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Relationships

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Original poster

Is your DH/OT chivalrous towards you? Mine isn't!

38 replies

pollypentapeptide · 19/01/2009 18:44

Just curious really.

I was driving through town the other day in the pouring rain and saw this couple walking down the road. He was shielding her with his unbrella and had an arm held round her in a protective sort of way. They were in their 40's I suppose?

It just occured to me that my DH would never/has never done that, or opened a door, or walked road side on the pavement for me. It just wouldn't occur to him to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly capable of holding my own umbrella and opening my own doors but just thought it would be nice once in a while......

He has brought tampax for me at an all night petrol station and would tell me if I had egg/shit/whatever on my face so I suppose I musn't grumble

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 20/01/2009 16:50

Can I just ask, by car doors, you mean you sit there while he gets out and walks round the car to let you out, like royalty?

twinsetandpearls · 20/01/2009 22:01

I knew someone would pick me up on the princess comment cory! He treats me like a princess and I treat him like the handsome prince he is.

We adore each other and love to make each other feel special. He tends to do more than me as I work longer hours and he is more homebased than me. It is not about one of us being superior to the other but about the fact we want to make the other one feel special.

So tonight I have had a parents evening so got home just after 9, I arrived home to a candle lit bath, with relaxing music and a glass of wine. He hasnt done that because he thinks I am a meek little woman who cant run her own bath but because he knew I would be tired/
.

sayithowitis · 21/01/2009 17:56

My DH has always been caring in the way you describe. His parents brought him up to be thoughtful and courteous. Yes, he always takes heavy bags, indeed any shopping bags, from me. He always opens doors and walks on the outside of the pavement. He would hold an umbrella for me, including as I get into/out of the car. I am a strong person(ality) but it doesn't stop him wanting to show he cares by doing those things. They are not done in a sickly way, just a genuine attempt to help. I am also big, but he still likes to look after me. Mind you, he couldn't put up a shelf if his life depended upon it! But I wouldn't swap him for anything. I would rather have a real, caring and loving man than someone who was good at all the practical things but treated me like sh*t!

Original poster

pollypentapeptide · 21/01/2009 20:50

MorrisZapp - actually I would find that quite odd. My nana used to sit in the car like Hyacinth Bucket and wait for someone to open the car door for her to get out sometimes, I think that my grandad used to deliberatley forget and she would have to beep the horn

Although somehow (oddly) it wouldn't seem too bad if a man opened it for you to climb in!!

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 22/01/2009 17:27

My DP is very kind and considerate towards me and I am to him too.

But I don't really agree with being treated like an invalid just becuase I'm female, and I certainly don't expect it.

I don't generally like 'chivalry' ie men doing things for you because you're female as it makes me feel like they don't see me as an equal. I'd never say so, I'd politely say thanks.

DP carries bags etc becuase he is stronger then me, but the sitting in the car thing and watching him walk round would make him wonder if my legs had stopped working!

Everybody whould be polite etc, regardless of gender.

cory · 22/01/2009 23:16

I adore my dh too, twinset. And he adores me. But any bag carrying would be sorted out according to the practical consideration of whose body was currently in best shape to do it. And it is not a foregone conclusion that it will be him just because he is a bloke. We are fairly equal in size and I did after all use to do manual labour on the same terms as the blokes, so I can't claim that I need more looking after than he does. And I am just as anxious about his back etc as he is about mine.

LeQueen · 23/01/2009 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattie · 23/01/2009 10:45

Mine is fairly chivalrous, yes. He opens doors for me, gives me things first (pours my wine etc) and would always offer his jacket if I was cold. He carries heavy bags / suitcases at the airport etc, too.

Actually, he is a gent, come to think of it

KatieScarlett2833 · 23/01/2009 11:45

Mine is chivalrous too, his dad is the same. I was very proud when DS held the door open for some elderly ladies yesterday, it must be genetic.

ByTheSea · 23/01/2009 11:59

My DH is extremely chivalrous. He is even a bit overboard on walking on the road side all the time. He opens doors for me (not the car door thing though), carries the heavy stuff, offers or pours for me first, helps me on with my coat especially when out, etc. He wouldn't think twice about buying me tampons. I have a very fond memory of us being together on a very crowded, standing-room-only train where the next stop was an hour away. I was heavily pregnant and all the other commuters just stuck their heads into their newspapers trying to pretend they didn't see me. In his booming Geordie voice (we live in the South), he called out 'Excuse me, my wife is 8 months pregnant, would someone kindly spare a seat for her?' and several guilty sheepish looking men stood up to offer me their seats.

He is also a real feminist, showing that men can be both feminists and gentlemen. He's not perfect in every way, but I so love this about my DH.

Monkeygi · 23/01/2009 12:06

Mine will carry bags happily after a 'ahem' and a gesture to said bags from me. Would not dream of offering me first choc from a box, or serving me from a tureen etc on a table. Where food is involved he is totally single-minded. BUT he is an excellent shopping partner- will stand happily for HOURS while I try on clothes etc and will even refrain from moaning when I want to go back to the first shop I went into...... He doesn't open car doors or let me through the front door first, even if it's raining and I've got ds2 in my arms, but will schlepp the shopping in. So a mixed bag really.

Othersideofthechannel · 23/01/2009 12:08

My DH is not very chivalrous. After years of marriage, it is still refreshing as my Dad is over chivalrous towards me and always has been and I find it a little irritating.

But my DH is very considerate.

Haribolicious · 23/01/2009 12:17

My DH is also very chivalrous and always opens doors for me, will take heavy bags and offer me things first. He's also very kind and generous am quite lucky!
Goober - why dya think the couple op saw were prob a new couple?! My parents (in the 70's) still hold hands and my Dad holds doors open and helps with heavy bags...he even carries Mum's handbag at times! During the icy/snowy weather I saw elderly couples holding hands and the man with a hand/arm to the ladies back to steady her - it warmed my heart to see and hope that DH and I are like that in our later years.

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