No judgement required here. Communication advice needed.

[lloveweetabix]

Husband and I together a very long time, we have older children some at home some moved out. We’ve lost the flirty sexy part. We have sex about 3 times per month. Always the same he makes sure I finish then he finishes - no change same routine every time. It’s not unsatisfying but a little boring. (Omg I feel so bad even typing that!)

Anyway. I want to initiate more and maybe do different things and also talk about it more and be flirty. Just be more open with each other about sex.

Hes away for a couple nights at work and I know he’s bored in hotel. Last night we had a nice text chat about rubbish. I got to thinking maybe tonight I could mention what I was thinking

so, I want to ask basically if he wants me to initiate more be more bold or would he think I’m a mad nymph if I do?

im 9 years younger than he is he’s in 60’s im in 50’s (early)

No they wouldn't! Have you seen all the women on the sexless marriage thread whose husbands aren't interested?
I sent my stbExH a picture of a new sex toy I'd bought hoping to encourage him to show some interest in me by running upstairs with his trousers down and his cock out and he replied:

"Feeling frisky are you?"
"Yes" I replied.
He left a 😆 emoji and that was the end of that.
Can't tell you how much that hurt at the time.

I agree @AbsolutelyragingImsocross When you’ve made the effort the dreaded emoji is a short to the heart.

I think if you’re on this board because you like and enjoy sex there is a very high chance that you’re going to receive a sexual message text,picture (not unsolicited dick pic) or even an emoji 🍆 🐱 well.

Having a partner that doesn’t and never initiates or in ops case isn’t used too his wife initiating becomes hard to understand if you’ve never encountered it.

Yes I think this is what I am worried about. The emoji reply was a bit of a poke in the eye. He came home last night and was tired from travel so had a cuddle and went to sleep. I genuinely think he doesn’t realise I have needs too. Although I get he was tired bless him. Major communications overhaul is needed here I think. However next week when I’ve moved out of this cycle I’ll hate the sight of him. He can’t win.

I used to think that all men where up for it all of the time but it seems thats not the case, there seems to be a lot of women struggling to get sexual attention from their partners as well, i guess until you’re in that situation where you lose interest it’s difficult to understand, but communication is so important.

I don’t get any kind of explanation as to why, i just get told, if you want that you’ll have to leave, is it because she genuinely has no urge, is it because she doesn’t fancy me anymore, is it because her head has been turned, is it to do with 20 years of relationship baggage, maybe it’s none of those but the key to finding a fix or making a decision to move on is communication, without it your stuck in limbo with emotional trauma and it consumes you. I can see why some people with good morals end up cheating.

Yes I see that. I think we were in such a wee “once on a Sunday morning” rut and it was safe then because the kids were busy. But life moved on and I’m away my change in hormones has increased my sex drive. I think he is struggling with getting older and feeling tired and prioritising other things.
I need to talk to him about it before it becomes a bigger issue I guess.

I’d be more than happy if DW wanted to initiate more and be flirty and suggestive, but I’d also like to think we could do that without needing to text/ message each other about it, though I do get it could be fun in some circumstances