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Original poster

He never comes inside me

216 replies

RadtoShayer · 20/11/2017 08:37

My DP never comes inside me. He always pulls out and wants to ejaculate into my mouth.

Whilst I mostly don't mind this, for me, sex is about feeling close to someone and it doesn't really feel like I'm close to him when he is pulling out hurriedly and trying to change position in order to come in my mouth.

I've spoken to him about this and asked if sometimes we could have more romantic sex. It hasn't happened. In over four years he has probably came inside me five or six times. The rest is in my mouth.

I'm really starting to get fed up of this. I've asked him and he says he isn't uncomfortable about pregnancy, it is just something he has always done and he enjoys the visual aspect of it. When I raise it with him he says he will finish anywhere I want but then just goes and does his usual. He has actually physically pushed me off him in the past in order to get to my mouth.

Does anyone have any tips as to how I can approach this again. Obviously I don't want to make him uncomfortable but he says he isn't so I can only assume it is habit. I just feel a bit used by it all, like I'm not really taking part in it.

OP posts:
Naughty1205 · 23/11/2017 10:28

You're going to have to get more assertive op. I don't think there's a way forward with this relationship. It is not what a normal relationship should be. He sounds like an absolute horrible man with zero respect for you. Please find some courage and dump his disgusting ass.

Ijustlovefood · 23/11/2017 12:52

Be brave. Tell him where to stick it! Preferably up his own arse!

Bicarb · 23/11/2017 13:53

He really is starting to tick off all the boxes on abusive boyfriend bingo, isn't he?

Eleanorsummer · 23/11/2017 14:06

He is repulsive. Please find someone who respects you.

Ropsleybunny · 23/11/2017 15:27

Listen to your doubts OP. Also listen to all the wise ones on here. Flowers

rizlett · 23/11/2017 15:40

Op - if you have time take a look at the womensaid website - to give you more information about what is right or not in a relationship.

Blondielongie · 23/11/2017 17:36

I can't remember,it was a while ago. But it was infuriating because she had a child with him,he kept degrading her and she wanted another child to be a family. Everyone told her to leave him. Hundreds of replies saying what a scumbag he was (he had photos, forced her to do humiliating sex acts, making her wear revealing skirts) and right at the end of the posts, she said she'd give him the benefit of doubt.

I think it was entitled 'is it normal for my bf to grope me in public' but it got very very dark. I hope that she is ok and did leave him. So grim. Don't be that girl.

Sevendown · 23/11/2017 18:24

Not saying your ages is making me think you are under 16 and he is 25+.

If so he is a dangerous sex offender and you need to report this to the police.

PitilessYank · 23/11/2017 18:34

I am as kinky as the next gal but this does sound pretty domineering and frankly gross to me as well. It is disrespectful as well.

Original poster
RadtoShayer · 23/11/2017 18:46

No honestly - I'm nowhere near 16. In fact I'm closer to 30 than 16! I was just a bit of a late starter.

I've been thinking on the drive home from work today that when I was younger and thinking about my future husband, I imagined a situation where I felt loved and cared for and my husband boosted my confidence rather than took it away.

I'm just feeling a bit down about it actually. Hopefully, I can get it sorted tomorrow.

Thanks again. I am listening to you all.

OP posts:
CaptainBrickbeard · 23/11/2017 18:54

Rad, you deserve a decent man who gives you confidence and doesn't degrade you. That man is out there, but you won't find him whilst you are having every bit of self worth crushed by this awful excuse for a partner.

A man who sulks when you voice your discomfort is not a good man. There is no chance of getting this sorted. He has told you who he is. Listen.

Confusedabouther · 23/11/2017 19:07

Your problem is his complete and utter lack of respect for you. My boyfriend likes to do similar things in bed but if I say no it never happens. He's never ever pushed my boundaries and he's never done anything I'm not happy with

I dont think he was joking about anal. You really don't have to put up with this level of disrespect

Babasaclover · 23/11/2017 19:13

A previous boyfriend used to do this for me (I was very young then and I didn’t know it wasn’t normal). It isn’t in any way normal. You deserve so much better

Gemini69 · 23/11/2017 19:19

his sexual behaviour isn't normal Lady Flowers

Original poster
RadtoShayer · 23/11/2017 20:30

I asked him tonight when he called whether, if I asked him to, he would delete the pics/videos and he said he would.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/11/2017 21:02

Well have you asked him to ...and how would you know ?

Original poster
RadtoShayer · 23/11/2017 21:04

No, I haven't asked. I'm going to wait until he gets home tomorrow and then I'm going to sit with him whilst he deletes them.

OP posts:
SummatFishyEre · 23/11/2017 21:09

What if he comes home having said he's done it already?

ShotsFired · 23/11/2017 21:35

...having already emailed them to another account (or posted them online)? For someone making veiled threats about anal when you merely questioned a faceload of spunk every time, he agreed a bit too readily...

You shot your bolt a bit early there OP. Don't be surprised when those pictures start turning up later down the line, I am sorry to say.

Voice0fReason · 23/11/2017 21:38

This sort of thing originates from porn, he would have got the idea from it at some point.
This behaviour existed long before accessible porn existed. Porn began because people (mainly men) like to watch sex. Eliminating porn won't make this desire go away.

I'm being used as a real life porn doll aren't I?
Yes, 100% and there is honestly no chance of it ever changing. Sex is all about what he wants, how he wants it when he wants it. You are irrelevant to that.
Grown men don't sulk or manipulate to get what they want.

He will have photos of previous partners as well as you.

chocdog · 23/11/2017 21:55

Your man is sulky and rude.
He has a very unsexy and tedious fixation with spunking in your mouth or all over you, which he insists on - despite the fact that you've made it clear you don't much like it.
He is now threatening you with anal.
LTB. LTB. LTB.

BonnieF · 23/11/2017 21:59

He really is a charmer isn't he?

You need to have a proper, serious talk with him. Forget about his 'feelings', he evidently doesn't give a toss about yours. If i were you, it would be a case of no more sex for him until he showed respect for you and your wishes.

BackToTheCaveman · 23/11/2017 22:12

Op, as with most things in life, it's not black and white despite what the MN collective think.

Generally we push the boundaries until we feel resistance. So far your DP seems to have felt little resistance.

I don't think your DP has done wrong, if he thinks you enjoy your sex life, or enjoy conforming to a dress code. The problem comes if you don't enjoy it, or he doesn't listen to you. Your life/sex life should be mutually enjoyable. Everything you do should be by mutual consent.

Only you can work out how much your DP respects you. But anything that is not mutually concential is not sustainable.

If you don't like it/enjoy it, and he doesn't listen to your wishes, leave without delay.

wednesdayswench · 23/11/2017 22:47

A loving relationship will have a sex life that is mutually enjoyable with a foundation in trust & respect, you are at a crossroads, he now has the opportunity to show you what his priorities are, please listen very carefully to his words and actions.

Quartz2208 · 24/11/2017 12:08

BacktotheCaveman we disagree on one vital point he does not think she enjoys it, he does not care that is the difference. He has received resistance and he has pushed past it and through it because to him her viewpoint does not matter

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