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Sleep

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Original poster

Am I creating a rod for my own back (cosleeping)?

47 replies

sweetkitty · 11/08/2004 11:57

DD is 3 weeks and breastfed. She has never liked her crib at night and is very unsettled in it. I have been putting her in it about 11pm but by about 12 or 1 she is out of it and in bed with us (after a feed). She wakes about 3 times in the night for a feed and is very unsettled unless she sleeps next to me. Last night she slept all night next to me and was up at 3 and 6 only (don't know if this is a coincidence). I know the new guidelines state that babies under 8 weeks should not co sleep and also I worry that I am creating a rod for my own back in that she will only be able to sleep next to me. Has anyone else had the same worries or any experiences trying to get their baby to sleep in their own bed after cosleeping?

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hercules · 11/08/2004 12:05

There was a good thread about these guidelines and bf/cosleeping when they came out. I hate that phrase "rod and back". I had both mine in with me as i was too lazy to get out of bed to bf. It meant noone had to wake up to feed, even the baby.
Apparently mothers who are bf are more aware of baby and adopt a protective position when sleeping so as not to crush baby.
I had dd in a grobag and the duvet up to my waist so she was well away from it.
She's only 3 weeks old. If you decide to cosleep your not setting yourself up for having an 18 year old in bed with you! They all go to their own bed/room in the end.
I'll try to find the original thread.
I

DillyDally · 11/08/2004 12:09

I had DD in bed with me when feeding as was too sleep deprived to do much else..but I slept in her room rather than her coming in my room (there is a big bed and a cot in her room). I had no probs when BF stopped and she went back to her cot without a whimper, maybe because there was no room change involved, maybe because she just didnt mind. Now she just jumps on my bed if I ever try and get her to sleep with me now.

ionesmum · 11/08/2004 14:23

My dd2 (4 months) co-slept until six weeks when she went into her big cot. By eight weeks she was going through the night! She won't take long naps by day yet though.

I did co-sleep with dd1 at much older that this and I did find it hard to get her to sleep on her own, but I wouldn't worry until your dd is at least six months.

prettycandles · 11/08/2004 14:27

Both of mine co-slept with us for their first few weeks. They usually started the night in their own cot, and moved in with us when they woke for the first night-time feed, then stayed as long as it felt right for us. Ds generally ended up back in his cot, whereas dd often stayed in our bed until morning, when she went back into her got for a couple of hours. We generally had them between us, dressed in vest and babygro, a pillow at the head of the bed so that they couldn't disappear between the bars of the headboard, and with the quilt tented over them (ie slung across between dh and me). This was autumn/winter tho!

When the time felt right, they slept the whole night in their cots and eventually moved out of our room without any problems.

3w is very early to worry about any 'bad habits'. Don't worry about it and do what feels right. Have you consideered letting her sleep on her side or stomach? Very controversial I know, but you'll find that many Mumsnetters (me included) have safely done this with their babies and swear by it.

prettycandles · 11/08/2004 14:28

hmmm...reads as if I have twins! I don't, there's 2y between them.

strawberry · 11/08/2004 14:35

My ds (also bf) wasn't a good sleeper at first and I regularly had him in with me, especially in the early hours of the morning. Anything to get a few more hours sleep! Ds is now 2 and has slept in his cot for 12 hours since he was 7 months. So I think you should do whatever you need to get sleep.

Will dd sleep in crib during the day?

Also, ds always woke up when moving from bf to cot because Mummy was warm and snuggly and cot wasn't! A light swaddle sometimes helps babies to feel more secure. HTH

3PRINCESSES · 11/08/2004 14:39

With dd3 I felt so strongly that I wanted her in bed with me that dh moved out to the spare bed for a few weeks (would only worry about bed sharing if alcohol was involved and didn't think it was fair to ask him to give up drinking for a couple of months). I liked to think of it as a Babymoon, and with the others to look after during the day I came to look forward to the peace and quiet of the night-time with my littlest one. Took a travel kettle up to the bedroom, bought those sachets of instant hot chocolate and turned the telly on when she woke up for a feed. Watched a lot of News 24 and became terribly well up on the current affairs of the day.

Stopped doing it after about 7 weeks because it was no longer so helpful. She squirmed around more, and we just seemed to wake each other up for no good reason - she didn't really want to be fed so much. So, sadly said goodbye to a lovely time, and put her into her own room, which she took to with no probs. Don't know if there is an optimum time for making the transition, but this certainly worked for us.

What I'm trying to say in typically long-winded fashion is Enjoy It

heartinthecountry · 11/08/2004 15:16

Pretty much agree with everyone else. I co-slept with my dd until she was about 10 months. She transfered to a cot with no problem. She has also always slept on her side (as she used to fall asleep while bf)

If you want to have your dd in with you then do, and ignore all the 'storing up trouble for later' comments (which you will inevitably get unfortunately).

