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SAHP

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

Original poster

"So, what are you going to do?"

33 replies

pipnchops · 22/06/2015 20:10

I'm getting a bit tired of everyone asking me this when I say I've decided not to go back to work after maternity leave. It's kind of sad that staying at home to look after your baby isn't considered "doing something". Does anyone else get asked this? I feel like I have to justify my decision to not go back to work, because when I reply with "I'm going to look after my baby" I get blank looks as if they want to say "and?" Am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
NickiFury · 22/06/2015 20:12

I'd say "well I am going to look after my baby instead of paying a full time wage for a full time job for someone else to do it".

Then look like Hmm.

badow · 22/06/2015 20:14

I find it difficult to believe anyone's actually asked you this.

elderflowerlemonade · 22/06/2015 20:16

Ah, so you think the op is lying? Reported the post have you?

Just say 'look after her' and smile blankly

brusselsproutwarning · 22/06/2015 20:17

No,you're not being too sensitive. When i first became a sahm I used to get the silence for a few seconds while they contemplate what to say.Hmm I felt as if I had to get a second job to justify staying at home to rear the kids.
I'm starting to get it again as the summer holidays are on the horizon.... What will you do all summer???... Eh mind my kids?

spad · 22/06/2015 20:20

I hear you!

I love being a sahm, definitely get the feeling that people think I don't do much with my time though!

MumSnotBU · 22/06/2015 20:21

We are human beings, not human doings.

Why do we insist on justifying our existence in monetary terms? Other animals get on fine with their lives, just eating, sleeping, procreating, defecating, peeing, relaxing and playing.

Just tell them to piss off; you're doing just fine OP Wink

NickiFury · 22/06/2015 20:29

Do you Badow?

My ex in laws said it all the time. It was generally agreed that I was lazy and money grabbing for not being back at work at the first opportunity.

Original poster
pipnchops · 22/06/2015 20:44

I'm surprised as well that people ask this. I kind of don't mind so much when people without children ask, as I had no idea how much work is involved in looking after little people until I had my own, but this morning I was asked by another mum at a mother and baby group. Maybe some people can't contemplate life without going to work, but I can't contemplate missing out on this time with my baby when I'm lucky enough to have the opportunity to stay at home with her. I'll always be able to get another job, but I won't get these years back with my daughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
pipnchops · 22/06/2015 20:49

I would just like to add that I have HUGE respect for working parents and I'm not criticizing them in any way, I would no way have the energy to work all day and then come home and be a mum and look after the house on top, I can imagine it's exhausting! It's a personal choice and for some there isn't a choice, they just have to do it. What I find so strange is the way it's almost seen as an odd choice to not want to go back to work, when I think it's the obvious choice, if you have the option to stay at home.

OP posts:
NickyEds · 23/06/2015 12:56

I don't think my friends consider SAH not doing anything it's more that it's just not on their radar. I used to get the blank looks when i said I'm a SAHM and do sometimes feel the need to justify it a bit. I usually just say "I'm at home with the LO-it's what I've always wanted to do". It's odd because the friends who work full time say how lucky i am to be at home instead of having to work (I'm inclined to agree with them) but the friends who work part time say they go to work for a break.

NighteyesLovesGingerbread · 08/07/2015 19:38

I'm getting this a lot as my youngest are starting pre-school in September. I tend to answer with a very flippant 'drink a cup of tea while its hot for the first time in 6 years' and leave it at that. most don't push me further.

if I am ever pushed on it the response is a rather frosty 'DH and I believe that one of us being at home for the children is important and whilst we can afford it, I will not be going back to paid employment'.

I have managed in the last year or so to get to get to a lovely zen place of not caring what joe blogs thinks of what I am doing - if me, DH and the DC are happy with the arrangement, who cares what anyone else thinks.

mammydub · 27/07/2015 16:25

Nighteyes I need to get to that not caring point. My in laws are the worst offenders for asking this and asked when they visited at the hospital after DS was born!

imwithspud · 09/08/2015 00:02

I have had this. I can just feel the disapproval seeping out of people when it comes up. My mil seemed genuinely shocked when I handed in my notice at work towards the end of my maternity leave.

I don't know why people can't just keep their thoughts to themselves.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 14/08/2015 17:34

I've had this a few times. The worst comment was: -
Won't you get bored?
No, I won't because I WANT to be at home with my children and the job I was leaving was as dull as dull gets. I respect mums who make the decision to woh and those who are sahm.
I was once part of a conversation where someone asked a male friend: -
Does your wife work?
He said - Yes, she works very hard.
Had to respect that reply!

PogoBob · 14/08/2015 17:41

Stupid questions like this do get asked. When I was on maternity leave with DD someone asked me if I planned to quit my job to look after her, we'd decided DH would stay at home and on saying this I got asked would he be doing free-lance as he'd get bored with only DD to look after. No suggestion that I would get bored if I stay at home!

OhPuddleducks · 26/08/2015 17:29

Happened to me. I said "i feel lucky to be able to do it" and left it there. I'm four years into sahp-ing and the most common thing I'm asked now is "when will you go back to work?"! I don't think they mean any harm, they just can't imagine not having a job. I'm sure I was the same before I stopped work.

Owllady · 26/08/2015 17:33

Wait til they start school :o it gets even worse and tbf I worker 20 hours a week anyway when my youngest started school. I had, well won't you get a proper job? (I was a casual retail manager, did training for area etc, it obviously wasn't a proper job)

trilbydoll · 26/08/2015 17:33

Are you getting asked by people with small-ish babies? I could not have imagined not going back to work after DD1 but now she's 2.3 there's a) more to do with her and b) I can see loads of stuff to do that she's too young for. I'm beginning to think mat leave would be better taken between 2.5 and 3.5!

PosterEh · 26/08/2015 17:55

My FIL helpfully sent me regular emails about work-from-home opportunities for the first year or so I was a SAHM so I can believe it.

Rubygillis · 18/10/2015 12:21

I've been a SAHM for 5 years now with two children and my 5 is about to start school and the 3 yo is about to start pre school. A couple of people have asked what I am going to do and i just say flippantly "drink tea and read books in the garden".

I can't wait!

FartemisOwl · 18/10/2015 12:26

I used to get this too. People stopped asking after my standard reply became 'sit on my arse eating cake and not moaning about the shitty job I don't have to go to' Grin

Seeyounearertime · 18/10/2015 18:33

I got this from EVERYONE when I said I was finishing work to be a SAHD. People looked confusedly at me and said,
"What are you going to do? What? Really? Won't you feel bad that your girlfriends earning the money?"
I couldn't help wonder if I'd stepped out of 2015 nd into 1815. Lol

Fredfred81 · 21/10/2015 19:03

Well I'm just about to leave work after working FT to be a SAHM and my DCs are 4 and 2.6.

Sure I'll get asked 'what I will do' when the smallest goes to school.

Not sure what I'll say!

Fredfred81 · 21/10/2015 19:05

And well done Ruby!

At home with the kids was far harder for me than work!

Fredfred81 · 21/10/2015 19:06

Poster - that made me chuckle!