Is anyone else’s bedtime ‘routine’ this much of a farce

[PenelopeChipShop]

I am absolutely at breaking point with bedtime. Is ten to nine and i’m writing this while still waiting for 6yo ds to fall asleep after 1.5 hours of dicking about from him and his 2yo sister.

It’s mainly the toddler that is the problem - she takes FUCKING FOREVER to get to sleep. Ds will wait very nicely and quietly in her room for me to get her to bed BUT he won’t just go in his own bed and fall asleep while I settle her, he has to have me next to him. I have tried getting him to go in his room and ‘popping’ between them but it just prolongs the agony.

They are usually both ready for bed by 7-7.15 and we go into the toddlers room for a last story and bed. She won’t lay down, plays, screams, tries to climb out of cot, demands milk, toys, walks around, you name it. I think part of the problem is she isn’t tired enough as she naps in the day (only for about an hour max) but she isn’t ready to drop the nap. She’s only 25 months, not close to 3.

I suppose the main problems are her bedtime naughtiness ancthe fact that ds wont entertain the idea of falling asleep in his own room. I need a solution as i’m Drained beyond belief and although i’m patient for about the first hour, after that I am getting angry. I just feel that I’ve been going all day and I just need a break and yet they still want more and more and more of me. And neither one sleeps through either. Clearly i’m An inadequate parent but WHAT do I do.

Have you tried keeping her awake in the day?

Also the primary reason i’m Concerned is the fact that ds is falling sleep far too late for a school night. He needs to be asleep but about half seven really, not almost 9. I just feel so powerless as his sister is controlling the whole thing and he won’t just go in his own bloody room without me!

Mine are the same at the moment. I’ve put up gro blinds behind the black out blinds and it’s made no difference. They just want to be up and playing. You think they’d be exhausted after being out all day too.

Sorry, not much help

Yes Pottering, but I always find she falls asleep on the afternoon school run if I do that, which is even worse as it’s a late nap.

It does actually help a bit to know i’m not alone! I do think it’s partly the light evenings, yes, but ironically dd has blackout blinds so her room is very dark and she’ll still mess about.

Absolute nightmare. I’ve got a 2 hour process at the moment... first hour getting the toddler settled then at least another hour of lying beside baby who will rouse at the slightest suspicion that I might be trying to roll away.

I think the only solution with your 2 year old is to be firm and consistent about getting her into bed and no getting up. That will no doubt cause tears and / or tantrums until she gets used to it so it depends on whether you’re prepared to go through that. You have my sympathy though, it’s such a bloody rubbish way to spend the evening, neither quality time playing or time to yourself.

Exactly the same here too, with an almost 6 year old and a 3 and a half year old who share the same room. It’s the younger one who’s causing all the problems. Neither of them will go to sleep without me but there’s been demands for food, ‘another book’ (then getting hysterical when I don’t read one), the smaller one lashing out and keeping climbing out of bed and so many more things that have me almost getting really really shouty at then. The smaller one finally went off at 830 even though he was knackered at 6 and the bigger one at 845. It’s such a bleeding PITA. I have friends who just tuck their children in and say goodnight and that’s it. My process takes almost 2 bloody hours.

Ok so both need you beside them to fall asleep?

Would it be possible to switch it around, put DS to bed first, do story etc and have DD with you on your lap and once he falls over bring DD to her room and do her routine. You may find she is more ready for sleep as it will be later and she will also have just witnessed her brother quietly settle down to sleep.

It may not be feasible or indeed buy you more time but could you switch them? Have stories in elder room and then would/could 2 year old sit and wait for you in cot with toy/book/audiobook/nightlight thing. That way eldest may drop off quicker and you can go to youngest who will catch up if needed by naps. This may not work or help. I don't know myself how to encourage them to drop of alone dd3 and D's 9mnths both need me present so I know it's exhausting. By time you're done it's bedtime for you!

Btw my eldest was a doddle to get to bed. He had a routine from day one and was asleep most nights before 7:30pm. Then my second came along and they shared a room. It all went to pot. They fucking tortured me. It was hell.

Can the youngest walk the school run or go in a trike? Between 5-7 used to be bedlam but I knew by 7.30 both would be asleep.

Can she self settle with a bottle? at that age, if it not the nap that's the issue, I'd leave her to it but pop back in and lay her down so she knows bedtime is bedtime.

