My baby starts high school next week-anyone else struggling with mixed emotions and want to chat about how life will be?

[newlifeonthehorizon]

He’s my youngest and my last. I’m quite emotional about it. I’ve been a lone parent since the moment I found out I was pregnant with him and his father died 2 years ago but was never in his life.

He has autism and ADHD, and has recently started medication for the ADHD. I too am medicated for ADHD and we are both now able to get stuff done. It’s quite miraculous.

I’m a full time carer for my elderly mum and although she has carers four times a day I could easily be there most days if I’m not organised or strict about it.

Apart from autism and ADHD I have a few chronic health conditions and this time last year was completely burnt out.
I’m still struggling a lot of the time if I’m honest with myself.

I have two other dc who are also autistic and ADHD. One doesn’t live at home but has significant needs. The other is about to start a new college and will need lots of support navigating everything that involves.

To be honest I feel a bit lost at how I will fill my days. I no longer have the school run to do and as a result I’ll have 15 hours freed up each week. I know those hours will soon fill up. I’ll be at my mum’s 3 week days, possibly 4, and one weekend day when I take Ds to see her. They are very close. DD goes to see her on her own sometimes after college but sometimes comes with us on the weekends.

I want to take some time for myself. I’ve not had any for 11 years and I’m exhausted.

My plan is:

• meal plan for the 3 days a week Ds has an after school activity. It’s a start. Any more than 3 days is unrealistic at the moment.
• always have two types of homemade soup available for a quick dinner or lunch (we eat a lot of soup but everyone likes a different one 🙄. There’s always two types of soup in the freezer but I want it fresh and ready to heat up)
• start swimming weekly once the pool near us is finally finished (early 2027 hopefully)
• get back on my bike for a bike ride at least once a month (where we live is very hilly but there’s an old railway track that’s a leisure trail)
• bake bread more than once a week so the dc have bread rolls for their lunches (I currently bake it once a week)
• bake something like flapjacks or muffins for a healthier snack than shop bought
• better sleep hygiene for us all. I’ve been reading loads over the summer but the books are page turners so I’ve been reading until 1am which is not sustainable when getting up at 7am
• my house is already cleaner and tidier since the medication and the school holidays so I plan to continue to improve that
• I might restart ironing clothing!!! I find it quite therapeutic but usually can’t be bothered and shirts go under a jumper so what’s the point? But Ds won’t have a jumper now so ironing might be necessary
• there’s a potential very small job with one of my mum’s neighbours but I’m waiting to hear more about that. It might only be a couple of days a month but it’s something.
• see my troubled eldest more often now that I’ll have more time to travel to her. If she’ll engage.
• better self care-remembering to remove make up at night and apply body lotion. I’ve been applying Q10 body lotion (in the absence of another product) to my turkey neck and it’s improving. I lost over 2 stone 3 years ago and it precipitated crepey skin on my neck. No, it wasn’t via weight loss injections.
• I have wobbly and crepey-skinned upper arms since hitting 49 and they get me down so I plan on getting my weights out and toning up. The rest of me needs it too but I’m focusing on my arms to start with
• this one will take time but sorting out the loft/old things I’ve kept hold of over the years and getting rid of some of the clutter.

•I’d like a routine of an hour a day in the mornings to do some strength training, and relax with a cup of tea before starting any jobs/work; and an hour in the evening to relax and watch something with DD before bed.

I’m at my mum’s for around 4 hours when I’m there and then there’s all the admin, shopping, phone calls to support her etc when I’m not there. Plus all the running around sorting things out,taking her to appointments, and rectifying the carers’ incompetence. I’ve barely had time to eat lunch for the past year or two. In fact, most times I haven’t had time. It’s a grabbed Tunnocks caramel wafer and rush off to school. On weekends I’m usually there for around 5/6 hours doing the gardening. It’s an hour round trip on foot. I don’t drive.

