He never comes inside me

[RadtoShayer]

My DP never comes inside me. He always pulls out and wants to ejaculate into my mouth.

Whilst I mostly don't mind this, for me, sex is about feeling close to someone and it doesn't really feel like I'm close to him when he is pulling out hurriedly and trying to change position in order to come in my mouth.

I've spoken to him about this and asked if sometimes we could have more romantic sex. It hasn't happened. In over four years he has probably came inside me five or six times. The rest is in my mouth.

I'm really starting to get fed up of this. I've asked him and he says he isn't uncomfortable about pregnancy, it is just something he has always done and he enjoys the visual aspect of it. When I raise it with him he says he will finish anywhere I want but then just goes and does his usual. He has actually physically pushed me off him in the past in order to get to my mouth.

Does anyone have any tips as to how I can approach this again. Obviously I don't want to make him uncomfortable but he says he isn't so I can only assume it is habit. I just feel a bit used by it all, like I'm not really taking part in it.

How did it go OP? Did he listen to you?

Wow - I love a bit of CIM, but everytime?

Sounds like a horrible guy to me.

No, it didn't go well at all. He had a massive go at me about other things.

When he got back he was giving me the silent treatment, as he said he wanted to go to the gym and I had asked him if he could perhaps go another day, as I wanted to spend some time together and we needed to talk.

When he got back from the gym he wasn't speaking to me but denied that he was in a mood. Apparenrly, I was annoyed about him going to the gym and have no business being annoyed, as he doesn't get annoyed when I go somewhere.

The funny thing was, in the next breath (because I also went to my (different) gym because I thought I may as well get some exercise in) he accused me of being petty because I got back after him. Apparently, I deliberately took my time to teach him a lesson. I did a 30 minute gym session! It's hardly excessive.

Also, I wasn't annoyed, I just asked why he couldn't go another time over the weekend given that we hadn't seen each other in days and we had things we needed to do. I felt his reaction was disproportionate.

He then had a proper go at me basically telling me that he is sick of me berating him about lots of things. I told him that I felt he was controlling. I actually stood up to him for the first time ever, pointing out the inconsistencies in what he was saying - effectively 'do as I do not as I say'.

It's not looking good for me. He was totally out of line last night and at one point I felt a bit scared of him. He doesn't shout, but he can be a bit menacing.

Anyway, I'm sorry for this page of nonsense that I've just posted. I just need to get those thoughts out. I can see it's not about him coming in my mouth. It's a bit of a bigger picture.

I'm at my Mum's house in my old bedroom and am going to take some time away from him to think. She hates him so will be glad to help me.

Thanks for everyone's advice.

Oh hon you deserve so much better. It isnt going to change i am sorry to say. Stay at your mums and move on is my advice. Sending a hug of support. Sorry for your heartache. X

P s mums are often right and can see things more clearly than we can in the midst of it !

Well done for standing up to him and taking control. It's always darkest before the dawn.

I just think there's probably someone nicer out there, and anyway being single would be preferable to being with this controlling, menacing (shudder!), bully. Take a deep breath and dump his ass.

Well done for finally standing up for yourself! No matter what he says he will never change. Make the necessary arrangements to leave him knowing you've got the love and support you should have gotten all along at your Mum's. Most men are better than this!

Well done OP.

i read the first couple of pages of your thread and was horrified. Think he's shown his true colours now! Good luck in moving on.

Have been following this thread, although not been moved to comment until now. OP, I think you will find his façade will quickly start crumbling away now that you are making moves towards challenging and addressing this one-sided relationship. Like others, I have been shocked by his frankly predatory approach, capitalising on your (I mean this kindly) naivety to dictate his agenda. The CIM stuff has been about dehumanising you, separating emotion from function. It is not something you do to someone that you have a caring attachment to, unless you know priorly that they derive enjoyment from it too. It sounds like he has never even bothered to check this with you, probably largely because your sentiments and desires are inconsequential to him, or at the very least in a firm secondary position.

Now that his actions are being called out, and he senses a threat towards his dominance in the relationship, his responses to you are rapidly descending into the thinly-veiled contempt and anger that spawned the original behaviour that concerned you. It may be difficult to hear, but this person does not really care about you except in your capacity to allow him to do as he wishes without questioning. And for what it's worth, I am also a guy myself but have still been fairly horrified by what I've read. Please consider getting out from under this domineering setup; you sound like you have so much more to offer to someone willing to treat you as an equal. Best wishes.

