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Original poster

4 year old wont go to sleep alone and wakens thro night

42 replies

angm1 · 28/02/2006 22:31

my son has had no sleep problems until recently. We have had the same routine for years-toilet,teeth,story then sleep. When it time to leave him in his room he refuses to stay in his bed saying he is scared. My husband of myself have to sit with him until he is sleeping. When he comes through in the night we have to lie with him till he is asleep. Its like a seperation anxiety thing but we feel it is like we have taken a step back. Any ideas how to handle this one please? x

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chipkid · 28/02/2006 22:37

my ds has always been a brilliant sleeper. Since age 4 however he has insisted on having his full lights, bedside lamp and nightlight on! No matter how many times we turn them off he gets up and puts them on again!
I think at this age their imagination goes into overdrive and they suddenly become fearful of monsters etc!
we have this week taken the bulbs out of his overhead lights as I felt his sleep was really being disturbed. He has kept his bedside light and seems happy with this.
I am sure this phase will pass as he older

BudaBabe · 28/02/2006 22:42

Mine is the same - he's 4.5. Only just gone back into his own room as he & I have been in spare room since Xmas as he was scared of Santa. We had a tent thing (Ikea) that he loved as he said the monsters couldn't see him and it got broken (two girls in his bed!!!) and we have only just replaced it and he promised he would go back in his own bed if his tent was up. So it went up on Sunday and he hasn't spend a full night in his bed yet!

Also has night-light and bed-side light.

I told him he used to sleep on his own when he was a baby and he says he didn't dream of monsters then.

Original poster
angm1 · 28/02/2006 22:43

i hope you are right. Think his imagination has got alot to do with it. Here I am on the computer when i should be getting my sleep. I will go to bed and start thinking about what time he will be up! Its a never ending worry just now.

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gingernut · 28/02/2006 22:44

I also have a 4yo ds who recently has decided he wants his bedroom lights on at night. Do you leave a light on? In fact, just before ds asked to have his lights on he had started having a lot of bad dreams and was waking a lot in the night (he'd previously been a very good sleeper). Since having the lights on he's been sleeping much better.

Original poster
angm1 · 28/02/2006 22:46

its so frustrating as a parent when this happens is it. I am glad to know we are not the only ones with this problem. You feel as if you have gone wrong somewhere along the lines

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Original poster
angm1 · 28/02/2006 22:50

he has a night light. Its just this refusing to stay in his own bed, last thing we want is a screaming match at bedtime, frightened he wakens his wee sister. Sometimes I think he is pulling a fast one but he does seem genuinely scared

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Original poster
angm1 · 28/02/2006 23:09

thanks for the replies x

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Original poster
angm1 · 01/03/2006 09:57

update on last night. JB got up at 1130 and i put him back to his own bed with no fight at all from him. He was back within 10 minutes saying he was scared. Took him through to his bed and i ended up going in beside him, went back to my own bed when he was sleeping. 3am the boy is back through to our room my husband goes back with him, he refused to let daddy leave so I got up and went through with JB as daddy has to get up early for work. Should we just bite the bullet and let JB get upset and just put him back in his bed and insist he stays there, no matter how many times it takes? Very confused now do not want to start having to sleep with JB at this age.

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juliab · 01/03/2006 10:15

Hi Angm1! Just read this thread - you have my sympathies. We went through the same thing with ds2 a while ago.
Don't know if this will work for you but this is how we got ds2 back into his own bed for monster-free sleep.

  1. We left the landing light on and the door open.
  2. We go through this mad ritual of de-monstering his bedroom every night - checking under the bed etc. Sometimes dh pretends to chase a few off for good measure!
  3. We gave him a torch to put under his pillow. I've taped a circle of card with a smiley face cut out of it on the end of the torch. If he wakes up in the night thinking the monsters are there, he puts the torch on and it projects a huge smiley face onto the dark walls of his bedroom. Obviously, monsters hate happy faces and run away.
HTH!
Original poster
angm1 · 01/03/2006 10:23

my son is so strong willed. did your child refuse to stay in his bed?

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juliab · 01/03/2006 10:33

Not once he had his hands on the torch!
But maybe he hadn't quite got to the stage your ds is at. Think maybe you have two issues now: the monster thing, and the being in bed and staying there on his own thing. Tricky.
What does he do when he comes in saying he's scared and you take him back. Is he screaming? Do you think he's genuinely frightened or has he just got into the habit of you sleeping with him?

