11 week old baby will only sleep on me!

[Xxbekixx]

Hi there,

My 11 week old baby will only sleep on me. Up until one month old, she slept in her sleepyhead/cot on and off for three hour stretches. Then she suddenly rejected it and ever since we just haven't been able to get her to sleep for any length of time anywhere but on us.

I spend most nights staying up until 4am putting her in and out of the cot, until I finally give up and let her sleep on me. She will go into the cot, but after 45 minutes she wakes up and unless she is picked up quite quickly, will go crazy and cry for another 45 minutes.

She has had reflux issues but we have tilted the cot and she is on strong medication... she likes to take her naps in a sling or the pram and also wakes after 45 but we can rock her back to sleep. We wondered if it's because she wants to be on her tummy so tried that in the day (when we can watch her) but again, only 45 mins and she is awake.

I can't cope with her sleeping on me much longer! We have tried cot/sleepyhead/Moses basket/cocoonbaby and each time it's the same. Also tried swaddling/white noise/water bottle/hand ok chest/top with my scent on it. No idea what to do next!!!

She won't even sleep in the bed next to me - it's only on us that she will do. Any help appreciated.

Everyone says it will get better but she is actually doing less and less time in the cot...

My eldest & youngest were both like this I’m afraid. My middle one has always been a good sleeper - they’re all just different. Some babies just want to be held. I know it’s not necessarily comforting, but it’s more common than you’d think & i promise it will pass (eventually...!) With my youngest, I decided safe co-sleeping was the best way for us all to get some sleep & stay sane. I know it’s not for everyone but I would’ve lost my mind getting up & down with him otherwise! The guidelines are on the Lullaby Trust website. I evicted DH to a spare bed so me & DS had the double bed to ourselves, I got rid of almost all of the bedding, I slept in warm pyjamas with a sheet round me & DS was in his own little sleeping bag, then I slept in a sort of C shape curled around him. I was breastfeeding, so he could just sort of latch on in the night while I at least dozed. We did that until he was about 7 months, then moved him into the cot in his own room. He’s 10 months now & sleeps fairly well. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

My eldest was like this. Also had awful silent reflux and was on both ranitidine and omeprazole suspension under care of the hospital Paediatricians until she was 7 months. It's really hard work OP I feel for you.

Lasted until baby was just under nine months for me, it did almost coincide with the reflux resolving. BUT the light at the end of the tunnel was one day she just decided that she didn't want to sleep on me anymore. No training, no fuss she just cried when I tried to cuddle her to sleep as usual so I tried putting her in her cot and hey presto she went to sleep and has done ever since (she's nearly four now and is an amazing sleeper, 6-6 every night and has been for years).

I don't have any suggestions for you. I tried it all. She just needed me and in the end I went with it and sucked it up (not happily!).

I hope it's quicker for you!

Thank you both for replies - it's good to know other people have been through the same thing. We keep worrying its something we've done but then all the health visitors etc say you can't hold a baby too much at this age. And if you have had two babies and one didn't want to be held solidly and one did, I think that proves it's down to the baby.

I have tried co sleeping in the bed with her quite a few times but she doesn't like that either. She only sleeps solidly when she is on us...

I do wonder if her startle reflex wakes her a lot as it's very strong - but she hates being swaddled (even that love to dream one). I suppose she will grow out of the startle in next few months.

I suppose I have to lower my expectations of sleep for the next few months... x

I could have written this!

My 5mo slept in his Next To Me until around two months old. Then for some reason he hated it and now we co sleep. Every now and again I'll try to move him back over but he wakes up almost instantly every single time.

We had a similar problem, but slightly earlier. I think it lasted from around 3 weeks to 8-10 weeks old. She would only sleep on her tummy and also loved sleeping on my chest. I once fell asleep in a sleep-deprived haze after a BF session and found her lying wiggling next to me kicking my hip. I was terrified! I don't know how much time had passed. I never told anyone about her sleeping on her tummy, apart from one friend who said "what? You let your newborn child sleep on her tummy?" So much for people showing some understanding. Anyway, we never found out what her problem was. We think it was a bit of reflux, a bit of colic, gas, wind, all of that. We now have a happy 4-month old who exclusively sleeps on her back.

We have only tried the following things and we still use them:

• smaller feeds, burping and keeping baby upright for 20 minutes after feeding
• tummy massages
• infant probiotics

At the moment she sleep in a nest in her cot, and she needs to press her head against the sides of the nest, so we lift them up slightly.
Also still needs to be swaddled because her hands sometimes still go wild.

Good luck! xxx

This is so so similar to what we’re going through, we’ve never managed a night of LO sleeping in his snuzpod (he’s 12weeks now). We’ve just ended up bedsharing! My mother in law said SO was exactly the same until he was 5 which quite honestly gives me little to no hope! I guess I’m just counting down the days until he’s 5yo, 1741 days to go- I think, I mean I am sleep deprived 🤦🏻‍♀️

My 14 week baby is the same, she loves being on my chest, on my chest napping as i type this. Im looking for advice to start transitionin her into her cot, she is a very stubborn baby so i need all the tips in the world ...

I have a 12 week old. She was the same until I started putting her on her tummy. I know you’re not supposed to but she seems a lot more comfortable that way. She still won’t nap in her car seat or pram.

Sorry I’ve just read that you’ve already tried that. Perhaps she feels too cold on her own? Or the mattress is uncomfortable? Or she needs to be more upright because of gas? You’ve probably already thought of all that though!

