Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

dear mn hq please could threads to do with testing for ds and other disabilities

67 replies

Shoesytwoesy · 12/04/2011 11:06

be move in to the antenatal testing/choices topic. I remember that was why it was set up, so that it could be easily hidden.
yet we have a thread in chat of all places, surely it would be better for these threads to be moved.

OP posts:
NotTheMessiahJustMouseface · 12/04/2011 11:31

I agree, Chat is not really the place for threads like that. A lot of MNers have been through horrific experiences of trying to decide whether or not to test, risk miscarriage or terminate.

If ther eis a specific topic for this sort of thing, then posters need to be made aware of it and any threads moved to there.

NotTheMessiahJustMouseface · 12/04/2011 11:31

'there is'

FanjOeuForTheMammaries · 12/04/2011 11:43

Hear hear, I don't wnt to read why my DD is unwanted

Cattleprod · 12/04/2011 11:59

I think there should be a general tightening up of which threads go where. There are far too many in AIBU just 'to get more traffic', loads of pregnancy, breastfeeding, vaccination etc stuff all over the place, scary looking titles 'Help, Urgent!!' etc that turn out to be something lighthearted, hardcore swearing in thread titles that I know a lot of people don't like, too many uses of words, particularly related to disabilities, that offend many people etc.

Could someone at MNHQ spend an hour a day shunting threads round and putting them in the right topic? I know most are annoying rather than upsetting to people, but it would make mn much easier to navigate.

borderslass · 12/04/2011 12:00

I agree it is not the right place for such discussions many MNers have been through this painful discussion in RL.

twolittlemonkeys · 12/04/2011 12:02

Totally agree with you, Cattleprod is right that threads are in the wrong place throughout, it is annoying

SanctiMoanyArse · 12/04/2011 12:05

I agree
Don;t get me wrong- it's a valuable thread which has so far managed not to disintegrate into anything horrid and I am glad it exists- but I think it's something you have to be able to deal with, and not coping with recent aftermath of the experience / diagnosis of chromosomal abnormality / midway through tests etc.

geordieminx · 12/04/2011 12:07

Amen cattle prod!

I am sick of threads in AIBU that are just stuck there out of laziness/to get a higher volume of traffic, usually AIBU to ask you all what you think of my new haircut/how to paint the shed/vote for my hamster in thus beauty competition.

Was really annoyed last week with a thread URGENT HELP and it turns out to me about fecking party bags!!

I think as mumsnet attracts more and more traffic the bigger this problem becomes. We really could do with a couple of moderators, not necessarily to reprimand or police the site, but just to keep things organised, housekeepers perhaps?

(((happy to help for a large modest fee))))

ShowOfHands · 12/04/2011 12:09

Sancti is right. It's a valid thread and a good question but because it's so sensitive people do read it in a personal way. You can't help it. It can't remain about the topic but is translated into being about individuals.

I have a few topics hidden because the content is not something I want to deal with. But things do end up in chat and aibu and I'm still hiding threads at least weekly that should have been elsewhere in the first place.

The two main problems seem to be a desire for high traffic (aibu) and a desire for it to be deleted eventually (chat). The first would definitely be tackled by more consistent usage of the right topic.

iskra · 12/04/2011 12:16

I agree that people seem to use AIBU in particular instead of filing it correctly in the relevant topic. Irritating.

Original poster
Shoesytwoesy · 12/04/2011 12:16

it is valid, but not in chat.
I don't want to keep having to defend my childs right to live, or to have to see these threads, they have a topic they should be in there, it is a sensitive subject that causes a lot of hurt for people who have children with sn

OP posts:
PheasantPlucker · 12/04/2011 12:20

I agree with Shoesytwoesy

5inthebed · 12/04/2011 12:21

I agree with most of what has been said on here.

The testing topic was set up for such disussions, and such threads should be moved there.

chocolatecoveredlissielou · 12/04/2011 12:21

i agree.

SoupDragon · 12/04/2011 12:22

Would it not be better to report the original posts on those threads to alert MN that they need to be moved?

