"So, what are you going to do?"

[pipnchops]

I'm getting a bit tired of everyone asking me this when I say I've decided not to go back to work after maternity leave. It's kind of sad that staying at home to look after your baby isn't considered "doing something". Does anyone else get asked this? I feel like I have to justify my decision to not go back to work, because when I reply with "I'm going to look after my baby" I get blank looks as if they want to say "and?" Am I being too sensitive?

I'm not really a SAHM, just on maternity leave. I love the life we have at the moment, everything is so much more organised and less stressed, but we can't afford to make it permanent sadly and I will have to go back to work next year to keep the bills paid. Not so much this time but when I was off with DS2 people were always suggesting things to do, things to "get you out of the house", asking if I was bored and missing work etc. They couldn't believe that just relaxing and being with the kids was enough. If you can stay at home for longer enjoy it!

It is such a shame when something becomes the natural default rather than an attitude of que sera sera.
If you do anything in life that isn't considered the norm people ask these questions.
I had it as a sahm, then as a H. edder, now with dd boarding.

Always such stupid and intrusive questions too.
I learned how to be sarcy, quick witted or if in the mood downright rude.

If people ask nicely because it's something they struggle to understand then I'm usually nice back again.

I'd take "so what are you going to do?" as a genuine question not a judgement. Lots of people have a career change after DC and/or get additional qualifications. Some take the preschool years off then go back. It could be a genuine question about what your future plans are, in a nice friendly way.

I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old and 4 month old and the only people who have ever asked anything like this are my IL's. I think they think I'm sponging off their DS and should be earning my keep.

Always such stupid and intrusive questions too.
I learned how to be sarcy, quick witted or if in the mood downright rude.

If people ask nicely because it's something they struggle to understand then I'm usually nice back again. I have become the exactly the same!

In the past I have shared ideas that I have had re going back to work and they have been pulled apart and shot down - they were not unreasonable ideas either! Any thoughts that I do have are now shared with sensible people who will offer support rather than nosy relatives!

There's absolutely no need to justify being a SAHP - and anyone who thinks you'll have your feet up is clueless.

But its probably sensible to have a redundancy/illness/divorce back up plan which might involve longer term career planning. Which might be what some people mean by 'what will you do'.

Am thinking about becoming a SAHM at the end of my maternity leave and can see how frustrating this can be! I think as women we're damned if we do and damned if we don't - we either don't love our DC enough to stay at home and rear them properly or we're lazy money grabbing wasters! Do what is right for your family I say and don't judge other women for doing the right thing for theirs :)

Well, there has been a change since my last post and we may now be able to afford for me to take a year or two out! I would have to go back for 3 months once my leave is up as we can't afford to repay my company maternity pay but after that I am seriously thinking about it. Family childcare may be easier to get if its short term. I had no choice at all with my first two babies but now I may have I just don't feel right about going back. They are all thriving with me at home. I can use the time off to retrain to do something that would work round them better once DS3 is bigger. It feels strange to even be saying this but I will never lie on my death bed and regret time not spent at work. The same cannot be said of time with the kids.