He’s my youngest and my last. I’m quite emotional about it. I’ve been a lone parent since the moment I found out I was pregnant with him and his father died 2 years ago but was never in his life.
He has autism and ADHD, and has recently started medication for the ADHD. I too am medicated for ADHD and we are both now able to get stuff done. It’s quite miraculous.
I’m a full time carer for my elderly mum and although she has carers four times a day I could easily be there most days if I’m not organised or strict about it.
Apart from autism and ADHD I have a few chronic health conditions and this time last year was completely burnt out.
I’m still struggling a lot of the time if I’m honest with myself.
I have two other dc who are also autistic and ADHD. One doesn’t live at home but has significant needs. The other is about to start a new college and will need lots of support navigating everything that involves.
To be honest I feel a bit lost at how I will fill my days. I no longer have the school run to do and as a result I’ll have 15 hours freed up each week. I know those hours will soon fill up. I’ll be at my mum’s 3 week days, possibly 4, and one weekend day when I take Ds to see her. They are very close. DD goes to see her on her own sometimes after college but sometimes comes with us on the weekends.
I want to take some time for myself. I’ve not had any for 11 years and I’m exhausted.
My plan is:
• meal plan for the 3 days a week Ds has an after school activity. It’s a start. Any more than 3 days is unrealistic at the moment.
• always have two types of homemade soup available for a quick dinner or lunch (we eat a lot of soup but everyone likes a different one 🙄. There’s always two types of soup in the freezer but I want it fresh and ready to heat up)
• start swimming weekly once the pool near us is finally finished (early 2027 hopefully)
• get back on my bike for a bike ride at least once a month (where we live is very hilly but there’s an old railway track that’s a leisure trail)
• bake bread more than once a week so the dc have bread rolls for their lunches (I currently bake it once a week)
• bake something like flapjacks or muffins for a healthier snack than shop bought
• better sleep hygiene for us all. I’ve been reading loads over the summer but the books are page turners so I’ve been reading until 1am which is not sustainable when getting up at 7am
• my house is already cleaner and tidier since the medication and the school holidays so I plan to continue to improve that
• I might restart ironing clothing!!! I find it quite therapeutic but usually can’t be bothered and shirts go under a jumper so what’s the point? But Ds won’t have a jumper now so ironing might be necessary
• there’s a potential very small job with one of my mum’s neighbours but I’m waiting to hear more about that. It might only be a couple of days a month but it’s something.
• see my troubled eldest more often now that I’ll have more time to travel to her. If she’ll engage.
• better self care-remembering to remove make up at night and apply body lotion. I’ve been applying Q10 body lotion (in the absence of another product) to my turkey neck and it’s improving. I lost over 2 stone 3 years ago and it precipitated crepey skin on my neck. No, it wasn’t via weight loss injections.
• I have wobbly and crepey-skinned upper arms since hitting 49 and they get me down so I plan on getting my weights out and toning up. The rest of me needs it too but I’m focusing on my arms to start with
• this one will take time but sorting out the loft/old things I’ve kept hold of over the years and getting rid of some of the clutter.
•I’d like a routine of an hour a day in the mornings to do some strength training, and relax with a cup of tea before starting any jobs/work; and an hour in the evening to relax and watch something with DD before bed.
I’m at my mum’s for around 4 hours when I’m there and then there’s all the admin, shopping, phone calls to support her etc when I’m not there. Plus all the running around sorting things out,taking her to appointments, and rectifying the carers’ incompetence. I’ve barely had time to eat lunch for the past year or two. In fact, most times I haven’t had time. It’s a grabbed Tunnocks caramel wafer and rush off to school. On weekends I’m usually there for around 5/6 hours doing the gardening. It’s an hour round trip on foot. I don’t drive.
So, for all I’m really sad that DS is going to high school and I’m worried about how he’ll cope after a terrible year at primary, and wondering how much support he’ll need, I’m thinking this is finally some time for me and I’m going to look after myself better instead of just looking after everyone else.
In time, when mum is no longer around, I’ll go back to work full-time, but until that sad time, I’m happy being her carer and will cross that bridge when I come to it. I actually really enjoy working for her. It’s quite dynamic and no two days are the same.
Is anyone else in a similar boat with their youngest starting high school and want to share your plans for your new free time or just how you are feeling?