Original poster
angm1 · 01/03/2006 10:44

hes saying he is scared of nanny mcphee and the dark!! he does seem scared his breathing is heavy and his heart is racing. I think he is getting used to the fact that i am going in beside him. Do you think i should refuse to go in with him and just insist on reassuring and leaving him until he stays there. looks like we might be in for a few sleepless nights but if this is the only way to stop the carry on i will do anything

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juliab · 01/03/2006 10:49

He's does sound properly scared then (unless he's a great actor!)
How about doing it in stages? Start off sitting by his bed (so, not getting in with him but staying with him till he's settled) and then, over the next few days, gradually withdraw nearer and nearer to the door. If he's genuinely scared, think this will work better than just putting him back and going away. Won't be much fun for you, though!
Maybe you could talk about the Nanny McPhee thing too? Find out exactly what scares him, make sure he understands it's just a story and it isn't real?

Original poster
angm1 · 01/03/2006 10:56

i think you are right. We will have to try and detatch from him. It will be sleepless nights for a while but it seem like the only way out of this mess. Its so frustrating we have had np problems at all with him up until this makes you feel as if we have done something wrong. Sometimes its hard to stay calm in the middle of the night buy JB getting upset is not achieving anything at all.

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juliab · 01/03/2006 11:00

Good luck angm1! Let me know how it goes, won't you?

Original poster
angm1 · 01/03/2006 11:03

yes I will come back on tomorrow. Better go and do some housework now!! Thanks for your advice x

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dizzymummy · 01/03/2006 12:11

Hi, had the same problem with dd (4) got a little spray bottle from superdrug (about 99p), filled it with water and told her it was monster spray. Told her to spray it on her forehead when she gets scared to scare all the imaginary monsters away -works a treat!

Original poster
angm1 · 01/03/2006 20:45

a good start to the night...JB is away to bed with after getting a sticker for going with little fuss. He is armed with a torch and a spray gun filled with 'magic blue water' that scares away the scary things. just checked on him twice and he has fell asleep without me sitting there. Heres hoping it lasts-will keep you updated! Thanks for all the advice x

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Original poster
angm1 · 02/03/2006 10:57

JB was up at 445 came in our room i marched him back to his own room where he went into his bed and would not let me leave. Ended up sitting there for over an hour then I took him downstairs to see how he liked that(he did not). Went back up after 20 mins and again would not let me leave the room. I took away a few of his stickers and he did not get a gold one for a 'good night'.Ended up staying in room at bottom of bed for 40 minutes he kept wakening to see if I was still there then went back to my bed at 545 when he was asleep and within 2 minutes he came through. Ended up coming in our bed as my husband was up at 6 anyway. Still demented!!!!!!!!!!!!! He does not seemed to fussed about the sticker thing too.

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juliab · 02/03/2006 11:26

Hey angm1!
Well I reckon that's a partial success! Honestly. He can clearly get himself off to sleep without you now, so that's great. And he nearly made it through the night without waking. Well done!
All you've got to do now is get him to go back to sleep on his own when he does wake (say it fast and it sounds easier!)

Original poster
angm1 · 02/03/2006 11:35

Yeah I suppose you are right. I am looking at all the negatives it is a start that he went to sleep himself which was great. Its just the night wakening ane going back to sleep without me sitting there. I am very frustrated. My husband thinks we should take away the routine and keep him up till he is so tired im not sure?

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juliab · 02/03/2006 11:48

Thought you might be feeling negative - been there before you, remember? Wink
I wouldn't change the bedtime routine if I were you - it's working. And IME a very tired child nearly always sleeps worse, not better, than usual.
I'd just keep at it (knackering though it is). Don't bother mentioning the stickers in the night - he won't take it in. Just reassure and reassure and try to leave BEFORE he's completely asleep. That way, he knows you've gone and doesn't discover it in a panic when he wakes up later. Really do think it'll work if you're determined.

Original poster
angm1 · 03/03/2006 18:24

Hi juliab!

Heres what happened last night after consulting my health visitor! JB going to bed is no longer a problem its the staying there through the night that is.
We got an alarm clock and told JB he was welcome to come to our bedroom when the alarm went off. At 1045 JB came through I took him back to his bed saying he had to sleep here until the alarm clock went off. When I left the room he came out of his bed twice so I ended up shutting him in his room (HV advised this cos nothing else was working)and it worked! I opened his door on the basis that he stayed in his bed and that the light in the hall was left on. Had to close him in twice which was heart breaking hearing him cry for me but I had to do it. Heres hoping hes tired from being out in the snow all afternoon and we will all sleep soundly tonight x

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juliab · 03/03/2006 18:43

Hey, been wondering about you Grin
Congratulations, sounds like you nearly have it cracked! And if you only had to get tough twice last night, I'm sure it won't be long before he sleeps the whole night without coming in.
Well done you!
Shall be looking out for a 'he sleeps so soundly all night, I can't wake him in the morning' thread very soon!
(And then you can come and sort out my ds3 when he starts!)

FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 18:43

Why do you not want to let him come in with you, ang? Lots of people do sleep with their children, it's ok to do it if you want to.