Thinking about fetishes and domination.

[CobhamMummy2008and2012]

Correct me if I am wrong ladies, But would you say porn has rotted men's brains to the point where they think feet are attractive? I saw a post earlier about a man asking his wife to dominate him, and she came on here asking for suggestions. Call me a prude or old fashioned but I think porn has changed how men view sex. Why would you want to be dominated? It sounds very violent. Very aggressive. Why would a woman want to be aggressive? Especially to a man? He could react badly to whatever she decides is dominant and hurt her? just my two pence worth.

i think individuals will have their own level of what domination is, I don’t think it’s necessarily aggressive! To dominate could simply be the one leading and taking control of the sex! On the other hand if it is more than that & as long as everyone’s in agreement then who has the right to question what gets people off? 🤷‍♂️

Right and I see your point however don't you agree that it didn't really exist before internet porn took off? I think porn ruined young men's minds and made them think a whip is sexual

Yeah probably, but I would say it’s not limited to men! There’s a lot of women who are just as much into fetishes etc

It has existed for a very long time, but now it's much more in the open and I think more people are wanting to experience it a little.

Its wrong, but that's my opinion.

My former partner had a great-grandfather who died in the late 1960s
When he died and his grandkids were going through his belongings, there were multiple photographs of women kitted up in leather corsets and holding riding crops with dedications "To my dear Jimmy" (his name).
So yes, this very much was a thing before online porn.

"While the term "BDSM" is relatively modern, the practices it encompasses have deep historical roots. Writings and art from ancient civilizations, including Greece, Rome, and Japan, depict scenes of bondage, flogging, and power dynamics in both sexual and non-sexual contexts."

e.g. from here https://in.yvex.de/learn/is-bdsm-a-modern-practice-or-does-it-have-historical-roots/

would you say porn has rotted men's brains to the point where they think feet are attractive?

Well, I'm a man who likes feet. Definitely nothing to do with porn. I enjoyed looking at female feet even when I was a kid, long before I had any inkling of sex or porn. I have no idea why I'm wired to find them attractive.

As an adult I've pretty much kept it to myself as there's enough of a narrative that women think men who like feet are weird and I'm quite shy and easily embarrassed, though, I did have one girlfriend in my teens who, without any prompting, wanted me to suck her toes, which was like winning the lottery!

I do think there's something of a chicken and egg question where porn's involvement is concerned. Do men develop "weird" tastes because they see it when watching porn or is that stuff included in porn to cater to "weird" tases that men already have?

You should be embarrassed about the feet thing in all fairness. Not many women like it.
And I think its both. I think men use porn to get off on perverted things and then porn is created to keep feeding those sad men.

In The Victorians by A N Wilson there is a description of what Rev Charles Kingsley (vicar and author of The Water Babies) and his wife Frances Kingsley got up to: BDSM practices, but thought up all by themselves.

People have always wanted to play around with sex and intimacy, make it into games and bring in unusual things that delight each other. There's nothing at all morally wrong with that. People can very creative about sex, as with all other things.

I'd say that sexual openness has made these things more known about and normal, rather than porn (though I also think porn will be a feature in any society that is able to discuss sex.)

I prefer a nice bum myself (and cannot lie) but hey, each to their own.

I think you should be embarrassed about your prejudice. And do you have any statistical data on how many women do or don't like it? Are you a researcher in the field? Or are you basing it on "evidence of one" i.e. yourself. In which case you are free to like or dislike whatever you want and have sex with people who have similar preferences. But that doesn't mean that everyone is required to like exactly the same thing you do.

I had handcuffs and a whip - Ann Summers perhaps? in my 20's and I'm 50 now. It was just a bit of silly fun. Dominated often just means told what to do IMO. Now if you're talking choking that is definitely a more recent porn thing.

Fetishes, porn and misogyny can be represented on the same Venn diagram but, as any social scientist will tell you, causation is not the same as correlation.
I would say there are probably more women who are into subbing than men, but I doubt those who stand against porn would jump to the conclusion that that those women's proclivities are down to porn. And there are plenty of women who actively like porn, so would it be justified in saying those women's brains have been equally rotted by porn?

Yes, I would say their brains have been rotted by porn too. Just not in the same way. A woman's brain cannot act like a male brain. Usually a woman is made to feel like she HAS to comply with sick fetishes such as feet. being dominated, because if she doesn't, the man may get angry, Like a petulant child.

I'm proud to say I don't subscribe to your ideas about female agency or what differentiates the psycologies of men and women. And I'm equally proud to say I would never describe someone as sick because they are aroused by something other gendered anatomy.

When I was a teenager/young adult, there was no such thing as "foot fetishes" it was abnormal. I was raised by a Second Wave Rad Feminist and I wouldn't be seen dead letting a man touch my feet. Its not a sexual thing, Its a perversion. Caused by porn.

Interesting what you say about foot fetishes. I live in Germany, in my nearest city there is a sex products factory, I visited their shop one day. I'm pretty open minded but the one thing in there that made me go 'WTF'? Was a pair of silicone feet, looked just like real feet, obviously aimed at foot fetishists.

I can promise you there were such things as foot fetishes and countless other proclivities you would doubtless judge as perverse, long before your 2nd wave red feminist's mother's mother was even a lascivious twinkle in someone's eye.

So what's permissible under the second wave feminism? Missionary with lights off?
So much for liberation of women...

Liberation for women is great.
Using it to justify perversions and violence against women is NOT.

This doesn't answer my question. I need a list of acceptable forms of sex.

I'm as confused as @Catza. Are we talking about perversions AND violence? Does that mean non violent perversions ok?

Well doesn't involve licking smelly feet or whipping your partner with a cat of nine tails!
And any perversion is not ok but violent ones affect us more.

Is it ok to have chocolate licked off my feet if there isn't a flogger involved? Is that perverted?