My boyfriend never makes me finish!

[Holly1221]

Me (28F) and my boyfriend (31M) have been dating since January this year. We have a good relationship and we do have sex fairly frequently but he rarely makes me finish.

The sex basically consists of him initiating, trying to insert himself slowly even though im not fully wet yet, and he just continues to do this until I am wet. The sex lasts about 2 minutes of penetration and then he finishes.

I've brought it up to him before that I don't expect to cum every time but once in a while would be nice. He says that im the first woman he's been with that has never cum from penetration. This comment made me feel like im the problem. He said we might be sexually incompatible if he cant make me cum. Ive tried to tell him I cant finish from actual penetration and that I need external stimulation and I told him to use his hand but he says its too difficult to do when he's on top. I can tell he does try to make me cum during penetration my pressing my lower pelvis and moving my hips back and forth when im on top, but I still cant cum from this. Ive told him this multiple times and he thinks its because we are sexually incompatible. Even though every other man has made me cum by external stimulation using their hand. It's really deflating because its made me feel like I have a problem because I cant cum from penetration and all the other women he has been with have been able to.

He suggested going down on me but I really feel self concious about that and would much rather he'd just use his hand but he says its too difficult. Does anyone have any tips or advice? Or even reassurance that I'm not completely abnormal.

He sounds as though he's very inexperienced at sex. Could you try insisting that he gets you to cum first (hand or mouth or vibrator or whatever) before he gets anywhere near PIV?

I would say that you are incompatible and that he is selfish and doesn’t understand women or sex. For him to ignore your feelings and state that no other woman has a problem should tell you everything you need to know. Throw this one back in the pond and get someone who deserves you and treats you better

it sounds like you need better communication with each other. Could you guide/show him how you like to be touched? Maybe change up positions too and you go on top, you can grind your pelvis on him and it would then stimulate your clit

Only 15% of women can orgasm from PIV, and your BF needs to accept this. If he believes that 100% of the women he has slept with had or harms from PIV, they were faking it and he is a damn fool. YOU ARE NOT ABNORMAL.

Oral sex can be great…if you feel self conscious, I’ve found that showering beforehand and doing it in the dark help.

Can I also recommend lube? In addition to PIV, lube is also great when he’s using his hands on you externally—everything glides a bit better.

You need to communicate. Good luck.

Time to move on this is never going to work he is not listening to you

It sounds like your bf needs to sharpen up his technique.

1. More foreplay
2. No penetration unless you're ready.

This is basic stuff, how can he have got to 31 and not know this?

Also, don't rely on him for clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex, do it yourself. It's easier to reach and feels much better because you can control pressure, speed etc😉

As for blaming you for not cumming...he's in denial if he imagines his exes didn't fake it from his woeful sounding efforts.

Sounds like he needs a bit of training up! If he doesn't respond/improve might be worth reconsidering whether he's worth the effort.

Two minutes is very short.

Two minutes is very very short.

Try being on top and controlling the situation with your pleasure in mind

Moving on (to someone who has more ideas and can last longer) is probably a better option

You've replied to the wrong person, but funnily enough I've been reconsidering my post a bit. It isn't the two minutes that's the problem it's that that is all there is. I usually take about an hour, bit of this bit of that, return to this ;-), woman comes first, then two minutes (or even less) for the man to finish off is fine, but not when that is all there is to it.

With him on top it makes sense for you to be the one to use your hand, but what about backwards and/or with you on top?

Can you overcome your aversion to him going down on you? Perhaps some previous man has put you off this, but don’t let his problem become yours.

Unfortunately though it sounds like your current man is a bit of a selfish lover. No change in technique can really do anything about this.

I was agreeing with your two minute comment. 😀. I am sure the OP will be along shortly to respond to all the comments

The sex basically consists of him initiating, trying to insert himself slowly even though im not fully wet yet.

He's basically using your vagina to wank himself off with no effort to turn you on or give you pleasure.

There is so much more to sex than this and he sounds, at best, very inexperienced (at worst incredibly selfish!).

Tell him (or even better, show him) how to get you off using his fingers, tell him you want to cum before he starts PIV in future as PIV isn't sufficient alone. If he isn't willing to listen to what works for you then he will always be a disappointment in bed.

