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Original poster

Can't get any sleep! Bedsharing with ten month old...HELP

29 replies

liquoriceallsorts · 25/09/2005 22:49

Am having trouble with my ten month old ds and would appreciate some advice. Basically I cannot get him to sleep in his cot at all. Been this way for a couple of months although he never slept well in the cot and usually ended the night with me. MIL says "its because he is breastfed!" and could do without those 'helpful' suggestions.

Have tried controlled crying but gave in after 1 hour when he was sobbing and covered in vomit. Ironically I have two other kids who both sleep through the nights in their own beds. Wondering where I went wrong.

Don't mind bed sharing too much but dread having ds in bed when still age 12 or something...

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 25/09/2005 22:52

If you don't mind bed-sharing, keep him there until he's a bit older and might go into a cot more easily.

And ignore MIL. Definitely

emkana · 25/09/2005 22:52

He won't be with you when he's 12.

My dd1 shared a bed with me, when she was two and a bit we bought her her own bed and she loved it and moved into it no probs.

If you don't mind bedhsharing and you find controlled crying too distressing (which I personally think it is for a baby/small child), then don't feel bad about doing what you're doing.

Original poster
liquoriceallsorts · 25/09/2005 22:54

Thanks. Did you bedshare and if so at what age did you get them to leave?

OP posts:
spod · 25/09/2005 22:55

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Original poster
liquoriceallsorts · 25/09/2005 22:55

Do feel very guilty and other mums I meet frown and tell me cc is the only way. I think I've gone very soft with this baby and I can't bear for him to cry like that. He is generally so mellow and happy.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 25/09/2005 22:56

Ah. Er, no. Except on a few rare occasions when DS was having a growth spurt and it was easier to keep him in bed with me because he fed so much. He's always slept better by himself.

But honestly, you won't have a 12-year-old in bed with you.

hunkermunker · 25/09/2005 22:56

Other mums aren't you and don't have your child. Ignore them, change the subject when they ask about bed-sharing, or lie

spod · 25/09/2005 22:57

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milward · 25/09/2005 22:58

Go with how you feel. I've co-slept with my dds & when they were ready they went into their own beds. If this means you all get some sleep then go with it - don't listen to your mil - it's nothing to do with bf or any other parenting choice you've made. Best wishes.

Original poster
liquoriceallsorts · 25/09/2005 22:59

Thats the other thing hunkerm he feeds alot! About four times a night. Evil HV said that he doesn't need the breastmilk at this age and must be given water only.

OP posts:
dramaqueen72 · 25/09/2005 23:00

I co-slept with all of mine...ds til he was about 16mths, dd1 til she was about 18mths and dd2 til she was 20mths. have got to say buying thema 'big bed' was the factor that made them all want to sleep else where, being excited about chosing it, it arrving etc..... (and being quite religious about putting them back there when they staggered into our room at 1am/2am/3am)
i actually gave up bfing dd2 at the same stage as otherwise it really didnt help, so I know your mil is NOT helping by that comment, but the 2 were linked for us. i tried controlled crying too, but its not for me, I'm a total softy when it comes to it. thats okay tho, now ds(13) dd1 (11) and dd2 (2 ) all sleep thro til 7/8am and all in their own beds. despite my mil saying they never ever would if I let them in my bed.........

spod · 25/09/2005 23:00

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hunkermunker · 25/09/2005 23:01

But if you're happy and he's happy, it's not hurting anyone - so I'm not sure why other people should care so much!

Original poster
liquoriceallsorts · 25/09/2005 23:02

Thanks 4 all your kind advice. I must admit this baby has made me change my mind completely was dead against bedsharing before and thought it was a bit hippy. BUT i love having DS all snuggled in with us and we get so much more sleep than having to try and keep returning him to his cot all night.

OP posts:
spod · 25/09/2005 23:02

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spod · 25/09/2005 23:03

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Original poster
liquoriceallsorts · 25/09/2005 23:07

Only worry is baby falling out of bed - now he is big and incredibly mobile. What did you guys do to combat crawling off or falling off?

OP posts:
milward · 25/09/2005 23:11

My dd3 had to sleep in her cot at 10 months as she started crawling around the bed at night. My others stayed close to me at night.

Original poster
liquoriceallsorts · 25/09/2005 23:14

What if the baby goes to be before you? I end up going to bed really early most nights as am having to stay in the bedroom to ensure he doesn't fall off. When dh is not working late like tonight he is in bed with ds! Ds doesn't even start out the night in his cot...

OP posts:
milward · 25/09/2005 23:18

I carried my little one around with me - she slept in my arms, was bf or just was happy to be on the go seeing what was happening. WHen I was going to bed my little one went to bed. Only prob was the morning as dh had to stay with her whilst I got ready for the day.

dramaqueen72 · 25/09/2005 23:21

yes either they slept on the sofa or somewhere near me til I went to bed, or they were put in the middle of our bed, rather than at a 'side'.

spod · 27/09/2005 13:32

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frannyf · 27/09/2005 14:07

Hiya, we still bedshare and ds is now 2.5. Agree I also thought it was very odd before we had him - but it's lovely, isn't it? We were lucky as we have a futon on the floor so no problems with rolling out. I think you should do what you want and surely the first rule of motherhood is to ignore your MIL! If you are interested in why some babies sleep better this way you might be interested in Deborah Jackson's book Three in a Bed. Useful ammo for when people criticise. Dr. Sears' books are also useful - reassuring, and give good advice for common bedsharing problems.

He won't be in with you when he's 12! (although was it just me who heard that Gina Ford slept with her mother until she was about that age? No comment!)

bundle · 27/09/2005 14:10

i would never bedshare (unless my dd's were ill) as the quality of sleep i get is v poor if they're there wriggling around. me and dd2 are especially light sleepers.

re: falling off, couldn't you get one of those rail things and shove the bed against the wall?

frannyf · 27/09/2005 14:11

Should have said, put him in between you and dh to stop him rolling out, or maybe look at "sidecar" cots where they lie right next to you (Blooming Marvellous do one I think), or the Tomy bed guard which you attach to the side of your bed (ditto).

Also wanted to say - you're not doing it wrong. Sticking with something that doesn't work for this baby, just because it worked for your other two, not that would have been wrong!