Is anyone else’s bedtime ‘routine’ this much of a farce

[PenelopeChipShop]

I am absolutely at breaking point with bedtime. Is ten to nine and i’m writing this while still waiting for 6yo ds to fall asleep after 1.5 hours of dicking about from him and his 2yo sister.

It’s mainly the toddler that is the problem - she takes FUCKING FOREVER to get to sleep. Ds will wait very nicely and quietly in her room for me to get her to bed BUT he won’t just go in his own bed and fall asleep while I settle her, he has to have me next to him. I have tried getting him to go in his room and ‘popping’ between them but it just prolongs the agony.

They are usually both ready for bed by 7-7.15 and we go into the toddlers room for a last story and bed. She won’t lay down, plays, screams, tries to climb out of cot, demands milk, toys, walks around, you name it. I think part of the problem is she isn’t tired enough as she naps in the day (only for about an hour max) but she isn’t ready to drop the nap. She’s only 25 months, not close to 3.

I suppose the main problems are her bedtime naughtiness ancthe fact that ds wont entertain the idea of falling asleep in his own room. I need a solution as i’m Drained beyond belief and although i’m patient for about the first hour, after that I am getting angry. I just feel that I’ve been going all day and I just need a break and yet they still want more and more and more of me. And neither one sleeps through either. Clearly i’m An inadequate parent but WHAT do I do.

Can you get hold of another adult for a few nights? I think I’d do rapid return with the little one and hopefully crack getting her in bed at a sensible time. But you need a second adult to do that, as she’ll disturb your 6yo, and he’ll need comforting and possible headphones / white noise. And you’ll need moral support.

I’m assuming they’re not in the same room? If so, that adds another level of tricky ness.

2 year old isn't safe in a cot if she is climbing out. I'd also cut her nap right down to 30-40 minutes.

Sounds like they need some boundaries at bedtime. Tuck them in, kiss good night then rapid return every time they get out of bed. You'll have a tough week then it should be a new routine.

My 2 year old is pretty much the same to he honest but she has a 2 hour nap during the day at nursery and wakes up close to 3pm. I've read that they need to go about 5-5.5 hours without sleep at this stage so she's usually not even a tiny bit tired before 8:30pm. I let her go into the garden about 7:30pm for a runaround for an hour after dinner. This seems to tire her out then it's straight into bath, a 10 minute post bath massage whilst she winds down with an episode of peppa then two story books and she pretty much falls asleep 5 minutes after that - she's so tired she even puts her own white noise on.

Super Nanny sleep routine worked for me. Might be on YouTube.

Mine are much older (5 and 7) but yes, it can take ages even now and was a complete farce at those ages .

My DS is 6 and goes to sleep around 9 every night - he’s obviously bathed and in bed much earlier but likes to read/pray around in his room before naturally falling asleep at that time. I’m fine with it as long as he’s not clearly overtired in the day or bugging me. So maybe try letting your DS stay up while you do DD’s bedtime and then putting him to bed afterwards? Then at least you’re only dealing with one at a time and he’ll be more tired?

Play about, not pray, I’m not raising a hugely devout child 😂

I’m not sure about the younger one. But with the older one, I think you need to work out what he really cares about and leverage that.

For my eldest it’s screen time and mucking about at bedtime loses her time (just a minute lost) on the tablet. I’m astounded that it works, but it has reliably worked for a few years now.

For my youngest (3) it has been really hard to work out what she cares enough about as she often just shrugs when you tell her off. But we have just introduced a rule of getting an extra book at bedtime the next night if she goes to bed nicely. I think it is working as she’s starting to negotiate for even more books if she’s ‘extra extra good’.

I’d concede that this my parenting approach might not be entirely orthodox, it’s probably best described as ‘threats and bribes’. But the do go the f*ck to sleep, which is something.

Unfortunately, reasonable is still a way off their capabilities... And firm is often useful alongside gentle.

But I well remember the frustrations of it all. And not knowing if you'd be able to find a solution and get them to settle well. However, they're now a bit older and go to bed very well, except for occasional upsets and illnesses. So, remind yourself often that this too will pass!

