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Original poster

Embarrassing sex stories

26 replies

givingupchocolatemonday · 01/02/2023 18:29

I'm still not over a very unfortunate event from the weekend which involved a very large bush, unexpected Aunt Flo, unprepared house mess (think toilet stains and worse)
I was caught on a bad weekend, it's not me and safe to say I probably won't see him again. I'm mortified every time I have flashbacks.
Can anyone please make me feel better and share some cringe sex moments?!?!

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 01/02/2023 18:31

Yes, let's all share these stories for you. I'm sure you'll really enjoy them.

BarryK3nt · 01/02/2023 18:31

No thank you

Neededanewuserhandle · 01/02/2023 18:32

Can anyone please make me feel better and share some cringe sex moments?!?!
No.

ShowOfHands · 01/02/2023 18:32

Well, I was dressed as Bono and had an enormous, purple...

Actually, I need to stir dinner so I shan't bother after all.

ThreeblackCats · 01/02/2023 18:33

Yeah! Sure this happened!
what newspapers do you write for? Or are you just a pervert who likes to hear dirty knickers stories?

ReneBumsWombats · 01/02/2023 18:33

Has anyone got a good recipe for home made bean burgers?

catandcoffee · 01/02/2023 18:33

Nope

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 01/02/2023 18:34

Hi all

We understand your concerns but OP has been around for a little while.
We'll move this over to the sex topic now.

ReneBumsWombats · 01/02/2023 18:35

OP has been around for a little while.

I bet!

Original poster
givingupchocolatemonday · 01/02/2023 18:37

This is a real post! I just wanted someone to share their misfortune to make myself feel better as I can't stop reliving the night

OP posts:
Idrinklotsofcoffee · 01/02/2023 18:39

I went home with a guy once. Things happened quickly when we got to his flat and we never turned the lights on. Everything went really well but when he turned the lights on I’d started my period. Blood on the white walls, cream carpets, doors, walls, face, body, handprints. It was like a scene from Carrie. He’d just moved in so everything was brand new and as he was a clueless newly moved in man he had ZERO cleaning products for me or the flat.

Safe to say this story haunts me and still makes me shudder many years on.

The worst part is I had to get a bus home after this as I was in central London and it was the quickest way but definitely not the most forgiving.

Palmfrond · 01/02/2023 18:40

I once shat myself during sex. Tbf I had bad squits at the time, and it was more of a shart.
True story & you’re welcome.

Original poster
givingupchocolatemonday · 01/02/2023 18:44

Palmfrond · 01/02/2023 18:40

I once shat myself during sex. Tbf I had bad squits at the time, and it was more of a shart.
True story & you’re welcome.

Oh no!!! However this is exactly what I needed to hear Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
givingupchocolatemonday · 01/02/2023 18:46

Idrinklotsofcoffee · 01/02/2023 18:39

I went home with a guy once. Things happened quickly when we got to his flat and we never turned the lights on. Everything went really well but when he turned the lights on I’d started my period. Blood on the white walls, cream carpets, doors, walls, face, body, handprints. It was like a scene from Carrie. He’d just moved in so everything was brand new and as he was a clueless newly moved in man he had ZERO cleaning products for me or the flat.

Safe to say this story haunts me and still makes me shudder many years on.

The worst part is I had to get a bus home after this as I was in central London and it was the quickest way but definitely not the most forgiving.

Similar to my weekend!! Did you hear from him afterwards?

OP posts:
Idrinklotsofcoffee · 01/02/2023 18:48

I did, he was very kind and understanding. He unfortunately emigrated quite soon after (trauma maybe? Ha). He wasn’t as fazed as I was though.

Isitsixoclockalready · 01/02/2023 19:49

There are some really funny ones that were put in a thread on this page once. Not sexual per se, just funny experiences.

JulieS1 · 02/02/2023 01:06

I once wet myself during sex (yes was pee). I didn't realise until he pointed it out to me... 😬too much wine!

Rieslinger · 02/02/2023 12:30

I would so love to add to this thread, nothing from me tho 🙁 but please everyone keep going!!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 02/02/2023 13:28

A post doggy style fanny fart when ex was on a call with his boss

Iloveabaconbutty · 02/02/2023 15:00

Staying with my brother and his wife overnight a few years ago whilst attending a friend's wedding nearby. A made up bed was prepared for us downstairs in the living room. We got back very late and everyone else was asleep in bed.

We had really enjoyed the wedding do which included downing several glasses of champagne. We slipped under the sheets and before we knew it rumpy-pumpy (to use Blackadder terminology) was well under way.

We used a condom as we were guests in someone else's house and, proceedings having been completed, I laid it carefully on the wooden floor next to my pillow so I'd know exactly where it was first thing when I awoke, so I could dispose of it.

When we woke up the following morning I found my sister in law had kindly brought us mugs of tea. Mine had been placed next to the used, carefully knotted condom....

No one mentioned a thing but it was excrutiatingly embarrassing.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 02/02/2023 17:29

ReneBumsWombats · 01/02/2023 18:33

Has anyone got a good recipe for home made bean burgers?

🤣🤣🤣

CuriousD · 03/02/2023 12:56

"And this one time, at Band Camp, I did xxx"

  • Michelle from American Pie
Rieslinger · 03/02/2023 14:01

@Iloveabaconbutty oh that's a good one, if definitely excruciating, I feel quite skin crawly on your behalf having to meet the eyes of your family when you surfaced later!

Btw bean burgers just give me gale force wind, I love them just not particularly nice for anyone else around me.

Hellyeahbaby · 07/02/2023 11:55

With my now husband, we had just started dating, about 4 weeks in, had only had sex once before, I had young kids so was hard to find time to do the deed.
So anyways, had a rare night away from kids, went out for meal, so much sexual tension, we got back to mine, was almost frantic as going in front door, didn't turn lights on, ended up on lounge floor, he went down on me, after I came he took my hand and said let's go upstairs, I flicked the lights on and there he stood before me with blood all round he mouth, i was horrified, he was just grinning, he was pretty horrified when he realised.
Thankfully we laugh about now, haha

Teesstar · 02/03/2023 20:43

First time I had sex with my new partner, very nervous, hadn’t had period in like 6 months as on implant, we finish and it was an absolute blood bath! He was totally lovely about it, whilst I hid under the covers! Think he’s a keeper!

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