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Original poster

Is your DH/OT chivalrous towards you? Mine isn't!

38 replies

pollypentapeptide · 19/01/2009 18:44

Just curious really.

I was driving through town the other day in the pouring rain and saw this couple walking down the road. He was shielding her with his unbrella and had an arm held round her in a protective sort of way. They were in their 40's I suppose?

It just occured to me that my DH would never/has never done that, or opened a door, or walked road side on the pavement for me. It just wouldn't occur to him to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly capable of holding my own umbrella and opening my own doors but just thought it would be nice once in a while......

He has brought tampax for me at an all night petrol station and would tell me if I had egg/shit/whatever on my face so I suppose I musn't grumble

OP posts:
elsiepiddock · 19/01/2009 18:49

Mine is, relatively - esp when compared to others I know.

He'll always help me with my coat, open doors, take heavy bags from me etc..

But there's room for improvement!

Pinkchampagne · 19/01/2009 19:01

Mine is. He opens doors for me, always puts his arm around me, takes bags from me & generally looks after me. My ex husband on the other hand, was the total opposite!

BitOfFun · 19/01/2009 19:01

Lol @ the tampons- I read an old thread earlier where someones dh refused to buy them "in case the shop assistant thinks I'm a gay man with anal seepage". At least he's not that bad!

Why don't you just say nicely when you are chatting that though you know you are quite capable, it would make you feel nice to get that kind of treatment a bit more, you know, just as a bonus. And ask him what you could do to give him the warm and fuzzies too. It's good to talk!

Original poster
pollypentapeptide · 19/01/2009 19:07

But I am so used to him not doing these things (after 13 years of marriage) that I would (a) laugh nervously in his face or (b) assume that he must be having an affair ;)

We talk loads and I know exactly what I can do for him to give him the warm and fuzzies

What makes me feel a bit sad is that physically, I am a bit on the 'large' side so maybe subconsciously he thinks that I dont need looking after you know, big girl and all that.

Maybe I am reading too much into it but he didn't bat an eyelid last week when I hoiked half a ton of concrete down to the tip in the trailor (and he didnt offer to help either!!)

OP posts:
Hulababy · 19/01/2009 19:11

Yes, DH is and always has been.

A lot of his clients are older women and they do very much expect the old traditions like these - it certainly goes in his favour with them when he acts chivalrous naturally

ChugtasticCrew · 19/01/2009 19:14

My dh is very caring and protective, but he wouldn't stand up for me if someone was being rude to me (it's happened, he hasn't been forgiven...5yrs later...grrr) He hates arguing, he'd rather I shut up and changed the topic than create a scene (argue my corner)....as if I would I love him to bits but I find that hard to take.

bellavita · 19/01/2009 19:32

DH would always open a door for me, carry the heaviest bags, walk on the outside etc etc and yes he would have no problem with buying me tampax or any ladies things

If he say had been given a box of chocolates and he opened them, he would always offer first dibbs to me.

Goober · 19/01/2009 19:34

This couple you saw were probably a new couple.
My DH would do anything for me and visa versa.

waspriceyp · 19/01/2009 19:36

LOL my DH has 4 sisters and I guess somewhere along the line the shine that us ladies have came off!
He is very sweet in lots of ways, but never helps me into my coat, never opens my car door, wouldn't dream of throwing his coat over a puddle. But has been known to shiver at a posh function while I wear a ballgown and (his) dinner jacket combo. But he has/will buy tampons, pregnancy tests or jumbo maternity liners without blushing.
And he lets me eat his chips in a restaurant when I'm "dieting"!

WriggleJiggle · 19/01/2009 19:39

In our house the traditional male/female roles are reversed - I love my chainsaw, dh is a better cook, and so on. However, he would always hold open doors for me or offer his jacket. He is the perfect gentleman.

BodyBagBastard · 19/01/2009 19:39

yuk!!! I can't stand any of that bullshit.

I like to hold my own umbrella.

waspriceyp · 19/01/2009 19:47

So do I BodyBag, but I'm shorter than DH and tend to poke him in the eye with the umbrella!!

waspriceyp · 19/01/2009 19:48

Plus it's a well know fact that the holder stays dryer.

BodyBagBastard · 19/01/2009 20:06

waspriceyp yes you do stay drier.
Also handy incase any fucker tried to rob you or something.
you can stab the bastards with your umbrella.

waspriceyp · 19/01/2009 20:10

ROFL @ BodyBag, beating the sh1t out of some spotty thief with a golf umbrella!

twinsetandpearls · 19/01/2009 20:12

My dp is very chivalrous, treats me like a princess.

MrsBrendaDyson · 19/01/2009 20:18

doors, road side of pavement, bags, is what i expect from dh, and i get it

cory · 19/01/2009 21:39

When dh and I first met we were both working in a manual labour type of job, and he wasn't physically much stronger than me if at all, so we'd naturally take it in turns to carry bags etc.

After two pregnancies, my body has taken a certain amount of punishment, so these days he would be more likely to take the heaviest bags.

But it would have seemed a bit odd when we were young to have said, yes I want a job pushing wheelbarrows and wielding a pick-axe because I'm as strong as a bloke, but you've got to carry my shopping for me because I'm female.

Habbibu · 19/01/2009 21:44

We do these things for each other. I don't want chivalry, I want (and get) kindness and thoughtfulness and I think (hope!) dh gets the same from me. But he's 6"3 and I'm 5"4, so his holding a shared umbrella is a practicality.

honeybunmum · 19/01/2009 21:47

Well polly, all these lucky women, my DH doesn't do a damn thing for me. I don't doubt he would jump in to save me if I were in danger or something but that's about it! I'm a bit of an alpha female so maybe that's the reason...

cory · 19/01/2009 21:49

wouldn't want dh to treat me like a princess, I've always seen myself more as a fellow labourer, a workmate

blinks · 20/01/2009 13:37

Hulababy- is your DH a gigolo per chance?

wintercitylover · 20/01/2009 13:44

I used to joke to exH (with a world weariness) that if we were on the Titanic he would be jumping off first!!

No he did nothing chivalrous at all!!

I think he would have bought tampons though.

notamumyetbutoneday · 20/01/2009 13:50

Mine carries the heaviest bags, opens doors (but not car doors) and looks after me generally..

although despite me being a tiny 5ft and him being 5ft 10, somehow it ws me that ended up painting the kitchen cieling this weekend?!

MadreInglese · 20/01/2009 13:52

Yes, but I do the same for him

More manners and courtesy than chivalry IMO