Actually that is a good idea to switch them, as it’s the bigger one i’m worried about. I’ve tried it a couple of times and she just bombs around the upstairs and disturbs him bit perhaps if I persist it could work... if I have a particularly bad night (like tonight, when it was approaching nine) i’ll do that out of desperation so he can sleep. Maybe I should try doing that every night. Can’t be any worse than it currently is!

Unfortunately not barbie, school is about 6 Miles away so we have to drive. He didn’t get into the school that’s a 5 minute walk up the road, that’s another thread though!!

Zibidoo how old are yours now? Are they alright now? Out of interest! I’m sorry that others have the same issue but it is oddly comforting not to be alone!!

It’s been hard today as I’ve been home. I find i’m Much more patient on days i’ve Been st work as I haven’t seen them all day, but days i’ve Been home I just want them to go the f*ck to bed by 8pm!!! Bad mother!!

That's a pain, I hated it if my youngest slept after 3.30, we all knew that was her until 9/10pm even if it was only a 5 min cat nap.

Try the switching, a mix in the routine may work if she sees your eldest going to bed without a fuss. Fingers crossed for you.

It sounds very painful, and if they aren't sleeping through the night you must be absolutely exhausted. We were lucky with our two as they are close in age and so could have the same bedtime routine from pretty early on. They were pretty good really (dd was awful at going to sleep as a baby but OK by the time she hit toddlerdom). I wonder if you are being perhaps too patient? We had pretty fierce no getting up after bedtime unless you have a really good reason rules which mean that instead of being patient and then being pushed beyond our limits and losing it we were 'cross' much earlier on without having to put very much emotion into it so it was less draining IYSWIM. Swapping the focus so it's your son's time before your daughters sounds like it might be better for your children. Good luck!

They should have different bedtimes!
Read toddler a story, close the door and put 6yo to bed, read a story and close the door.
It’s simple.

I remember those days! I thought I would never get an evening without hours spent on bedtime!

Maybe try cutting DD's lunchtime nap to 40 minutes. And once you've put her to bed, ignore everything. Make sure she has a favourite toy she's chosen, have milk or water there that she can reach, then just leave her to it. The noise will be awful for a few nights (ear plugs for DS?) but she may give up once she knows there's no response.

If they both want you to be there at bedtime, can you sit outside their rooms? I had (have) four and had to do this for a few years. They preferred me closer but kind of understood and it was definitely easier than knowing I'd gone downstairs.

Also, how long do you spend with each at bedtime? The more time they've had to wind down before you say good night, the quicker they'll drop off. Or that's my theory, anyway!

Mine are older now, and a whole other set of issues 😬 but with your ds, would an audio book work? Maybe sell it to him that he’s a big boy, so can listen to a lovely story, sticker chart for if he stays in bed listening, then you won’t be anxious sorting dd out as he’ll be relaxing, even if not quite asleep.

I would also say to try switching the bedtimes though - good luck!

I would do the older one first like pp have suggested or can you set up a temporary bed for your DD in DS room so you can get them to sleep both together, instead of sitting with one first then the other? You could then move DD into her bed when you come up to bed.

Everything is usually just a phase so just go with what works for now, even if you have to change things a bit each night depending on how tired each one is, etc.

If the current routine isn't working then there's not much to lose if you totally change it.

Lots of good ideas here.

One idea. The story in bed might not be a great idea if they are thinking a story is part of playtime. Bed is for sleep only, good sleep hygiene would be no story in bed. Read the story downstairs with the lights dimmed and curtains drawn, tv off. Nice and calm final cuddle and then upstairs to bed. Worth a try!

OP mine are 12 and 8 now and brilliant sleepers. When they were 2 and 6 it was awful. I think because they shared a room and kept each other awake and played and messed around. I was also clueless about how to even attempt to deal with it so it always ended up in me shouting and all of us crying. Separate rooms and separate bedtimes really helped however my eldest was ok about settling to sleep himself. The youngest always needed me to stay with him.

It’s simple.

😂😂😂

Also good points Charlotte thank you! I’m also considering transforming the cot into a toddler bed (and putting a gate on her room of course) as then she hopefully won’t get so wound up by me putting her back in the cot/preventing her from chucking herself out of it. Maybe.

I think I just feel hard done by as I feel like i’ve tried to be fairly gentle with them, settling them to sleep and the like, and the ‘reward’ is just this absolute outrage from them when you ask for something pretty reasonable, ie going the fuck the sleep within, say, an hour, rather than two, with you right there next to them but not letting them actually have their arms wrapped right around your actual neck...