Original poster
Shoesytwoesy · 12/04/2011 12:25

SoupDragon yes your probably right, but I thought asking here might get it across how hard these threads are for people and mn might then say yes they would do that.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 12/04/2011 12:25

I did originally think that Soupy, but it's part of a larger problem with AIBU and Chat being populated by threads that shouldn't be there. Usually you shrug and move on but with very sensitive topics, it just serves to highlight the issue and it probably needs tackling more broadly now that MN is so big.

geordieminx · 12/04/2011 12:25

If you started reporting threads that were in the wrong place you'd be on all day.

Goblinchild · 12/04/2011 12:26

I agree that some people just don't seem to be bothered about where threads should be started, in particular ones with a controversial or potentially distressing subject.
Perhaps we could just click and report the OP for being in the wrong place, then MN wouldn't have to go looking amongst the thousands.
Not for excessively pedantic reasons, just the ones that do cause distress.

On a lighter note, I'd banish all those annoying S&B waxing and polishing ones to the correct area. The one I've hidden.

SoupDragon · 12/04/2011 12:28

The only way MN are realistically likely to see them is if you report them though.

I'm not suggesting people so it for all is placed threrads, that would be unnecessary and a bit pathetic IMO. Just the sensitive ones.

Original poster
Shoesytwoesy · 12/04/2011 12:29

tbh I wouldn't report every thread, but I think ones concerning sensitive subjects like testing for ds, should be in the correct topic, it was set up for that reason.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 12/04/2011 12:39

I agree that chat is perhaps not the place for that thread. but I'm not sure that the antenatal choices topic is either. Ultimately, that thread was started more as a discussion - a debate, as it were. The antenatal choices topic was set up in order that people who themselves were going through the process of testing and potentially termination could go there to gain support/advice from others who have been through the same thing, while at the same time those who didn't want to see those types of topics in pregnancy topic didn't have to see them. I'm not sure that a discussion debating the rights and wrongs for terminating for disabillities has a place in what is supposed to be a supportive topic either, tbh.

I agree about the overload of threads in ibu though and do think that to have some kinds of moderators who could be responsible for that kind of admin might be a good idea. I moderate on another site (not as big as this one) and part of the remit is to ensure that topics are posted in the right places and to move them if not.

Original poster
Shoesytwoesy · 12/04/2011 12:42

but then what about people who have children with sn, they are being hurt time and time again by these threads, the discussion is about terminating for ds, that surely is to do with antenatal testing.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 12/04/2011 13:00

I do see that, but equally I think that if you move those threads into a topic that is there essentially to support parents going through the testing and sometimes termination process you run the risk that other parents who themselves feel they are in a vulnerable position are going to feel judged for the decisions they have made.

And the reality is that you're not going to stop the thread titles from appearing in inappropriate topics before being moved, so the parents of children with sn will still see them.

Don't get me wrong - I do totally see where you're coming from, and my views on the subject are well published across mn Wink but I think that in reality those kinds of topics are always going to upset someone, be that the disabled person/parent of the disabled child who feels that society feels their child's life is not worth living, or the parent who has terminated a disabled baby who feels that they have been judged for making what they perceive to be the right decision for them.

Perhaps instead it would be better to have mn create a "contentious" discussions/debates" topic, that way these threads could still be debated but further out of the public arena, but anyone clicking on the topic would know that anything being debated here was potentially sensitive/contentious.

ShowOfHands · 12/04/2011 13:23

wannabe is right, but I still can't decide what I think. Because a general discussion about something is different to a personal situation. And a general discussion is something where you want a wide range of opinions so chat's your place.

I understand though that it causes pain and why shoes et al want it confined and I can't think of a way of saying this that doesn't sound hurtful, but it isn't about individuals. It isn't about your child and whether they deserve to live. The pain is not caused by the fact of the discussion. Oh I can't explain myself. It's a crap comparison but I have terrible ptsd that's set off by discussion about csection. And I am hurt by some comments about csections being less than optimum or research into children not delivered vaginally being less able to cope as adults. But those feelings come from me and it's my prerogative to move away from the discussion, not impose conditions on it. Useless, trite comparison I know and I apologise for it.

I genuinely don't know.