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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Baby won't sleep for more than 45 mins...

71 replies

absolutehush · 09/09/2019 21:55

DAY OR NIGHT!!!

At one point she was going 4-5 hours but now she is waking at the 45-60 min mark. In the day I don't mind so much but it's killing me overnight!

I have a good bedtime routine and she goes down at 7-7.15ish. I feed to sleep (yes I know) and I can put her down just fine. It's just the staying down. How can I get her to sleep for longer??

Will try everything, although a bit afraid of CIO

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

moreismore · 09/09/2019 21:57

How old? 45 mins is the length of one sleep cycle so they naturally rouse at that point and need help (cuddles/rocking of pram or car) to go back down. I’d try and aim for longer naps in the day in pram/on you/sling and that will improve night sleep. It’s prob a regression so time will help!

Original poster

absolutehush · 09/09/2019 22:03

Oh so sorry, I am so tired. She's going to be 6 months at the end of the month.

The longer stretches were happening prior to about 4.5 months, but then teeth/sleep regression/a 'holiday' (HA!) have happened and it's all bad.

I am pramming/rocking/letting her sleep on me during the day and sometime can get a longer sleep but can't see any improvement overnight. Will keep trying though!

Thank you!

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welshweasel · 09/09/2019 22:09

You need to work on her self settling. If she feeds to sleep then every time she comes into a light sleep (around every 45 minutes) she will look for milk to help her get back into a sleepy state. No need for CIO, there are far gentler ways. But you need to break the feed/sleep association.

Hermagsjesty · 09/09/2019 22:14

Following as my 6month Old is the same!! Also guilty of feeding him to sleep & need to find ways to break the habit...

Lizzie840 · 09/09/2019 22:25

Sounds like baby is waking up after 1 sleep cycle and looking for whatever put her to sleep (feeding) to help her get back to sleep. My baby is 6 months old and at around 4 months we started putting him down awake and worked on self settling. This really helped us as he was then able to put himself back to sleep between cycles ! If you google self settling methods there's loads of information online , you could pick and try a method that you think would work best for you all. Really hope you get it sorted soon as being woken up all night isn't easy! Good luck

Original poster

absolutehush · 09/09/2019 22:27

Ok.... how do I help her learn to self settle?

I've tried being there at the 45 min mark and patting and soothing etc etc but not having any joy. Am I missing something?

I also find that drowsy but awake isn't something that happens to us (or I'm really missing it!)

OP posts:

Original poster

absolutehush · 09/09/2019 22:28

Also thank you everyone! I will gladly build a shrine to whomever helps me crack this!

OP posts:

CellarFloor · 09/09/2019 22:33

Following- my 7mo isn't nearly as tricky as your DC OP, but I can certainly empathise!

welshweasel · 09/09/2019 22:36

So we had a feed to sleep association with my 7 month old - having at least 2 feeds a night and multiple wake ups for dummy (basically same comfort as feeding). We’ve been using a sleep consultant for a week. Basically went cold turkey on dummy. Made sure feed was done with baby awake - keep waking if need to then break between feed and bed with a story or song. Then into bed awake and stay with him until falls asleep. Can shush and touch but no picking up. Took 40 minutes first night, 3 minutes by 3rd night. Then we weaned down night feeds over a week, each time made sure lights on, fully awake, back in cot awake and treat as per bedtime. We are on night 7 and no longer feeding at night at all. Last night had one wake up and he settled after 40 minutes, no feed. It’s a huge improvement from where we were but has taken commitment and it’s not been fun!

Lizzie840 · 09/09/2019 22:37

Rather than trying to help her self soothe after she has woken, why don't you try it at the start of a nap/ bedtime sleep. She will be less tired after the initial 45 min nap and will be less likely to work then.

So when she's due a nap/bedtime, put her down in her cot and watch for a few minutes to see what she does. She may surprise you and fuss a little and then put herself to sleep. I'm not suggesting you leave her to CIO, but a little fussing is different and for my baby sometimes seems to be his way of winding down! If not then try patting/ shhhing until she falls asleep. If this works then keep doing it each time but gradually stop the pat/ shh before she actually falls asleep, so that eventually you just put her down and she falls asleep without it.

We did this but started with naps for a couple of weeks before I was brave enough to try it at bedtime! so he was used to putting himself to sleep by the time we did it at night and then could use those same skills we had been practising at naps.

This is just my experience - I am not an expert. Far from it as I have just one baby ! This may not work for other babies but this is just what seemed to work for us. Fingers crossed you get some more sleep soon!

Original poster

absolutehush · 10/09/2019 20:07

Hello! So have started a combo of the advice above.

Fed her, then bathtime routine. Little top up feed and into the cot awake but tired. She was quiet so I left her to it and went downstairs. After 5 mins she started fussing then screaming.

Went up, picked her up to calm her and then put her down awake. Patted her to sleep. Took about 45 mins all in. Hopefully this is the start of something good!

I will report back on progress

OP posts:

Original poster

absolutehush · 10/09/2019 20:08

PS don't actually think anyone cares about my progress but need accountability to keep myself on the straight and narrow! Feed to sleep is just so easy!

