No judgement required here. Communication advice needed.

[lloveweetabix]

Husband and I together a very long time, we have older children some at home some moved out. We’ve lost the flirty sexy part. We have sex about 3 times per month. Always the same he makes sure I finish then he finishes - no change same routine every time. It’s not unsatisfying but a little boring. (Omg I feel so bad even typing that!)

Anyway. I want to initiate more and maybe do different things and also talk about it more and be flirty. Just be more open with each other about sex.

Hes away for a couple nights at work and I know he’s bored in hotel. Last night we had a nice text chat about rubbish. I got to thinking maybe tonight I could mention what I was thinking

so, I want to ask basically if he wants me to initiate more be more bold or would he think I’m a mad nymph if I do?

im 9 years younger than he is he’s in 60’s im in 50’s (early)

Do it, he'll love it!

Do you think he'd be up (so to speak!) for some phone or text sex? Sometimes it's easier being a bit more outrageous when you can't see each other.

That’s what I was thinking. I just have no clue where to start? I thought if I asked was he up for more that might be a start????

I think that’s a question you don’t ask by text when he’s away on his own. I would be wondering what was going on to receive a text like that in that circumstance. Maybe just be a bit flirty in your next text messages and ask your question face to face when he gets back.

Start by sending a text saying you are feeling a bit "frisky" (not too much detail) while he is away to set him thinking...see what reply you get back..

Actions speak louder than words, when he gets back do something you wouldn't normally do and guage his reaction...i wish my wife thought like that 😂

I sent a text last night saying “I wish you were here, miss you and your touch”. He hearted the text It’s this reaction that makes me worry he thinks I’m some sort of crazy nymph

I bet he’d be delighted to think that. 😁

I’d love to receive a text like that, it doesn’t come across as nympho at all.

Good work... now time to up the ante..another text but a bit more saucy/risque...

Unfortunately I disagree with PPs. The dreaded emoji reply is something I am all to familiar with. It’s an acknowledgement that the text has happened without getting involved in the sexting. I have tried to combat this with sending emojis but these are met with either the heat emojis or thumbs up emoji.

You seem very worried about coming across overly sexual @lloveweetabix is this because you lack confidence in leading or initiating or is it because DH has historically took the lead which has lead to your current routine situation?

You could probably stretch your imagination a bit more than that, i don't think that screams Nympho to me...

Every man would love a wife like you, go for it.

This is bang on. He always takes the lead and I’ve not really initiated a lot but it means it’s very routine and samey.

I agree, he didn't up the ante despite being given a clear indicator.

He seems happy with how things are?

It’s an acknowledgement that the text has happened without getting involved in the sexting. I have tried to combat this with sending emojis but these are met with either the heat emojis or thumbs up emoji.

Not everyone is into texting/sexting in a big way.

It’s interesting isn’t it that many thirsty male MN’ers would genuinely be over the moon with an initiating text but for some men it can be a threat. However we all think we can handle a sexually confident woman but experience tells me we can’t. I’ve only encountered one truly liberated un abandoned woman and it’s not for everyone 😳. I hung on for a while it was very fun.

What your managing here is the changing of dynamic he’s always done what he’s done his man brains told him he’s doing great but he’s possibly in Andropause which can effect us. And maybe slowing down a bit

You are possibly moving into a different more confident self and finding you voice for what you’d like the future t look like loads of posts on here similar it’s up to you both to see what you want.

he can either lean into this new you or you can tone down your desires and maintain status quo. He’d be mad to not learn in but that’s me.

As a pp said you need a small step in otherwise you could frighten him or emasculate him and you sound like you love the fella and don’t want to do that

lDon’t went to get TMI but what would you fancy doing that you’ve not done for a while or maybe never tried could you discuss and ask for that ?

id like us to be more flirty. I’ve been reading a book called Slow Sex. It advocates a slower pace during intimacy. Enjoy the moment rather chasing the orgasm. I’d love the confidence to suggest this.

Would he go to a spa for the day with you? Could you book a couples treatment and experience massage together and maybe buy some to use at home. Use them to slow things down and enjoy touch even an inexpensive massager and see where is goes?

If he’s anything like my dad that may be a no but worth a try. Or if subtle doesn’t work just dust yourself down and go for it tell him you. Feel like a coiled spring and want more for both of you which is perfectly reasonable x

My boyfriend wouldn't think your text was sexual at all.

He'd need it spelt out to him far more than your subtle text.

Maybe be a little more brazen and see where that gets you?

I see what you mean I’m not sure what to write. He’s older than me and a bit more reserved.

When does he get back? Maybe best to take the lead when he returns and show him how much you missed his touch?

An emoji reaction is a bit discouraging, probably too busy wanking to pornhub if he's away alone in a hotel

I think everyone likes a bit of a flirt/ sext. Be a bit explicit would be my advice or, if he's a bit reserved send a sex/sexy gif with 'want you were here doing this' or similar?

"I don't think you understood what I was trying to say.

I keep remembering your hands all over my body and it's really making me miss you. I want to take you straight to bed when you get home.

What would you like me to do for you when we get there?"

How about something like that? Direct statement about where your head is at and a question for him to continue the conversation.

But not overtly sexualised. That's for after his reply 🤞

Yep that's quite forward for a bloke who is a shy type.