He's the problem, not you. His technique and attitude sounds selfish and wrong. It's entirely up to you and sex isn't everything but I personally wouldn't want to be with a guy like that

My ex-h was like this. It never improved (he was 35 when we married; I was only 25 - both of us inexperienced) and we ended up in a sexless marriage for the last 10 years of the marriage (my doing).

You sound incompatible and he sounds like a selfish lover! I’d move on at your age. Don’t be like me and stay!

Is there any reason you can’t use your own hand to stimulate yourself, or a vibrator? I wouldn’t expect my DH to play with my clit while he’s on top tbh!

OP, what a silly man! It appears that you are a victim of his own ego in what he can achieve in 2 minutes. This shows that he does not understand how a woman “works”. I would also suggest that, if he is being honest about what previous partners have told him they were faking it. The clitoris is the main female sex organ.

Him suggesting that you are both sexually incompatible, is akin to victim blaming, it is not you, it’s him.

I think it’s sad that you won’t let him go down on you though, offering this seems his only saving grace. For me, no oral = no entry. Male hands alone just can’t deliver. Have your previous partners gone down on you? If done well, it really is the best feeling in the world.

Take care OP, you deserve better. ❤️

Agree with you there, he shouldn't just resort to saying "we're sexually incompatible". He has all the tools he needs to satisfy her, he just isn't using them. 2 minutes on its own is less than ideal but would be fine after 58 minutes of other things.

The OP really should let him try with his mouth though if he's eager. Straight out of the shower there should be nothing to be self conscious about. Its a game changer!

Disagree on male hands though, hubby is a magician with one finger and a thumb.

I think you'd be hard pushed to find any woman that would cum from 2 minutes of PIV, there are lots of people that just don't cum at all from PIV, anyway he's definitely not very good at it and any man that leaves you hanging afterwards is just a wanker, the bare minimum should be ensuring you partner is satisfied however that might look. Why wouldn't you want him to go down on you?

Maybe that's what you need, i can't think of any reason a woman could give that would make you not want to go down on her except for 4 things

It's that time of the month
I have an STD
It stinks
I've been with another man

I hope you manage to figure it out but if he can't manage to figure out how to stimulate you then maybe he needs some training...

I agree about the training requirement. There’s often a degree of lazyness mixed with the misaprention too. But a 2 minute job it isn’t. It seems some men need a reality check. I’m bi and there are some advantages with a F/F asignation and identical bodies.

As for your fingers comment, l’m pleased it works well for you. My logic was that bit l can do better myself. Now if l was double jointed, then we really would be talking 😘 x

Same here, I call myself a non-practicing bisexual these days as I'm happily married and have a 5 month old DD. I know what you mean about identical bodies, I think that's not all it is though, communication just tends to be better too when its two women. In my experience it has been anyway.

When I asked hubby 'how he is so good at that' he just laughed and said maybe its because he's been doing it longer than me! The maths stacks up, he's ten years older than I am. But he can bring a boot full of shopping in with one finger and change my headlight bulb in 30 seconds after I grudgingly admit defeat after ten minutes of struggling blind trying to do it by feel, so I guess he does have some transferrable skills too. If we were in competition I'd say I can probably do it faster but I'm not sure about better.

'Disagree on male hands though, hubby is a magician with one finger and a thumb'

Asking for a friend :-), how do you mean, thumb on g spot and finger on clit?

The other way around but yeah, that's the magic...

2 minutes if definitely too short and disappointing if you haven't already been satisfied before you get to this. As has already been said, many or most women need stimulation other than PIV to get to orgasm.

I consider myself fortunate that I can actually get to orgasm quite easily from PIV but he / we still make sure I have cum once or twice at least before he gets in me. He loves doing this to me and enjoys seeing me have orgams, whether he is giving me oral, I'm masturbating with my hand or one of us is using a vibrator on me.

I think many men cum too quickly for PIV to be the best way for a woman to get to orgasm so it is better to just use other methods and make sure you are satisfied. Couples can have different sex drives at different times to take care of. For us, while my husband generally tries to refrain from wanking now, I need to orgasm more often than we have sex so I'm taking care of that on my own when needed.

Thanks for your response. It of interest, why has your husband stopped masturbating?

We do something similar but with a tongue instead of the thumb.

So I'm not missing out then 😀