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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

4 year old wont go to sleep alone and wakens thro night

42 replies

angm1 · 28/02/2006 22:31

my son has had no sleep problems until recently. We have had the same routine for years-toilet,teeth,story then sleep. When it time to leave him in his room he refuses to stay in his bed saying he is scared. My husband of myself have to sit with him until he is sleeping. When he comes through in the night we have to lie with him till he is asleep. Its like a seperation anxiety thing but we feel it is like we have taken a step back. Any ideas how to handle this one please? x

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BABYTAIT · 10/03/2006 10:36

sorry about the spelling,i can spell just that i've got 3 kids squealing and shouting around me at the minute,i'll be glad when 12o'clock comes{nursrey time for 2 of them thank god}best wishes.

BABYTAIT · 10/03/2006 10:32

hi there,i've had a look at your thread and everything i was going to suggset to already has been,there's not much that i can contribute to help as it looks like you've pretty much got things sorted,i can only say carry on wiyh what you're doing as it seems to be working for you,good luck and best wishes,
babytait.

angm1 · 04/03/2006 14:26

hows everybody today? :)

JB just got up once had to close the bedroom door twice but it was not closed for long as he soon calmed down and went back into his bed. Things are alot better compared to a couple of weeks ago :) :)

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angm1 · 03/03/2006 21:30

Lets see what tonight brings!! goodnight

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FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 21:26

Yes it does sound cruel doesn't it? I wonder if looking at why he is so scared, and trying to help him feel less afraid, rather than just telling him he is staying in his room, might be an idea?

angm1 · 03/03/2006 21:13

Just felt that holding his door closed was cruel! Its the only way to get him to stay in the room and it seems to be working. My auntie had to do this with my cousin and it worked for them. Its not nice when he gets upset but it seems the only way to make him understand he is staying in his own bed till morning

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FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 21:07

Yes, he has always been a disturbed sleeper. It is a very different situation to yours. I am used to it now and we sleep together so I don't have to waken fully (or even at all sometimes) to deal with him, but for you it must be exhausting.

You don't sound totally happy with what the HV advised, is there anyone else you could talk to about it?

angm1 · 03/03/2006 21:02

Has your son always been like that? We find it frustrating because JB is 4 and this sleep thing just started a couple of weeks ago.

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FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 21:00

Ooh didn't see your previous post. That's great he went to sleep without any fuss, that's something to build on at least. I have been thinking about this and I would say that stickers etc. are not really going to do the job if he is really frightened. I would work towards supporting him to go to sleep by himself and stay in bed by himself at a pace he is comfortable with. Just moving slowly towards independence until he feels perfectly comfortable with it. Hard for you in the meantime if your nights keep getting disturbed :(

FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 20:58

My little non-sleeper is a boy, yes.

angm1 · 03/03/2006 20:56

Just wondering is it mostly boys you ladies out there have this sleep 'problem' with?

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angm1 · 03/03/2006 20:53

Thanks for the good luck. JB went to bed again tonight with little fuss checked on him once and he was sleeping. Heres hoping we get a good sleep tonight and everybody else out there x

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FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 19:19

Oh and good luck with the bedtime routine tonight. I can relate to it being a thing of dread :(

FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 19:18

No, I just wondered ang, as I said. I can accept the fact you do things differently, but it's always interesting to hear people's reasons why. Erm, which you didn't mention yet :)

angm1 · 03/03/2006 19:07

Its not that we think its wrong or a bad thing to do. Different families do different things and JB sleeping with us is something we are not starting especially the fact he is 4. I will log on later after kids bedded x

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FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 19:04

Yes I do, ang. We don't get a great night's sleep every night that is for sure :)

Just wondered why you had ruled this out as an option - I think many people think it is 'wrong' and that they 'should not' allow it. I would not rule out any options that might help you to get through this very upsetting situation.

angm1 · 03/03/2006 19:00

Thanks juliab. We do not want to start our kids sleeping in our bed franny and zooey. We feel none of us sleep properly, do you have your kids in your bed?

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FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2006 18:43

Why do you not want to let him come in with you, ang? Lots of people do sleep with their children, it's ok to do it if you want to.

juliab · 03/03/2006 18:43

Hey, been wondering about you
Congratulations, sounds like you nearly have it cracked! And if you only had to get tough twice last night, I'm sure it won't be long before he sleeps the whole night without coming in.
Well done you!
Shall be looking out for a 'he sleeps so soundly all night, I can't wake him in the morning' thread very soon!
(And then you can come and sort out my ds3 when he starts!)

angm1 · 03/03/2006 18:24

Hi juliab!

Heres what happened last night after consulting my health visitor! JB going to bed is no longer a problem its the staying there through the night that is.
We got an alarm clock and told JB he was welcome to come to our bedroom when the alarm went off. At 1045 JB came through I took him back to his bed saying he had to sleep here until the alarm clock went off. When I left the room he came out of his bed twice so I ended up shutting him in his room (HV advised this cos nothing else was working)and it worked! I opened his door on the basis that he stayed in his bed and that the light in the hall was left on. Had to close him in twice which was heart breaking hearing him cry for me but I had to do it. Heres hoping hes tired from being out in the snow all afternoon and we will all sleep soundly tonight x

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juliab · 02/03/2006 11:48

Thought you might be feeling negative - been there before you, remember?
I wouldn't change the bedtime routine if I were you - it's working. And IME a very tired child nearly always sleeps worse, not better, than usual.
I'd just keep at it (knackering though it is). Don't bother mentioning the stickers in the night - he won't take it in. Just reassure and reassure and try to leave BEFORE he's completely asleep. That way, he knows you've gone and doesn't discover it in a panic when he wakes up later. Really do think it'll work if you're determined.

angm1 · 02/03/2006 11:35

Yeah I suppose you are right. I am looking at all the negatives it is a start that he went to sleep himself which was great. Its just the night wakening ane going back to sleep without me sitting there. I am very frustrated. My husband thinks we should take away the routine and keep him up till he is so tired im not sure?

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juliab · 02/03/2006 11:26

Hey angm1!
Well I reckon that's a partial success! Honestly. He can clearly get himself off to sleep without you now, so that's great. And he nearly made it through the night without waking. Well done!
All you've got to do now is get him to go back to sleep on his own when he does wake (say it fast and it sounds easier!)

angm1 · 02/03/2006 10:57

JB was up at 445 came in our room i marched him back to his own room where he went into his bed and would not let me leave. Ended up sitting there for over an hour then I took him downstairs to see how he liked that(he did not). Went back up after 20 mins and again would not let me leave the room. I took away a few of his stickers and he did not get a gold one for a 'good night'.Ended up staying in room at bottom of bed for 40 minutes he kept wakening to see if I was still there then went back to my bed at 545 when he was asleep and within 2 minutes he came through. Ended up coming in our bed as my husband was up at 6 anyway. Still demented!!!!!!!!!!!!! He does not seemed to fussed about the sticker thing too.

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angm1 · 01/03/2006 20:45

a good start to the night...JB is away to bed with after getting a sticker for going with little fuss. He is armed with a torch and a spray gun filled with 'magic blue water' that scares away the scary things. just checked on him twice and he has fell asleep without me sitting there. Heres hoping it lasts-will keep you updated! Thanks for all the advice x

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