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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Emanuel School achievement for nothing...guilt

52 replies

Ummymumski · 14/02/2015 15:30

My DD has passed the entrance exam to Emanuel and been offered a full fee place. However we were hoping for a bursary or scholarship, neither of which have been offered and we can't afford the fees. I now feel guilty that we have put her through this for nothing. We have dangled a fantastic school in front of her and now have had to tell her she can't go. We thought we were trying every option to make sure we did the best by her but I now think our strategy was a mistake. Did we do the wrong thing? I'm not trying to assuage my guilt (well, maybe I am) but would genuinely appreciate others opinions (even negative). Has anyone had the same experience?

PS I'm a first timer here so apologies for any clangers...

OP posts:
TheTescoManAlwaysRingsTwice · 14/02/2015 15:41

I entered DS for private school entrance exams for schools we couldn't afford.

I told him to look around and absorb that
A) there were a lot of bright and motivated kids around - and he'll be competing with them for uni.
B) That he's as good as any of them - and he shouldn't be intimidated by the private school 'trappings'

Figmentofmyimagination · 14/02/2015 15:46

We went through all this - my DD won scholarships at two independents that she couldn't then take up - one because we couldn't find a house nearby that we could possibly afford and the other because my DH (whose idea it always was) hadn't done his homework to find out first that even with the 30% off we still couldn't afford it. Rationalising my guilt I suppose I thought that the test and interview in both cases were good "life experiences" and fortunately my DD wasn't 100% sold on the idea and neither test required any extra preparation beyond showing up on the day.

Flywheel · 14/02/2015 15:49

Put a positive spin on the experience. Being accepted should be good for her confidence.

MillyMollyMama · 14/02/2015 15:51

Scholarships do not give much reduction of fees these days. At my DDs former school it was nothing! Bursaries are different and depend on your (fairly low) income. Presumably you did your homework to see if you were likely to qualify for a bursary? Although Schools have bursary funds they have discretion in how they use them. Therefore they may give a few high value bursaries or more smaller ones. It is unlikely to be the same every year because there are different parental incomes every year.

I would imagine many people apply to schools requiring bursaries. At my DDs old school, bursaries were derived from fee income: so the rest of us paid. This can easily mean there is not enough money to go round to all deserving cases. Do you feel able to go back to the school to ask them to reconsider? Wanting a bursary/scholarship is a high risk strategy though so you will have to explain to your DD that the school could not help and I am sure she will understand the situation. You could save up for the 6th form.

Arsenic · 14/02/2015 15:56

Nice library and big fields, I suppose. But there's more than one way to skin a cat.

Where will DD be going in Sept?

Notinaminutenow · 14/02/2015 16:04

Oh don't feel too guilty.

Tell her well done and explain the situation. She's clearly a bright girl and will understand.

Don't catastrophise. She needs to know that the school she will eventually go to will be great.

Hope you have some good alternatives. Has she sat for other independents?

Remember state education is good too you know and can more than meet your child's needs and exceed aspirations, despite what some may say.

Original poster
Ummymumski · 15/02/2015 11:32

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post. Figmentofmyimagnation especially close to my experience. Some helpful ways of looking at the situation for which I'm grateful. DD has also read post and I think it's helped.

OP posts:
ZeroFunDame · 15/02/2015 14:19

Sorry I this is a really stupid question - but did you specifically apply for a bursary?

AnotherNewt · 15/02/2015 14:25

They've a post-offer pre-decision look around day coming up in the week after half-term. I suggest you go (possibly without DD) and corner and admissions/bursary person, and ask if the acceptance rate is as they expected or if there might be bursary money to be redistributed.

Dustylaw · 15/02/2015 14:30

Sorry, that is tough on you. Congratulations to your daughter and the fact that she couldn't go shouldn't take away her sense of achievement and the huge boost to her confidence. We know someone who had the money to go but couldn't get in - also sad and no such comfort to take away.

ZeroFunDame · 15/02/2015 14:36

We know someone who had the money to go but couldn't get in ...

But surely that is as it should be? (Unless I have misunderstood?)

TalkinPeace · 15/02/2015 14:36

I took lots of scholarship / admission exams for secondary
then my family circumstances changed and I ended up somewhere totally different

a tad silly to bank on a fee reduction - but by no means unique Grin

Zinxie · 15/02/2015 14:37

Emmanuel isn't a "fantastic school" though. I know lots of kids who go there. It's just a school.

Zinxie · 15/02/2015 14:38

zero Emmanuel is not that hard to get into.

Floggingmolly · 15/02/2015 14:40

You're asking was your "strategy" a mistake, but haven't said what the strategy was? You did actually apply for a scholarship and bursary, didn't you? Confused

Zinxie · 15/02/2015 14:44

Actually yeah, I know kids who applied to private schools and then went to the local comp.

It's much more common than you think that people give it a go, then decide against it.

ZeroFunDame · 15/02/2015 14:59

I don't know anything about the school Zinxie - I'm just trying to find out how the OP arrived at this point.

AuntieStella · 15/02/2015 18:50

'Emmanuel isn't a "fantastic school" though. I know lots of kids who go there. It's just a school.'

Horses for courses. If you're DC isn't in top 15% (or whatever the selective independents say their range is this year) and you're not near to Graveney, this could easily be the best school. Fantastic for choral singing and sports. Good all round.

Mumzy · 15/02/2015 18:58

I don't understand surely if you knew you needed financial assistance you apply for a bursary and you explain to your dd beforehand that she could only go if you got the bursary. Scholarships are very different in that it's prestige award and usually comes with a small or no reduction off the fees. Most schools do ask if you need financial assistance to take up the place when you apply to take the exam.

AnotherNewt · 15/02/2015 19:04

Emanuel still have quite valuable scholarships (occasional 50% awards, mist at 25% of 10%, plus exhibitions at flat rate £1k pa) as well as bursaries (schools founded in back in the late 1590s tend to be quite rich!)

Zinxie · 15/02/2015 19:19

Emmanuel is known as "the most expensive comprehensive in South London".

I wouldn't worry about not having the £££ to send my child to a school that's really super for choral singing and sports.

It's true all the kids I know who have passed through there have been non academic.

Honestly. Graveney isn't the only other choice, either.

AuntieStella · 15/02/2015 19:24

I expect it depends on where you live, and which state schools are realistic options.

And of course, it's academic results are on a par with Graveney (so is outperforming all other state schools).

Luna9 · 15/02/2015 19:31

It is a difficult situation to be in as you feel you are declining a great opportunity; I don't think you are the only one in this situation though. Better to decline than get yourself in bankruptcy and affect the whole family; a stable and happy family is more important for your child at the end of the day.

Lots of people get their kids to sit exams for private school hoping on a scholarship/bursary but they are highly competitive and scarce.

Just feel happy she got a place and tell her she can achieve whatever she wants if she works hard not matter which school she goes and that you would support her with any other extracurricular activity of sport outside the school if the school don’t offer it.

Zinxie · 15/02/2015 19:32

Academic results get jigged about, like all statistics.

Emmanuel will make sure children know very precise exam strategies. And give tight coaching for assessed work.

Really seriously doesn't mean it's a great school that any child is missing out on attending.

Arsenic said 'there are more ways than one to skin a cat' and she is spot on.

I would recommend tissues be put away, re.Emmanuel.

AuntieStella · 15/02/2015 19:35

It's still a few weeks until state school allocations are announced. Thus family won't have a point if comparison yet.

If you were hoping for a Graveney standard school, but ended up eith Battersea Park Road, you might just feel you'd lost 'fantastic'.