Am I creating a rod for my own back (cosleeping)?

[sweetkitty]

DD is 3 weeks and breastfed. She has never liked her crib at night and is very unsettled in it. I have been putting her in it about 11pm but by about 12 or 1 she is out of it and in bed with us (after a feed). She wakes about 3 times in the night for a feed and is very unsettled unless she sleeps next to me. Last night she slept all night next to me and was up at 3 and 6 only (don't know if this is a coincidence). I know the new guidelines state that babies under 8 weeks should not co sleep and also I worry that I am creating a rod for my own back in that she will only be able to sleep next to me. Has anyone else had the same worries or any experiences trying to get their baby to sleep in their own bed after cosleeping?

[bluebean]

I'm encouraged to hear so many of you say that they had no problems transferring their child to their cot when the cosleeping arrangement no longer worked. However, my 7 week old DD will soon wake and scream the house down if we put in her cot. I've coslept with her since 2 weeks and it has been much more convenient than constantly getting up all night. But now I'd love to get my bed back and my husband out the spare room.

Does anyone have any tips on making the trasition from cosleeping to cot sleeping? DD is bf and still wakes every 2-3 hours during the night. I suspect if she was in her own cot she'd wake less...

[Clayhead]

We haven't been away very often (twice in 3 years!) but each time have booked self catering and looked for accomodation with king size beds.

For the odd night, I think Premier Lodge all have super king size beds.

HTH

[Newt]

We co-sleep with our eight month old dd, and have done since she was a week old. She slept in a lovely moses basket at first, but like hercules I found that getting up to breastfeed was an unnecessary inconvenience. Far easier to bf whilst both in that dreamy half-asleep mode.

I am all for an easy life, and this has worked for us. I had the 'rod for your back' cliche thrown at me by others, or that look you get - 'You're weird' - mainly Gina Ford followers, and my mum.

Sweetkitty..my family have given much advice on so many aspects of parenting. Try 'Thanks mum but I am doing it my way because it works for us'

We do have a bedside cot she sometimes goes in, with no problem.

An excellent book is 'Attachment Parenting' by Katie Allison Granju if you want more ammunition...very good argument against letting the smallest, most vulnerable member of the family sleep in seperate cot/room.

I rang a substantial B+B in Yorkshire the other day, recommended in some vegetarian guide, saying that I was interested in the room with the king-sized bed as our baby will be sleeping with us, and I got THE most rude response. She said that she would not have 'any of that' in her hotel and practically hung up on me. I was so gobsmacked.

Has anyone else encountered this problem with holiday accomodation, or do you ask for the cot, or just not go away?!

[hovely]

Looked at the link papillon - at a quick glance those are attractive ideas but do you think many children now have the experiences of separation that he describes in the 'principles'? it sounds like what happened in the 1950s. Even children in day-care outside the home get picked up and carried around and integrated into activities.

[Papillon]

Nice one Blu, I totally agree

read on a thread about a book called the continuum-concept the website as quite abit of info which is revelevant to what you posted

[Chandra]

I have not I was...

[Chandra]

Probably I was so tired, probably DS moved a lot but after 2 occasions when I found him at the feet of the bed under the covers and another one when I scared myself to death thinking I was asfixiated him as when I woke up I was laying on top of him, I decided that co-sleeping was not for us. Now, haven't seen many babies able to move so freely around the bed at 1 week , so who knows, maybe with the next one.

[Twiglett]

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[beansmum]

ds has slept really well in his big cot since he was born but i like having him with me. for the first month he was coming into my bed after his second feed at about 4ish, now (10wks) he only wakes once in the night and i just keep him in with me after i've fed him.

i was a bit worried about it at first and didn't sleep much the first couple of times we shared, i have my duvet tucked into the bottom of the bed so i can't pull it up and i don't use pillows, ds just wears his pjs and is only under the duvet up to his waist. Also i'm single so there's tons of room. The only time i wouldn't share is if i'd been drinking but I haven't had a drink since last october!

I don't think ds will have a problem staying in his cot all night, he sleeps there for 7hrs already. i might have a problem letting him though, it's nice to have a cuddly baby there when i wake up.