Ive got a 14 month old and it's been mental for a bit just climbs all over us wanting to snuggle but play st same time - really annoying as one of our evenings is taken up by the 90 minute fares while the other is sat alone so tonight I've started sleep training. Fingers crossed!

Reading this scares me. I have a not quite 3yr old and 15 month old. They're pretty good atm but both in cotbeds and baby still in my room.

What does the 2yr old do? I did gradual withdrawal with mine though at a younger age. He is now one of those tuck in and say goodnight children. I anticipate this changing when he goes into a bed.

Would something like that work for the 2yr old? See if you can get 6yr old settled first then do the gradual withdrawal method.

If my two year old naps he won't sleep till 10pm. Mine have a set routine dd 6 ds 2. Up for bath at 6.30 bath teeth story in my bed then each to there separate rooms for bed time. This works for us
If ds has a nap and won't sleep I give him a tablet (kindle fire) I set a time limit on it and he watches a film/programme which means he's not disturbing my dd

Plus it means I get a couple of hours peace in an evening

PenelopeChipShop
Do you think it would be easier if they shared a room for a while, only because you say you can't get your oldest to lie in bed while you settle the youngest. Wpuld save you having to go between rooms for so long. I haven't read all this thread so I'm pretty sure others have had much better advice though haha

You could try dropping the nap and getting the toddler to bed a bit earlier? My eldest DC dropped her nap at just turned two. She had started taking ages to settle at night. There was a painful transition period of over-tiredness in the evenings but she started going straight to sleep so it was worth it.

Op it can be sorted but you will have to be tough.

do a reward chart to get 6 yr old to read/play quietly in his room by 6.30pm, sweeten the pill,by buying a cool book or quiet game he really wants.He ONLY gets it if he goes into his room and stays playing/reading quietly on his own. Make reward really good for end of a week.

Then as to your younger one after story and hug , say 'Goodnght time for sleep' and walk away.

She will come out, take her back put in bed and say the same, (nothing else)

When she comes out next time say nothing, put her back, walk straight away.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, it will be really tough for the first couple of nights but if you stick at it it really will work...l have tried it.

Its a week (max ) up and down then peace.....

Good luck

The toddler you can’t reason with and I’m not the person to ask at all (I have a 2.5 year old who I still have to sit with too)
But not a chance would I be sitting with a 6 year old to go to sleep - story, kiss, goodnight, leave the room - he’s 6 not 6 months!

Also if your kids aren’t tired at 7 and you’ve admitted as such, why are you putting them to bed at that time?
My 6 year olds bedtime is 8 (and I do not sit with her till she falls asleep!)

Sorry, just re-read what you said about the school run. How about trying to shorten the daytime nap to 20-30 minutes? I found mine slept for a shorter time in the buggy rather than the cot? She might be a grouch if you wake her up but should be able to stay awake for school run and then hopefully be tired at bedtime.

With 5yo DS I promised him s reward if he could go to bed by himself for a month. He chose King from Cars. Best £3.99 I ever spent.

Read toddler a story, close the door and put 6yo to bed, read a story and close the door.

Kind of this - we've been through this recently - including 6yo climbing into 3yo's bed.
3yo now has stair gate closed on her room if she messes around (but she's been through yet another phase recently and has just given up). She can, and does, scream about this but lots of reassuring "time to sleep" ad nauseam.
6yo can lie on his floor, jump up and down, throw stuff if he wants but if he comes out of his room we shut the door. Again lots of reassuring and boring "time to sleep, stay in your room".
We have a Hue bulb for when if he turns his light on. Off it goes on Mummy or Daddy's phone.

I'm a big fan of naps but try reducing to 30 mins.

I’d sort the older one out and let the 2 year old watch an iPad in their cot while they wait. It’s what I do when my younger one isn’t tired but my school aged one needs to get to sleep.

Actually the iPad for the little one is a great idea, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that! The only potential issue is that oldest would be cross that he couldn’t also watch the iPad... but i’ll think of something! Thank you so much as there are lots of good ideas. I think i’m just so knackered and broken I can’t see the wood for the trees!

2 year old in bed for 6.45, 6 year old 7.30?
Story, kiss then close gate on the door for 2 year; straight back to bed when she gets out.
6 year old gets his story and kiss and told you’re going. I’d explain this beforehand, but be clear that you sitting there all night is over.