I might try the hand holding first this time as she does settle with a hand hold at the moment. My issue at the moment is naps during the day with having my toddler about too and baby trying to nap downstairs! The slightest noise sets baby off 😬

@FiloFaxx I went against safe sleeping advice with my second and third and had them sleep in a separate room for naps with white noise blaring. Obviously this is against the advice to have babies sleep in the same room as you for the first six months.

@3WildOnes I'm honestly considering doing the same! Something has to give!

We had to do it at 6 months. My Daughter was waking up hourly through the night. We did a slightly more gentle method which meant you put them down and leave them for 2 mins, if still crying then wait 4 mins then 6,8,10. She was always asleep by 8 mins and wasn't screaming the house down.

We didn't do anything about naps as she wasn't too bad, but I think they just slowly work it out x