Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please tell me if there are any innocent explanations to this??

46 replies

WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 09:29

What would be your gut feeling if you found an email address in your dh's wallet and it belonged to a woman. (i just typed into face book)

I have never ever mistrusted DH before but I need to be certain about this. What should I do???

Please help before I go mad

OP posts:
PenelopePitstops · 28/10/2008 09:32

work contact?

call him and ask him about it

GrabShellDude · 28/10/2008 09:32

Do you know her or know of her? Colleague, Uni friend? Bit soon to start panicking but you know your DH best. Can you not just ask him who it is?

LostProphet · 28/10/2008 09:33

Ask him!

I got all hysterical one day (I am a very untrusting person ) - turned out the email address was a woman at work. They were going on a course together and had exchanged email addresses to organise the setting off times, hotel details etc.

morningpaper · 28/10/2008 09:33

ermmm there are a zillion innocent explanations for this

funkypumpkin · 28/10/2008 09:34

2nd what everyone else has said call and ask him before your mind starts working overtime.

scaryfucker · 28/10/2008 09:34

lots of innocent explanations

ask him

then take it from there (if you need to)

Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 09:35

I don't want to ask him yet. It's been a really stressful year already and I'm not sure what problems this would cause.

OP posts:
Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 09:36

He's self employed and wroks on his own so not work. I know I need to ask but I can't

OP posts:
PenelopePitstops · 28/10/2008 09:38

it could still be a work contact though, someone he needs for his work

you really should just ask him

Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 09:38

The other reason I don't want to ask is that I was deleting our internet history and a website for a womens forum was on there (not a parenting one.)

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 28/10/2008 09:39

You do know him best - but you should also listen to your gut.

Are you scared because of what your gut is saying?

morningpaper · 28/10/2008 09:40

well the internet takes you to all sorts of forums with the most random of search requests

I am self-employed and there are zillions of reasons I might have someone's email address in my wallet

I think the more important questions are why you are going through his wallet and internet history, when you have no reason to suspect the poor chap?

Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 09:40

Yes Happy I am scared of what my gut is saying. I don't think he's been sleeping around as he doesn't go out much or hasn't been coming home late. But I'm worried that something is going on

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 28/10/2008 09:46

If you truely believe something is going on - my advice would be to ask yourself what YOU want - and it sounds as if you do not want to just 'turn a blind eye' and let it take its course do you?

Take some time to make you the best you can - he would be a fool to lose you then surely.

RubyShivers · 28/10/2008 09:47

why are you going through his wallet?

something is unsettling you ...

Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 09:48

I know what you're saying is right MP (I often go in his wallet to get cash out - he knows!!)

I'm just confused right now. I think I've got PND too so I admit I'm all over the place and not rationale and I just want to go back to that place where I never had a second doubt about him.

I know I'm probably being the more deceitful of the two of us right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 09:51

I don't want to turn a blind eye Happy Woman but I'm also scared as fuck at the thought of my marriage going tits up.

I don't work, so have no financial independance, I have a toddler and a baby. What the hell would I do??

OP posts:
RubyShivers · 28/10/2008 09:51

if you think you have PND then i would go to your GP

HappyWoman · 28/10/2008 09:58

of course you are scared - and who wouldnt be?
But surely it is better to live the life you want - with open honesty than a lie and feeling like you are going mad. Also if you do not get this resolved you will forever be checking on him. Give him a chance to defend himself now.

It is hard for people who have not experienced depression to understand, that your mind is likely to be feeling overwhelmed. You may be being unrational - but think what you would want your h to do if he had these same susspicions about you?

Lots of (men) get caught up with other woman - and it may be inoccent of course, and i doubt he even thinks this could lead to the end of his marriage.
He may be seeking some support too and if you do have pnd may not feel able to talk to you.

Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 09:58

Have been to GP. Am having some bloods done first to rule out anything physical

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 28/10/2008 09:58

Yes and go and get help for pnd - you will feel better for just admiting to it and it is not a failure.

Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 10:00

You make a lot of sense HappyWoman. I think that's why I'm so worried. He's been under a lot of stress and I'm worried that he may be looking for support elsewhere

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 28/10/2008 10:06

so it may not spell the end of your marriage - but he may be scared that you will be hurt to think he has sort support elsewhere.

Please ask him about it - in a rational way if possible. It will put your mind at rest too. If he really does want to end the marriage he will find a way anyway.

Good luck

Original poster
WithDoubtInMind · 28/10/2008 10:12

I will try to ask him, but i think i need to work on myself first. Even if this is all innocent (and people more sensible than me seem to think it is) it has hilighted just how dependant I am on him

OP posts:
RubyShivers · 28/10/2008 10:16

hope you get things sorted WDIM ...

Swipe left for the next trending thread