Husband retired and in my way

[Thevegetarianchef]

So my dh is older and I knew he would retire first obviously.Im not jealous in fact I think I would find it difficult as I get bored v easily and need the structure of work.
He hasn't been retired long and he has let me come in to a clean home.
I appreciate this and know adjustment takes time.
However he just is there at all times.He doesn't know anyone else who retired and will pick up golf occasionally.
I need free alone time as a neurodivergent person.I also work full time and exercise daily.
I have explained to him but it doesn't seem to sink in.
Free time to potter.Get odd bits done.Be alone with my thoughts.
Cook with some lovely music on.
I understand that this is new to him too.
Anyone else relate to this what works for you.
Years ago I used to go out on my days off but I no longer drive.

You can't evict him out of the house because you "need space" every so often - that isn't the deal.

Maybe build on the golf idea - make sure he is in "leagues" or whatever they call them so there are plenty of people to play.

Maybe also tennis? Something where there are social matches that can accommodate single players.

Support @Thevegetarianchef. Mine enters retirement on 1st Jan, I retire on 1 October. I thought he'd go into his 70s, but no.

I'm hoping he will play more golf, pick up politics again and do some volunteering/non exec work.

Surely he was home with you before you retired unkess you worked opposite shifts!

I plan to give up all my voluntary do gooding work at the same time, not take on new things :)

Yes we worked opposite shifts for years.I was a pub chef so out of the house 60 hours per week and weekends all Christmas Easter ECT.
Then I semi retired to a full time job but still do weekends.
I would get home first and get some chill time alone and he got all weekend alone.

Separate living rooms, or a man cave/office is non negotiable. Only emerge for food/drink and a chat now and then. Leave me alone!

OP see if that's possible, even by making a spare bedroom dual purpose and send him there...

I think they get restless and are at a loose end, so they get in our way. I doubt it's deliberately done but it is so annoying! Off to the man cave/man living room for you mate. Oh and nagging them to join this, or do that didn't work for me anyway, but eventually he went to a local gym where he does damn all apart from sitting in the sauna and yapping with the other old retired codgers who pretend they are keeping fit. 😊 But it's out of the house at least.

Tbh I would expect him to have some outside interests.
I've joined a walking group so when I retire I have somewhere to be.
I should point out he has a bit of a temper so chill time isn't so chill with him there.

Surely he'll get bored and find some more things to fill his time. Buy some headphones and ignore him even if you aren't listening to music. Not sure how he can't get his head around you needing you time. Maybe he's too dependant on you for chat and he really, really does need to find someone else to hang out with.

Paomara great idea.He is in his room now.Tv on out of my way.
🤣Love the sauna thing.I bet they have a bacon sandwich after.🤣🤣

Too reliant on me for direction.I didn't mind being the organizer now it's exhausting carrying the mental load.

Is he neurodivergent too?

My guess he maybe.

I’d gently suggest you stop carrying it. As much as you can. Because it only gets worse. I see this with my DPs. My Dad now needs my DM to tell him to have a bath. He won’t have one it without her telling him to.

Yes I have this already Rita's kitchen.
I organized the kids and home.We shared the chores as you would.Decades later I'm accused of being bossy or controlling.
So I stopped and realized baths were taken when I mentioned it.
I told him he is capable of putting water on and running it himself.
Brushing teeth changing clothes.
I don't cook for him.I have to remind him to contact the adult dcs.
Not anymore.

I appreciate married life is supporting each other though before anyone mentions it.

Cook with some lovely music on
Why can't you cook with music on. Does he complain. On days I cook I always have music on quite loud.

I should point out he has a bit of a temper so chill time isn't so chill with him there.
I couldn't live like that. So you don't even like spending time with him. How awful for you. Why do you stay.

If he's bad tempered with you, and you dread spending time with him, why are you still married?

Is your house big enough to live separate lives within it? Does he want to be around you - even if you don't want to be around him?

Yo8 need to explain the temper thing, are you unsafe, is there domestic violence, abuse, as people will jump all over it,

however you can’t evict him , if you wish alone time, you need to go elsewhere and get it, if you’re being abused, say so/

Fair enough

I loveeverycat I beginning to wonder.
He is an irritable man and we have nothing in common.Opposites in fact.

When my dad retired he took responsibility for dog walks, did the food shop and got an allotment.

Enjoy it. Cherish him .My husband has dementia, I would give anything to have his old self back.

Any padel courts nearby? Or pickleball?

Could you afford to separate and each have a comfortable place?