Good for you OP. Do not even consider going back to him. 💐

This is not typical of a normal sex life in a good, respectful relationship.

I was going to ask if, when you spoke to him on the phone, did he seem even the slightest bit sad that he had been making you do something that you weren't enjoying? Or was it all about him?

Then I read your update

Why doesn't your mum like him? I think she might be a very good judge of character.

I agree 100% that mums often see straight through people do listen to your mum!
He sounds like a complete arse.
Would you make him drink your bodily fluids against his will?
How would he feel about that.
I'd have a break from him, you can do so much better than this.
If he pulls the'all my previous girlfriends have been fine with it,' crap tell him to fuck off back to them then.

I don't see any point in even talking to this guy, there are so many red flags on this relationship you could hang them up as bunting. Regardless of what he likes in bed and why, the fact that he seems to be unwilling to come anywhere but in your mouth/on you as he's reaching for your mouth suggests this isn't just a preference (even an unconsidered/selfish one). I mean, we all have preferences in bed but we don't necessarily repeat them every single time for years and years on end - else boredom sets in. If he isn't bored by the repetition, then he surely has some deep rooted psychological reasons for needing to finish the way he does, and those issues probably centre around power/debasement as others have said.

If thats true then what good is talking going to do? Even if he said he would come elsewhere 50% of the time as a compromise, that means you having to agree to let him debase you (if that's what he's doing) half the time. It shouldn't happen again, ever. Not once. That's why talking is fruitless, because he has deep rooted issues that he won't even discuss maturely on a superficial level, let alone reflectively and critically. You cannot compromise your way through this, nor fix him.

This relationship is really abnormal, and you deserve far better.

Please, please listen to what your gut is screaming at you.

He sulks.
He gives you the silent treatment.
He likes to control what you wear.
He likes to control where you go and for how long.
He likes to control your sex life.
He likes to have sex in a way he knows you don’t.
He scared you yesterday.
Your family don’t like him.

This is a man you need to get away from.

When I was 14-20 I was in a relationship with someone who was all the above. Not overtly, obviously abusive, but he definitely was. I know you’re a lot older than that but given this is your first relationship it’s probably quite relevant?

I honestly thank my lucky stars that I got away from my first boyfriend. Sometimes I read threads on here and I recognise that would have been my life if I had have stayed with him. I find that a very scary thought. I feel you’re in that place at the moment that I was when I was 20 - please leave him. It will only get worse from here.

From someone who escaped a controlling abusive man, DO NOT GO BACK THERE!!! They never change you deserve better and I don't mean a better man I mean a better you.

If you are having a wobble come back and re read your thread just to remind yourself how truly awful he is.

Thanks everyone. I haven't heard from him. He normally gives me the silent treatment forms few days until I crack when we argue. This time I feel different though.

My Mum has always disliked him. She has always said that he will kill me if I stay with him. I just thought she was threatened by my relationship and didn't take that much notice. I wish I'd listened because I'm such a different person now than I was four years ago. Not for the better either.

Collect your stuff when he’s out and cut off contact. He is not a nice man.

My relationship was 5 years and I'm nearly 6 years separated and I still get days of feeling low and angry at myself for being so blind. It does change you but you will feel more like yourself eventually maybe less trusting and less likely to put up with shit.

Let him stew forever bloody arsehole, no man that objectifies there partner let alone the rest of the shit he put you through deserves you to go back to them to even try and talk over separation. You need to just walk away don't try and look for answers he won't give you any.

Bizarrely enough it took a very similar statement but from an old friend to give my head a wobble, they do slowly kill you. You will get there, I'm not sure what support is out there as I stupidly never sought any but hopefully others will come in and point you in the right direction if you need it.

good grief... I'm glad you've left

I can’t believe what I’m reading. I thought this was a thread about the OPs partner not wanting to come inside her and just coming outside her seconds later. Not throwing her around the place trying to get to her mouth. It just sounds like sexual assault or abuse. It really does. It doesn’t sound like he has ANY redeeming features.

I’m sorry, OP, this just isn’t normal. Any of it. I’m glad you’re realising that it isn’t and that you’re listening to your mum. Stay strong and get away from the controlling deviant bastard.

Block and delete his number. You are well rid of this massive arsehole.

I’m sorry, OP, this just isn’t normal. Any of it. I’m glad you’re realising that it isn’t and that you’re listening to your mum. Stay strong and get away from the controlling deviant bastard.

Absolutely this. Please end it.