OP posts:

Lizzie840 · 10/09/2019 20:48

Please do post updates ! I'll be looking to see how you get on. Really hope you get it sorted soon :) do you have a plan for if she wakes during the night? Will you feed back to sleep or put down awake again?

Original poster

absolutehush · 10/09/2019 21:29

Well she hasn't woken up yet, so I am feeling very pleased! 1hr 40 and counting....

If she wakes up, I will sush and pat. She's not getting fed before 11.30 - that's about 4 hours (how long she'll go in the day).

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Original poster

absolutehush · 11/09/2019 19:41

Total fail tonight, overtired baby is currently being rocked to sleep by DH. Tried to let her cry for a bit but I am weak and she is too tiny (in my eyes!)

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SonicMum86 · 12/09/2019 23:08

Absolutehush I really feel you!

DD started the 4 month sleep regression at 15 weeks and it is still going on strong today at 26 weeks (6 months)!

She wakes every 45mins or sometimes (if lucky) after 1.5 hours, so she lasts between 1-2 sleep cycles.

It’s soooo hard and I really don’t know how I’ve managed to cope for so long. I’ve tried quite a few diff things but nothing really seems to help.

She can now settle herself to sleep at bedtime but that doesn’t seem to help with settling when she wakes up.

I’m going to try and move her slowly on the formula now to see if that helps as I think it is all like to the comfort of breastfeeding as that’s what she wants every time she wakes (I try not to automatically feed her but sometimes I’m so tired and that’s the quickest option!

I introduced solids at 5 months but that didn’t help either.

So sorry that I’m unable to help at the mo, but I’m always trying so hopefully I can share some good news and advice soon...

Let me know if you find anything that works!

SonicMum86 · 12/09/2019 23:16

Btw how old is your LO absolutehush and how long has it been going on for?

Hope you have a better night tonight!

IWantMyHatBack · 12/09/2019 23:19

I had this with my first. Was hell.

With my second I didn't even bother trying. He either slept on me or next to me. Naps were a joint thing. I just gave in.

Best sleeper ever.

Original poster

absolutehush · 13/09/2019 02:32

@SonicMum86 she's nearly 6 months

I really really feel your pain! Like you, the 4 month sleep regression set us down the wrong path and we can't seem to get it right. Having a good night tonight - could of 1.5 hours. No idea why, though!

The only thing that helps is going to bed when she does, at 7/8. But it's not sustainable. I'm considering cry it out. It's so draining.

It is nice to know I'm not alone, but I am sorry you're in this position too!

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Original poster

absolutehush · 13/09/2019 02:34

@IWantMyHatBack mmm she already sleeps next to me (side along cot) and I can't have her on me every night - chronic back/hip issues... did your first eventually stop? What was it? Please tell me you sleep now! I need hope!

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ListenLinda · 13/09/2019 02:54

Watching with interest if thats okay OP, my DS is going through the 4m sleep regression and I want to tackle it differently to what I did with DD, as we still have issues with her sleep now!

YobaOljazUwaque · 13/09/2019 05:14

I lived through this too. Its miserable.

We didn't crack it and rediscover the joy of sleep till age about 14 months but I suspect it could have been sooner if we had understood what was happening sooner.

I heartily recommend The Secrets Of The Baby Whisperer. That's what changed things in the end.

I think our bed time routine, and the things we did to try to resettle after the inevitable 45 minute wakeup, were simply too stimulating and misunderstood what was needed. SoTBW doesn't advocate CIO, but does teach you how to stop and listen and recognise different cries. There is a cry that means "I just need to explain how tired I am" - remember a baby does not understand that sleep makes tired go away. That particular cry is best not responded to with picking up or patting. Just your nearby voice saying "yes I know, you are very tired, you'll be asleep soon". Likewise rousing from a sleep cycle is normal and natural but being picked up or patted or sung a lullaby is too stimulating and turns what could be a brief interlude between two sleep cycles into a full wake up. Developing a calm, reassuring but extremely boring and unstimulating presence is key.

Capybaras · 13/09/2019 05:22

My 8 week old is going through this at the moment - we're getting 1 hour sleep cycles! He was a good sleeper before this too - no idea why it's changed

SonicMum86 · 13/09/2019 08:32

@absolutehush sounds like we are experiencing the same thing! It’s a killer! I can probably handle it for a while longer if I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel @IWantMyHatBack ? I really don’t want a sleep thief toddler too (esp when I go back to work)!

I’ve considered CIO methods but then start feeling really guilty. I think I’m too soft to follow them through properly so will probably do more damage than good.

I tried the PUPD method, it helped with the self settling for a few days but then things got even worse!

peachgreen · 13/09/2019 08:35

First of all, I would move her to her own room. She's waking after a sleep cycle and she knows you're there so of course she's going to want you. Secondly, crack drowsy but awake for bedtime first, don't worry about the middle of the night for now - just do whatever you need to get her back over and avoid her becoming distressed. Once she's going down easily on her own she'll be less likely to wake at night anyway.

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