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Original poster

He never comes inside me

216 replies

RadtoShayer · 20/11/2017 08:37

My DP never comes inside me. He always pulls out and wants to ejaculate into my mouth.

Whilst I mostly don't mind this, for me, sex is about feeling close to someone and it doesn't really feel like I'm close to him when he is pulling out hurriedly and trying to change position in order to come in my mouth.

I've spoken to him about this and asked if sometimes we could have more romantic sex. It hasn't happened. In over four years he has probably came inside me five or six times. The rest is in my mouth.

I'm really starting to get fed up of this. I've asked him and he says he isn't uncomfortable about pregnancy, it is just something he has always done and he enjoys the visual aspect of it. When I raise it with him he says he will finish anywhere I want but then just goes and does his usual. He has actually physically pushed me off him in the past in order to get to my mouth.

Does anyone have any tips as to how I can approach this again. Obviously I don't want to make him uncomfortable but he says he isn't so I can only assume it is habit. I just feel a bit used by it all, like I'm not really taking part in it.

OP posts:
AfunaMbatata · 22/11/2017 20:27

I do hope you actually realise that this man does not love you at all. If he did he would not do this to you despite your protests.

Leave himFlowers

Insomnibrat · 22/11/2017 20:39

Stop facilitating this fucking creep!!!!

GetMeOutOfHerePlease · 22/11/2017 21:35

I just think he'd be so disappointed if I said I didn't like it.

A respectful partner would be absolutely horrified that their behaviour had made their partner feel like they had to do something sexual they didn’t like or want to.

You say you don’t like confrontation? It’s worrying that you saying no to sexual acts you don’t want to do would be a cause for confrontation. A loving and respectful partner won’t be confrontational about your bodily autonomy.

Sounds like he’s using the fact it’s your first sexual partner as a way to control you too instead of wanting to discover what you enjoy and trying different things with you. Instead he’s just expecting you to open your mouth every time and making out like there’s something wrong with you by saying —lying— that his exes didn’t mind. Even if his last ten sexual partners didn’t mind, you do, and it’s your enthusiastic consent that matters.

A man who gets confrontational at a woman for saying she doesn’t like, who manipulates consent by being huffy, hostile, sulky, etc and wants to continue doing something to his partner when he has been asked not to is an abusive cunt.

Him ‘not taking it too well’ and telling you he will just ejaculate into your anus instead shows him for the twat he is. He thinks you should STFU and open your mouth because that’s what he wants, and what he wants is all that matters. Do you have any female friends or family you could talk to about this?

Seriously, I know this overused in here but LTB and run for the hills. This isn’t a healthy sexual relationship and it won’t be surprising to find he tries to control you in other ways.

whirlygirly · 22/11/2017 22:26

I've been on here years but this gives me the absolute shudders. He has issues that I think you should run a mile from.

This is so far from my normality I can't even imagine how you've put up with this for so long. Something like this is only ever ok if both partners are ok with it. Once one person isn't and makes it clear, it's plain abuse.

BackToTheCaveman · 23/11/2017 06:27

Just a thought Op, does he make prefer you to dress a certain way when you go out?

VanGoghsLeftEar · 23/11/2017 06:46

I just want to echo what other posters have said.

If he isn't interested in keeping you happy, LTB.

My husband has his preferences, but he'd never force me to take it in the mouth 99% of the time, that's selfish and dominant behaviour. He would ask you what YOU wanted.

Tell him to fuck off, fuck off a bit further, then further still.

Original poster
RadtoShayer · 23/11/2017 06:56

BackToTheCaveman - yes he also gets a bit huffy if I wear jeans as opposed to skirts. You seem to recognise a lot of his behaviour. Do you think it's normal?

I'm increasingly coming to the view that it is not and that it needs to change.

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 23/11/2017 06:58

differentnameforthis...are you a man? None of us really know what is all behind this and only the OP can really drill down and find out if she has the courage and will to do so. Erm...what? Will to do what? I haven't asked anything of the op, if you care to read back through my posts.

Other than that, no, I am not a man.

Blondielongie · 23/11/2017 07:13

I remember a similar post/situation a while back. Listen to the people OP, it's not normal. He is taking advantage of you because you don't know what's normal.

When you leave him and find someone who treats you with respect and cared about you, you'll look back at this creep and realise what a twat he was.

Also, I don't know if he has already, but don't let him take photos of you when you are having sex/naked.

He will show his friends.

WineGummyBear · 23/11/2017 07:13

OP I'm really sorry that your first sexual experiences have been with this man.