I know current guidelines suggest you shouldn't co-sleep with a baby under 8 weeks but I never ever worried that I would crush dd and as long as you are sensible about duvets etc IMO it isn't going to increase chances of SIDS in any way. Infact, I always felt having my dd next to me was the best way to prevent SIDS (Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson goes in to this).

hewlettsdaughter · 11/08/2004 15:23

Is this the thread you meant hercules?
I co-slept with dd for the first 6 weeks. She is now 16 weeks and has no problems sleeping in her carry cot (although I do have to feed her into submission first!)

aloha · 11/08/2004 15:28

My ds slept with me part of the time at that age and I truly think all this 'rod for own back' stuff is rubbish. He went into a cot at a few months with no problems and though he was a terrible sleeper until 8 months is now nearly three and fantastic, sleeps all night in his bed without a peep and naps for two to three hours a day - again without protest or problems. If it give you more sleep and you are both happier, then it's working, and don't fix what ain't broke

Original poster

sweetkitty · 11/08/2004 17:15

Thanks everyone who took the trouble to answer me. I do really enjoy having DD in bed with the 2 of us, it's a really nice snuggly thing to do. Think I'm being too much of a neurotic first time mum listening to everyone saying "oh you don't want to be doing that they will still be there when they are 5!" I would be more worried putting her in a dark room by herself for hours at a time TBH. It's fine just now as it's so warm we only have a sheet over us but I've had loads of helpful hints when it comes to wintertime again.

Thanks again mumsnetters x

OP posts:

SofiaAmes · 12/08/2004 00:11

I haven't read what others have written, but all I can say is that both my children were bfed and co-slept until 6 months (when I cut out night feeds). It was both nice for them and very convenient for me. They both sleep perfectly well on their own, in their own beds now (they are 22 mo. and 3.5 yrs) though I still put them in our bed if they are ill and need comforting.

poppins · 12/08/2004 01:05

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carla · 12/08/2004 01:11

BABIES??? Sweetkitty? Our DD1 turned 6 today ... and she's still sleeping with daddy, and dd2 with me

clairabelle · 12/08/2004 14:10

We co slept with dd from birth for exactly the same reasons as you sweetkitty, couldn't get her to settle at all in a cot. Even ranf GF about it(grin. Now nearly five, settles beautifully in her own bed and potters in to us about 4ish, gets in and goes straight off again. I love it, little snuggley girl(smile) On the other hand I was prepared to do exactly the same with ds 9 months but he won't entertain it and breathes a huge sigh of relief when he's put in his cot at night and we don't hear a peep from him 'til 7. I think you just have to go with the flow, they're all so different.

Blu · 12/08/2004 14:13

Having newborn DS in bed with us was such a tremendous, loving, pleasure that I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Papillon · 12/08/2004 14:23

dd sleeps on a futon that basically is an extension of our bed - she likes it, we like it. Personally I am a great believer in being as close as possible to your babe - fosters independance through a feeling of safety.

Try it sweetkitty - if you don't like it or the baby doesnot like it - then you can change in the first few months without too much upheaval.

Blu · 12/08/2004 15:33

And it hasn't been hard to get him into his own bed, either (after co-sleeping as a baby) - he loves his own bed and room - but it is true he hated being confined to his cot. Even co-sleeping babies presumable spend their naps sleeping alone in bed/cot/crib or whatever, so it isn't a shock when you want encourage them into their own space.

Twiglett · 12/08/2004 16:09

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hercules · 12/08/2004 17:08

Quite astounded by your post poppins. Sorry but what tosh!
I could spend a long time explaining why but frankly cant be bothered.

mears · 12/08/2004 17:13

My philosophy with all 4 of my babies was to feed them when they vried and to bring them into bed at night to feed so that I could sleep as well. If I woke I would put sleeping baby back into cradle. If I didn't wake, baby spent all night in bed. They slept all night at various ages ranging from 9 weeks, to 8 months. I never had a problem getting them to sleep in their own beds. Any older child who came through after a nightmare were invited in for comfort. I certainly did not make a 'rod for my own back'. I have very secure children who know I am there when needed.

tex111 · 12/08/2004 17:24

DS slept with us until well over a year old and we all enjoyed it (had to buy a bigger bed though!). He never slept well in his cot and it was only when we bought him a 'big boy' bed with a bed guard that he slept through the night in his own room. He still often wakes (he's 2 now) in the early hours and crawls in bed with us. There's nothing sweeter than that warm, wriggly body snuggling up to me.

I say go with your instincts. This early on the name of the game is survival and if you both sleep better in the same bed then go for it.

Twiglett · 12/08/2004 17:29

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logic · 13/08/2004 13:25

We kept ds in bed with us until he was 7 weeks old because he didn't like his moses basket and no-one was getting any sleep. The GP was not happy and various people told us that we were making a rod for our own backs etc... but we ignored all the comments. At 8 weeks he was sleeping back in his own bed.

I think that you have to do what you feel is right for your own family.

Congratulations on the new baby - enjoy!

Original poster

sweetkitty · 13/08/2004 13:37

Thanks for all the posts, DD has been in with us the last few nights and they have been the best so far. When she starts to get gurny I change her nappy then settle her down to BF lying down which is the best way for the both of us, she then drifts off back to sleep when she is finished.

I think I have got to stop listening to families "helpful advice" and just do whats best for us. She is only 3 weeks old!

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