[hana]

dd co-slept with us from the early days. She is nearly 3 now and although she goes to bed in her own bed (and has done since 15 months) sometime between the wee hours of the morning and daylight she's always back in with us!
I think it's only a problem if you see it as that - of course I'd love her to stay the night in her bed, but that's only going to happen I think if we're strict about it (which we're not at the moment). We're expecting our second in a few months time so I fully expect the four of us to be snuggled up together. So pleased that we bought a king sized bed!!!!

[Blu]

I just can't bear the whole philosophy that everything is a source of 'bad habits' and that all our choices around childcare would be about 'preventing bad habits', warding off the bad, the negative, the sinful...I have had much more pleasure parenting form the premise that everything should be done because it is enjoyable and secure for both parent and child, and that is what will produce the best childhood, and relationship.

[ahn101]

I've just bought a co-sleeper here in the states as we're living here for a couple of years. I'm due in about two weeks and I've been a bit unsure about wether or not to use it/try it. I'm hoping to BF too and that's one of the main reasons I thought I'd try it. I've had one or two -ve comments but I am now determined to give it a go having read so many of the positive comments on the board. I realise it might not be for everyone, but I just can't imagine putting a new baby down to sleep in the other room!!!! So we will try it and hope it works as well for us. Thanks!!

[mumoflukas]

My DS is now 13 months and has co-slept with us pretty much since he was about 3-4 weeks. I had him in a moses basket type thingy for the first few weeks but since we discovered co-sleeping we all slept so much better. Until he was about 7 or 8 months, we used to put him in a swinging crib for naps and at the start of the night, but currently he also naps in our (especially large) bed, secured by bed guards on one side (this is partially because we are currently re-decorating a new room for him which will have a "big boy" bed just for him). We know, though, that he can sleep on his own perfectly happily because when we're away at friends and family, he has no problems napping in totally "strange" beds or cots.
Regarding safety, one thing I was concerned about when I started co-sleeping (since he was so little then) was smothering him with a big fluffy, billowing duvet. So I changed to using a simple woolen blanket (in a duvet cover) with which he was unlikely to get covered by mistake. I also used to always keep him on my (bed-guarded) side of the bed because my partner sleeps a lot more deeply than me and has frightlingly sharp elbows. As has already been recommended, Deborah Jacksons "Three in Bed" is great book to read, which should also arm you with lots of arguments to deal with the "independence from day one" brigade. I believe a child that knows s/he is secure at an early age is more likely to grow into an secure, independent person later on. ...just my own two pennies worth...

[zebra]

I also have very self-confident children who co-slept (DS) or slept in a cot next to us (DD), and have transferred fine to their own beds (in own room) at about 2.5yo. Am also a bit shocked by Poppins' post, but I guess we can only speak to our own experiences. I don't actually like co-sleeping because I like my space, but we made it work with DD by shoving the cot next to the bed with the side down. Will do the same sort of thing with DS2.

[peepsydodge]

We cosleep with both our sons, 2 years and 4.5 months. Ds1 was a terrible sleeper right from the word go, he wouldn't sleep even in our bed and we couldn't get him to sleep during the day no matter what we tried. Even now he still won't go to sleep without being breastfed and cuddled, however in spite of all the comments about having made him reliant on us to get to sleep I would do the same again as he is such a happy and confident little boy, I think he needed the security of us cuddling him. Ds2 is a much better sleeper, he starts off in his cot and comes through into our bed when he wakes(which I love) and he stays there until morning, but unlike ds1 he willl sleep in his cot during the day on his own and he goes to sleep really easily. I think the sleeping issue is more to do with the type of child you have rather than any practises you carry out. Yes you are going to get comments about your sleeping habits, unfortunately child rearing is an area of your life where everyone thinks they can tell you what to do. I found it very upsetting first time round, you need support not criticism. Enjoy cuddling your little baby, they grow up all too soon. If it feels right to you, do it.

[frannyf]

When this subject comes up, someone always says "Oh, don't sleep with your baby, you'll never get them out, you don't want them to still be in your bed when they're 7."

This is such total rubbish. Think about it. If we thought like that on other subjects, we would be saying "Oh, don't let them wear nappies, or you'll never train them to sit on the loo when they're older," or "Don't give them milk, they'll never get used to having steak and chips, they'll be going off to school drinking from a bottle."