Sex should be mutually enjoyable and consensual all the time. When this is the case both partners will of course consider trying something the other has expressed an interest in. But in a good partnership if someone expresses that something is unpleasant for them (or they don't fancy trying it) then it's immediately off the table. Sulking/joking is the opposite of this. It's manipulative coersion.

wtffgs · 23/11/2017 07:17

- yes he also gets a bit huffy if I wear jeans as opposed to skirts.

Jesus wept!

He is a prize knob, isn't he?!

Please, please get away from him. He will not magically improve, only get worse.

Quartz2208 · 23/11/2017 07:21

Normal relationships should be based on mutual agreement and recognition - he in effect is trying to force you to be submissive and control you by making you subhuman (not submissive)

And I suspect his exes were not on board (ex from a reason)

Ropsleybunny · 23/11/2017 07:25

OP your partner’s behaviour is not normal. 💐

Original poster
RadtoShayer · 23/11/2017 07:28

He does have photos of me already. He has promised they are just for him and I don't think he would show anyone else. He isn't like that. He might be a lot of things but I do think he would respect that.

I'm being used as a real life porn doll aren't I?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 23/11/2017 07:30

He might like it but you have every right to insist that what YOU like is given equal consideration.

Skittlesandbeer · 23/11/2017 07:33

What if you told him that he is single-handedly turning you off ‘his favourite thing’?

And that besides this, if he keeps deprioritising you and the promises he’s made to do other things for variety, he’ll soon become very much more conversant with the term ‘single-handedly’.

Kr1st1na · 23/11/2017 07:51

Are you happy for him to have photos of you ? Do you 100% Trust him never to show them to anyone else and to delete them any time you ask ?

He sounds like a bit of a shit TBH.

l I don’t like sexual activity A so please stop doing it all the time.

But I really like activity A and want to do it even if you don’t and I’ll sulk if you don’t agree. And then do sexual activity B which you will like even less and even injure you . So shut up already with your opinions about what happens to your own body .

Lovely

Ijustlovefood · 23/11/2017 07:52

I know you won't see it now because you are probably in love with him but please know that you deserve better. I don't think he will change. It doesn't sound like a loving relationship (on his part anyway) I'm sorry.

Original poster
RadtoShayer · 23/11/2017 08:36

Can anyone link to the similar recent thread that PPs have mentioned? I've done a search but can't find it.

I don't really have anyone that I can talk to about this in real life. I know that's a bit pathetic but I've just drifted away from my friends since I started work and the friends I've got now are more superficial in terms of our relationship - I couldn't talk to them about this issue.

Hopefully he will listen to me tomorrow and we can move forward. I'm starting to have my doubts though. His reaction yesterday on the phone has annoyed me. He's not taking my concerns seriously. I told him I deserved equal consideration and he just made a stupid joke about my ass.

OP posts:
ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 23/11/2017 09:29

His ‘joke’ about ejaculating anally because you’ve said no to the mouth tells you everything you need to know about him. You’re a receptacle, I’m afraid. That’s really the bottom line of it.

What happens if you don’t fancy sex one night? I’m guessing he sulks/pesters?

Quartz2208 · 23/11/2017 09:32

Is work the reason you have drifted away from your friends or is he?

MiniTheMinx · 23/11/2017 09:45

This reminds me of Norman Mailer's 'American Dream' where the central character murders his wife and then anally rapes the maid. The narrative of Rojack goes like this "I'll rape her arse and plant my seed in there, this woman is unworthy of me, I will deny her the right to have my seed in her womb. She is dirty and deserves debasement" he does so immediately after murdering his wife.

It's a theme picked up in porn.

You are unworthy, unclean, and as such be denied basic respect or trust. He will ejaculate anywhere other than where he should. Not only that but it's symbolic also that is must also be into somewhere that it shouldn't be. So, I'm not surprised that your DP's compromise is your arse. He is unlikely to suggest 'wasting' what is precious to him by ejaculating in a way that symbolically suggests his cum doesn't represent a way of demeaning you.

It's ok, if this sort of sex is your thing, even if you understand the culture of porn, and the psychology of men around sex, if it's good, carry on.

If not, don't. Go find someone who in their most intimate moments with you, on a deeper psychological level respects and valued you.

Munchyseeds · 23/11/2017 09:49

Really, really think you are wasting your time trying to talk to him....he will NOT change, it WILL get worse and is NOT how most of us behave in a loving relationship.

I would be really worried about the fact he has photos of you...he is not a nice guy

ShotsFired · 23/11/2017 10:05

OP can you get hold of those pictures? Whether hard copy or soft, you need to find them and destroy them.

Do they have your face/identifiable tattoos/birthmarks etc in them?

You need to start planning an exit that leaves him with no revenge opportunity.

Gemini69 · 23/11/2017 10:18

I feel sick for you Lady... just reading this made me feel like your trapped in your own kind of hell with this man.. please see this relationship for what it is.... controlling Flowers

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