Husband won't go down on me

[bumblebee1821]

We've been together 21 years. Have a great sex life. Both in late 30s. He won't go down on me. He hasn't said it in those words but he doesn't do it. In 21 years maybe he's done it 3 times? Did he just hate it? Is he scared of failure? We've kind of talked about it but he doesn't really say much

1. Do you go down on him?
2. Do you orgasm from intercourse?

Wow, i can’t give any advice really because i fail to understand why any man wouldn’t want to eat out, unless it stinks of course 😆 just jump on him 69 style and see what happens.

If he is not going down on you, you are not having a great sex life. Plus you wouldn’t be raising it on this board now.

You say that you have kind of talked about it? What exactly happened?

How were things before you were married?

l for one would not marry someone who would not go down on me.

No harm in asking him to suck on your clit.

They would have probably been in their late teens when they got together. Oral sex would probably not have featured in their topics to discuss. And in any case, people's preferences, interests, and fantasies change with age.

I think if you have not managed to have a conversation about this in 21 years then it is difficult for anyone to suggest anything really. Did you enjoy when he did it? Does he know that? Perhaps telling him how much pleasure you got will give him more confidence. You could play sexy games and incorporate oral in that. However, if its not something he likes to do, there is nothing much you can do about it.

Gets said on here a lot but if you’re willing to get naked with someone and exchange body fluids then you need to be able to talk about it.

Ask him he can tell you you can then either make changes to accommodate him or understand where you are and what you do about it.

Could be really simple likes he’d like a few less pubes and didn’t want to say. Could be he’s had a traumatic experience and needs to talk it though. You really haven’t got a to loose as even a hard no is better than wondering x

Surely you need to talk about this. Do you enjoy it ? Surely you need this kind of stimulation sometimes. Do you go down on him ever ? Some couples don't indulge but if your missing out then you really need to speak about it x

If he doesn’t like it, then no point in trying to force it. Some women don’t like giving BJs, some men don’t like going down on a female.

Sex, in all its forms, should be enjoyable. 👍

l for one would not marry someone who would not go down on me.

whilst that’s your valid opinion of course - it does help the OP much does it 🤷

If he is not prepared to discuss then you are a bit stuck really- you could suggest that oral goes both ways- but don’t withdraw sex entirely or end up in a stand off

Valid point. But to provide context, that was a closing comment and l did ask 2 other questions, the answers to those may get me to formulate a further reply.

The OP didn’t mention marriage, but says both late30s , together 21 years- so must have been little more than 17 or 18 when met

my he just doesn’t like going down, maybe he doesn’t like the taste or smell or sensation of it - who knows
but it’s not right to force someone to perform a sex act they clearly don’t want to, even men

Of course it’s not right to force anyone to do anything, l didn’t suggest otherwise. But the issue is that the OP has ended up with someone she is not sexually compatible with. Her needs and expectations are not being met by this individual.

Things are so bad she is posting on a public forum about it.

Things are so bad she is posting on a public forum about it.
^^
Again, and without trying to be rude- you are projecting your own negative opinions here, the OP opens with

Have a great sex life.

and ends with

Did he just hate it? Is he scared of failure? We've kind of talked about it but he doesn't really say much

He probably didn’t like it much, maybe there was blood or discharge or a taste he didn’t like, only he will know 🤷

@AtBeaverGoat lt might be more helpful to come up with something constructive to help the OP, rather than pick on individual posters trying to help.

I am 🤷 - unlike you who are simply criticising and not being supportive

He probably didn’t like it much, maybe there was blood or discharge or a taste he didn’t like

Maybe he just doesn’t like going down, maybe he doesn’t like the taste or smell or sensation of it

I suggest he gets his olfactory system checked. DATY was the best thing.

When I first met my DH he went down on me occasionally and then it just frittered away to nothing for a couple of years. I didn’t mention it because a) I felt like if he wanted to, he would and b) I found it embarrassing that he potentially didn’t like my body. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it unless he actually wanted to do it.

We were on holiday last year and had a few drinks and lo and behold, he went down on me. Afterwards, I asked him why he had done that when he hadn’t for so long. He basically said that he wasn’t very confident in that department and because I’d never mentioned it, he thought I wasn’t bothered about it. He does it every time now (thank god!)

Maybe buy some sex dice or something as a silly little game and see how he responds if it instructs him to get down there!

l consider l was being supportive of the OP in what is very much a man’s world.

ln looking at your posting history, it appears to me that you trawl through MN with the objective of challenging responses from others.

difficult situation which can likely only be resolved with an open, honest and vulnerable conversation in a safe space.

I have friends who hate giving BJ and reserve them for birthdays and special occasions and some who won’t do them at all. I also have a friend where both parties don’t get involved in oral. It’s so very personal and difficult if it’s important to one and not the other.

starting a conversation about what he likes and heading down that road, so it opens up a reciprocal question could be one way.

the fact he’s done it a few times could be a confidence thing. I am interested to know if you give it to him (although it doesn’t matter).

i feel for you OP. Sitting on my H face is one of my favourite things to do 😜

Gosh your missing out it’s so intimate someone wanting to lick you in your most private place. I agree with pp- 69 see what happens.

I was with someone who didn’t like doing it so I went 4 years without. He got a bj every time we had sex and I got some awful fingering.
It was honestly one of the main reasons we broke up.

I certainly challenge those who are giving poor or meaningless advice 🤷🏻

@AtBeaverGoat - Judge and jury that only your way is the right way?