Babies and children need certain things when they are little, and LATER THEY GROW OUT OF THEM. Bed sharing is one of these things. I think people panic when the subject comes up, because they secretly know that leaving a little tiny baby on their own in a big cot in a room all by themselves is mean, mean , mean (you know it's true, lol).

If you want to sleep with your baby, do it, and enjoy it! These baby days pass so quickly, you may feel sad one day when your little one decides they want a bed of their own...

[golds]

Quite frankly, I think it depends on the child. My circumstances have been the same as Poppins

My dd never liked her crib so was bought in with us from about day 5, she slept through, we enjoyed waking up next to her etc etc. she is now 6.5 and is a complete nightmare, she won't go to sleep without you, she insists on you falling asleep with her and when she's completely gone you can sneak out of her room, only last night, she was put to bed in her own bed only to find her next to me when I woke up.

On the other hand when ds arrived, he was put in his crib/cot straight away, we have never had a problem with him, you can read him a story and turn out the light and say I'll be back in 5 minutes, by the time youve gone back, he's asleep - wonderful child.

However I do insist that when either of them are poorly they sleep with us. I do think it is sweet to be able to wake up next to them and it is easy and convenient when BF. It just hasn't worked for me and dd, but maybe thats just her

[MrsDoolittle]

Dd is 4 months and I remember asking exactly the same question 3 months ago when I was very tired and unsure. In the end you do exactly what feels right for you - there is nothing else for it!
Dh was afraid of rolling onto her so I took her with me into the spare room, it suited all of us until she settled down a bit at night. In the end you know when she is confident enough to sleep on her own and noone else can tell you when that is. Dd sleeps beautifully now on her own. I love it when she wakes up for her 6am feed when I take her into bed with us. Afterwards we all go back to sleep together until it's time to get up. I love that

[Clayhead]

My 11 month old ds is still co-sleeping with us, dd (2 1/2) now sleeps in her own bed most of the time.

I love it.

poppins, your experience must have been very different to mine, I disagree with most you have to say; my dd got confidence from co-sleeping, has always had continuity and most importantly, it suited her and us.

[Tiggiwinkle]

I have 5 boys and co-slept with them all. The night feeds were no problem at all and the babies just fed when they wanted to. (I think there is something about regular night feeds increasing your milk supply as well). I rarely had a broken night and then only when they were ill.It just seemed so natural and I could never see the problem!

[Rhiann]

My six week old baby has slept with me since she was born. I sleep in a sleeping bag and she goes outside it so there's no chance of her slipping under the covers. We tried keeping my first baby in a crib next to our bed when she was born and I had to get her in and out for feeds which meant I did my back in and my partner and I got no sleep. This time around I'm ignoring Gina Ford etc who caused me more stress because I thought I and baby were doing everything wrong and just going with what feels right.

[oliveoil]

I did exactly the same as you with dd, was b/feeding and she hated her moses basket. When she did eventually go in her cot (in annother room) and woke up and wouldn't settle, we just brought her into our bed. She is now 22 months and sleeps most nights from 7pm till 6ish in her cot.

Like you though I worried on the 'setting bad habits' thing. Load of tosh, even if you do 'set them' they can be unset...as I am now finding with trying to get her to sit at the table grrrrrr.

Enjoy your little snuggler and those gorgeous cuddles, dd won't tolerate anywhere but her cot now and I miss them!

xx

[sweetkitty]

Thanks for all the posts, DD has been in with us the last few nights and they have been the best so far. When she starts to get gurny I change her nappy then settle her down to BF lying down which is the best way for the both of us, she then drifts off back to sleep when she is finished.

I think I have got to stop listening to families "helpful advice" and just do whats best for us. She is only 3 weeks old!

[logic]

We kept ds in bed with us until he was 7 weeks old because he didn't like his moses basket and no-one was getting any sleep. The GP was not happy and various people told us that we were making a rod for our own backs etc... but we ignored all the comments. At 8 weeks he was sleeping back in his own bed.

I think that you have to do what you feel is right for your own family.

Congratulations on the new baby - enjoy!

[Twiglett]

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