Do you put her on her stumoch at night? She does has gas also, infacol seems to be helping a little thankfully

Thanks for everyone's advice - she is now almost 12 weeks and no improvement. Either it's the reflux or it's being close to us or a bit of both. I am going to try putting her in the sleepyhead in my bed for a few nights to see if she will do that. I tried her sleeping next to me in bed before curled around her but she wouldn't have that a few weeks ago. I would love any advice from people that have solved this issue.

I actually had to check this post as I thought I'd written it. My baby is 16 weeks and we have the exact same situation as you in every single way. Tbh it hasn't got better, we get 30 min stints in the sleepyhead/next2me crib max and only a couple of times a night.

Tbh I'm at my wits end and exhausted. They get bigger and bigger and it makes it even more uncomfortable to sleep, and even when you do it's so light!

Anyway I wish I had some great advice, but I've now been in touch with a sleep consultant to see if then can help us. I can keep you updated if it helps :)

Please put them down and let them cry themselves to sleep.
It is a well known fact that letting them sleep on you is dangerous, they are unable to regulate their body temp and can die.
Also, since you are so tired you may roll over and crush them. I’m not trying to be alarmist or mean, just offering you a warning.

@littlebabybum I feel your pain... we are so tired. Me and husband both got ill in the last few days and having her on us was horrible. We just can't get her to do anything at night without screaming for hours... we haven't tried her on her tummy at night but I think that will have to be the next step because It's not working with her on us and I do worry about her falling off all the time. I try hard to make her nap in something flat but she only wants to sleep in the sling or in the pram if it's moving. Some people said that by four months it gets easier because their startle reflex dies down and sleep cycles get longer but guess this just hasn't happened for you - please let me know what sleep consultant says and I hope they help you find a solution soon x

@HarryHarry I think the tummy is the next step - we didn't see a huge improvement with naps but she is a light sleeper in the day so we will start trying it at night time soon and watch her for a little while. Did it make a big difference quite quickly? She loves being on her tummy - I am just scared at the moment to do it

Yes it did. She just would not stay asleep on her back but sleeps really well on her front. I think she feels more secure. It worked for my older son too.

Tummy sleeping just isn't safe at this age. It's not safe until they can roll independently (at which point they roll themselves). The PP who said about them sleeping on you, whilst a little alarmist, has a point it's not really safe them sleeping on you either.

Have you had a look at The Lullaby Trust's safe co-sleeping guidelines? That gives some good pointers on how to sleep with your baby in bed safely.

As I said in my pp, I completely understand how hard this is. I had 9m of it. But you need to find a way to get your baby to sleep - safely. A bedside crib? We had a Next to Me for my youngest. In bed with you, following safety guidelines? Swaddled, to prevent the startle reflex? In a sleeping bag perhaps? Would a dummy help? If they wake once you pit then down, does patting/shushing/stroking etc soothe?

They are tiny at this age and it's not uncommon for them to need to be cuddled to sleep particularly if you have reflux complicating things. And that's fine. But then they do need to be put down - whether that's in with you or in a crib/Moses/cot etc once asleep and that's a case of trial and error until you figure out what works. They will grow out of it eventually! Nothing wrong at all with a nap in arms if you're awake and fully alert. But if you're asleep too, it's dangerous.

Also, sleep does tend to change at around 4m. This is because biologically their brains start to tune into circadian rhythms ie they physically realise the difference between night and day and realise that at night they're supposed to be asleep (in theory!). So you may find longer chunks of sleep coming at night. The startle reflex does tend to disappear around that age too, it's a newborn thing.

I hope my last post doesn't sound critical - I've been there and I know how bloody hard this is and wanting to just do whatever works. Just please don't take risks with your baby's safely for sleep. At worst you've got a few more weeks of this then hopefully it'll change. Everything with small babies is a phase and it does pass. In the meantime, caffeine is your friend!

We had similar situation (reflux baby) and found that having a cocoonababy in the snuz with the reflux bar on made the most difference.

Try her with a dummy.

@elfsocksandsnowboots agree with all your points it's just that she will not sleep on her back anywhere. Have tried her in the bed with me curled around her, in the sleepyhead next to me/rocking Moses basket/next to me crib and even lying on her back on my chest - after 40 mins she screams... no matter what. So basically I am not sleeping at all apart from when my partner takes over in the morning before work. We don't sleep with her on us because it wouldn't even be possible - she wriggles constantly. Am just not sure what to do anymore because absolutely nothing works...

Our baby didn't like lying flat. He was still curved from the womb. The cocoonababy is curved to fit this shape. I really do recommend it.

Thanks for cocoonababy recommendation, we also tried this and unfortunately she did less time in it than the sleepyhead - maybe we should have tried longer with it am not sure.

Please put them down and let them cry themselves to sleep.

At 11 weeks old? how sad.

Just came to say make the most of it, OP. I tried to put my 1 year old on me for a nap earlier, wasn't having any of it.

Have you tried lying down next to her, with a combination of singing, stroking, dummy, shushing, patting, swaddle, white noise. This is what I did with my youngest, she used to complain a bit but never got to properly crying because I was right there next to her. It did take ages for her to go off a lot of the time, but she would eventually without getting upset, she was just a bit annoyed. She also had reflux and I found lying her on her side helped if she woke in pain in the night but didn’t want to feed.