I've decided NOT to return to work

[Nabanja]

After failing to find a childcare provider that I can trust, I have decided not to return to work at the end of my maternity leave. I know many factors affect the decision to leave one's career. But to those parents that came to a similar conclusion, what was the one thing that pretty much nailed that decision for you?

There wasn't any one thing. We had planned for me to SAH for a long time- before I even got pregnant in fact! Main factors were:

• we could afford it

-I very much wanted to do it -dp was very happy to be the sole earner -we didn't/don't want our children to be in childcare for any prolonged period of time -we knew we wanted 2 close together so the cost of childcare was huge

Childcare was too expensive. DH works such long hours that drop offs and pick ups would be up to me.

Quality of family life over financial gain (once 2nd came along going to work became financially draining).

Demands from schools for my eldest. Homework, parent sessions, school holiday cover, wrap around care issues with availability.

I had to provide my children with a home and family security I feel I never had!

Anxiety and depression made working difficult.

Then parents became sick so I was needed at home even more.

It's very hard to get back into the working world and I've had to start at the bottom again. The family aren't used to me working so it's quite hardwork because they aren't used to helping out as much.
I did miss the adult company and found good playgroups essential to keeping me sane.

I don't regret giving my family my time but it is extremely draining and I'm looking forward to getting a bit of time back for me when youngest starts school in sept.

I'd always planned to be a sahp. I've spent almost 20 years looking after other people's kids and babies, seeing first words, first steps etc. I wanted to be there for mine when he did the same. We had trouble conceiving and now won't be able to have another so I'm glad I made the decision I did.

I will also not go back to full time work when ds is at school. I was brought up in a single parent family by mostly mean and sometimes downright abusive childminders and babysitters. Then my brother and I were 'latch key' kids at an early age. I was so envious of the kids who came home to a Mum, a snack and a clean home.

(I know you can do this whilst being a working parent too, for me I just love putting everything in to making our home as lovely as I can for all of us.)

I'm not an entirely SAHM, so apologies if I'm hijacking the thread, but DH and I both work part time, with one full time job between us, so we're able to provide full time child care to DD. It was abundantly clear that DD wouldn't have coped with a nursery at 1, and given we have the choice, we cut back my hours. She does use her free hours at nursery now (she's 4), but even settling in at 3 was a struggle for her, and the children who are crying at nursery are almost always the younger ones - I didn't want that to be DD.

I don't find childcare particularly easy, but I'm pretty sure I'm better for DD than longer hours in childcare - she did a 9-3 day at nursery today, and we won't do anything complex for the rest of the day; she's tired and just needs to chill.

Ds was a really difficult baby and didn't believe anyone else would put up with it and that his emotional well-being would suffer as a consequence. (Appreciate that sound twattish!)

My main reason if I'm being honest is that I would be better off financially not returning. I worked full time low wage and did not earn more than if i was on benefits. Also, as a single mother I was glad to look after my children full time and as i worked in a nursery I didn't like the way majority of them were run. I made the right decision as my daughter has some problems and development issues, so I am glad I can keep an eye on her full time, apart from her afternoons in school nursery x

My work turned down my request to return part time. I initially asked for 3 days, was refused and tried for 4 and refused again.

It was a big stress at the time but I'm so glad it worked out that way now.

Hi, I didn't return to work as we would have been worse off financially with childcare and travel. I wasn't earning a huge amount and a nanny would have cost a fortune! (We have no family nearby 😔). Love spending time with my boy. Good luck xxx

Childcare cost was our biggest issue.

I had two under two when I gave up work (I had two consecutive lots of mat leave so didn't return after the 2nd). We didn't qualify for any free hours at a childcare providers and my job had hit a brick wall and my employer wasnt flexible towards parents at all (same as jenny my part time request was denied)

I'm going back to college to retrain in a new career which I can work around the kids.

I believed (and still do) that the best person to care for my children was me.

I was needed at home to nurture our new family. I wasn't always a SAHM; I studied for most of my first 4 years of being a parent, but after I graduated, married my current husband, blended our families and moved to another part of the country to deal with a major family illness - I knew I needed to be at home with the children for a while for emotional support. Especially as DH works away every other week. Also, we could afford it and on a practical level, I don't know how I would ever have balanced 4 children and a full time job.

To be honest the general plan was always that I would be a SAHM but I think the fact that my baby is now four months and I haven't so much as been in a different room has really solidified the decision!

Also childcare is just so expensive that I wouldn't be making very much net profit after travel/work clothes and functions/childcare.

Also it would be hard to coordinate doctors appointments etc. I'm a bit ott and have him weighed every two weeks and run to the GP if he so much as has a spot - this obviously wouldn't be feasible if I was to work.

All the best and good luck! Make sure to leave him with your significant other once in a while so you can get some SAHM praise!!!

Same as a couple of other posts, finances. DH works very long hours so my wages would have paid for child care and to keep the 2nd car on the road. So was a case of what's the point in someone else looking after them when I can. Sometimes wish I had a little pt job to 'escape' but when I look at them all tucked up asleep at night I know it was the best decision we ever made.

Can echo what you've all said on here. I just wondered, for those SAHMs, at what age did your children leave you and go into childcare? Did anyone have their kids at home with them for the full 5 years till school? When they did go into nursery/school, what did you do with your free time?

Hi Glummy my children had their 15 hours after they were three. Didn't really have free time as I always had a younger one at home, but took advantage of going into town or food shopping with baby in pushchair rather than all of them. Will stay home till youngest starts school maybe a bit longer.

Are you married? Do you have financial and legal protection?

Very poorly baby
Child are costs huge...i only worked pt before dc so no way would my wage co er childcare
I went back twice pt after each child was school age but am now very very pt due to other factors (my own health and looking after my mother)

...both my dc used their 15 hours in pre school at 3 til they started school. Ds2 was nearly 5 before he started (sept birthday)
Have never needed to use the wrap around care

OP just wondered how being a SAHM has worked out for you? I'm currently in a similar situation and not returning to work after maternity.

Sneezeandooops Will you be looking for work once your DC are in school? I'm hoping to do similar but worried it will be hard to find work when been out of the employment setting for so long?

Hi Bella8 not to sure tbh, if the right job came along maybe but while DH has this job there is no need for me to return. Also I don't really want someone telling me I have to work at weekends or cover holidays, or be told when I can take time off. He works very long hours so if I did go back when children were all in school we would probably end up needing after school childcare.
I found citizen advice very helpful when we made the decision for him to be sole earner. Good luck with what you decide

Thank you, yeah it difficult or juggle it all isn't it. I just don't know what to do at the moment. I know I can't go back to my fulltime job after my maternity end though as they won't reduce.my hours enough and it's too far away and wasn't a great place to work at times. I may seek part time 2 days a week when DS turns 1 but I have major anxiety over childcare and stranger taking care of my child who at that point won't be able to let me know what going on. I could do with a little job for my own sanity though.

It's difficult to+

Because after childcare costs I'd have brought home £20 pcm

That's the problem I'm in I could do with getting some adult
Interaction though but it's not worth my while