So, for all I’m really sad that DS is going to high school and I’m worried about how he’ll cope after a terrible year at primary, and wondering how much support he’ll need, I’m thinking this is finally some time for me and I’m going to look after myself better instead of just looking after everyone else.

In time, when mum is no longer around, I’ll go back to work full-time, but until that sad time, I’m happy being her carer and will cross that bridge when I come to it. I actually really enjoy working for her. It’s quite dynamic and no two days are the same.

Is anyone else in a similar boat with their youngest starting high school and want to share your plans for your new free time or just how you are feeling?

Just me then 😁

Bumping for you @newlifeonthehorizon

Could you look at a job with more hours OP. When DC went to secondary it was some of the best years. Enjoy it as it goes very quickly. Now staring down the barrel of last school year!!

I already do 35 hours for my mum and it can be unpredictable at times. Some weeks less, some weeks more. Between my mum and 3 children with additional needs I’m not sure I could commit to anything else and I really need some time for myself.

I am not worried about filling my days as I work 37 hours a week. MY DS is starting at an independent secondary that runs 8.30am - 5pm. I'm hoping he learns to get his homework done in good time so that he can still do scouts on a Thursday evening which starts at 7pm. I'd love some time for myself but I am too busy!

I won’t have any new free time as I’ll still be working - I do 30 hours a week over five days. DD was already walking to school by herself, so I wasn’t doing the school run anyway. I suppose I might have a bit of time between finishing work and DD getting home, as her secondary is further away that her primary school!

My main concern is how she will cope. She is shy and quiet, and she’s going from a small primary (about 200 kids) to a secondary school with about 1,000 kids. She is very anxious about it even though she’ll be with her friends. She is currently on the pathway for an autism assessment as she was struggling in her last months at primary, so I’m very concerned about how she will cope in the new environment when we are waiting for the process.

I also can’t believe that she’s old enough for secondary as it seems she only started primary school a few years ago!

These all sound quite solo activities. Why not decide to go to a gym class several times a week or see if you have a local women's cycling group who do midweek rides?
I really missed the interaction of the school gate when DC went to secondary.

I’m autistic and don’t really do social stuff. The good mornings at school were my limit for the day. I found it all exhausting and I’ll be glad to not have to do it anymore.

DS is going to struggle with the transition. He has significant additional needs and the change is going to be tricky. He’s asking me to home school him and his anxious tics have worsened this week. @EllieQ solidarity. It’s really tough

That’s a very long list OP. Why don’t you just pick a couple of things initially and see how you go? There is ADHD in my family and I recognise that excitedly making long lists and then failing is a thing so be kind to yourself.

OP, I’m sure you are doing this anyway, but your DS needs to hear how ready he is to go to secondary school, how exciting it’s going to be, and that homeschooling isn’t an option.

We hold our children’s feelings. The most anxious parents create the most anxious children, because our kids look to us for our reaction to stuff.

DS1 is AuDHD and loves the variety and structure of secondary school. Your DS will, too.

Yes, I’ve told him many times how much he is going to enjoy learning all the new subjects, the clubs he can try, and no longer being in primary in a school that didn’t understand him. It’s the usual ASD worry about change. He’ll be fine once he’s there and loved the transition days. He knows home schooling isn’t an option. I’m barely at home for a start, I’m usually at my mum’s or out with her.
I’m not unduly anxious about him starting high school and he isn’t an overly anxious child. He is anxious about change but is always fine once it’s happened and he sees that things are actually fine.

Yes, that’s a long list but now that I’m no medication I’m actually getting stuff down and able to stick to what I say I’ll do.

On medication, that should say. It’s amazing how much stuff I’m
getting done these days. Im
no longer down about the untidiness of the house because it’s quite tidy. It’s generally cleaner than it was. Cupboards of doom are no longer living up to their name. The kitchen is kept clear of clutter which is a big one for me. I’ve been in medication since March and have done so many jobs that I’ve been putting off for years like the cupboards of doom.