Struggling to live with in laws feel like ending relationship to escape

[CraftyRoseRobin]

Hi all,
I’ve been with my partner for 6 years we live with his family which include his parents, sister and her 3 children. I moved from Hertfordshire to Yorkshire to be with him. His parents have always expected me to do all the housework and tidy up after everyone. Since having our daughters they have constantly been arguing with me about my parenting and when I don’t do enough around the house. They make comments , have meetings about me and constantly talk bad about anything I do, his mother and father have bullied me and his sister constantly questions him about me. They have given me the silent treatment and stopped me from eating in their home to the point i lived off biscuits and hiding takeaways during my pregnancy when i stood up to his mum for trying to hit my child when she was crying for her dad. After they held a meeting with me discussing all the things I’ve done wrong which include keeping a distance from his parents after they kept making horrible comments to me. They also discussed all the things they don’t like about me. My partner asked me what I would like to do and I asked if we could move out. He agreed but 5 months on everyone else has moved on and I’m still here living with them. Whenever i mention moving out he just says dont start this now or gets angry, i cant cope questioning myself everyday whether im doing enough around the house, being a good mother to my daughters and wondering if im doing anything wrong and feeling like im walking on egg shells. For the most part our relationship has been amazing but his family is causing a strain on us. Is it time to end the relationship. I currently dont work but we receive benefits do i leave and get a place of my own with my children or try working things out. Sorry for the long thread im really out of ideas and struggling

Bump

Why are you on benefits when your husband works and youre housed?

As per PP, why are you living like this? What did you do before you moved to Yorkshire? You need to get a job, take the DC and leave

Is there a reason why you must live with them? Can’t you and your partner find a place?

To be honest it sounds like a nightmare for you but his parents must be like WTF? They've been housing:

• Their daughter and her 3 kids
• Their son and his partner and their kids

Why did you bother moving to yorkshire if it wasnt to move into your own home with your partner?
Why did you decide not to marry the man you decided to have children with?
What was your situation before you moved to yorkshire?

You’re unhappy.
you’re being abused.
you aren’t able to be a positive role model to your DC.

I think you should leave. Do you have anywhere to go?

Who do you have in Hertfordshire? Is multi generational living something that you want to do? If not then it is time to work out what your options are, choose one, and tell your DH that you will be leaving, and he can come with you or stay with his mum.

What about your family? Where are they? Could you go and stay with them whilst you sort yourself out and decide what you want to do.? This would at least give you a bit of breathing space.

Your relationship certainly isn't 'amazing', and there are children in this mess. Get them out as a matter of priority.

You can't allow your children grow up in a house like this, their little brains learning this is normal.
Would you want your daughters being treated as you are? Because you are their standard.

Is this all you can find to comment on? Child Benefit is a ‘benefit’ that she could be referring to.
OP, from what you’ve written here I suggest you contact a woman’s refuge or even the police. You are being treated appalling.

OP I’m wondering if there’s a cultural dimension here, which means you might benefit from some input specific to that culture. Some of my extended family are from South Asia and lived a really positive version of the setup you are describing. Your setup sounds absolutely horrible and it sounds like the parents are mistreating you. I don’t know how I would parent in this scenario.

What is preventing you and your husband and kids from moving out and finding your own place?

Bound to be a cultural dimension to this. Treating the daughter in law so badly, like a slave to the household, is very common in South Asian communities.
This model of living is rare in Western families.
Just get the heck out, OP. However you can.
This is your one and only life. The fucking audacity of them having MEETINGS about you.
Your husband is useless too.

You aren’t even married by the sounds of it, have multiple children, and are extremely vulnerable financially. He also doesn’t listen to your concerns.

Yes, I would make a goal of leaving.

Would it make sense to seek employment before you exit?

She says her ‘partner’ not husband so unlikely to be south Asian household. But I’m probably wrong!

Eh? Living like this makes no sense op. It doesn’t even sound like you are married, and he sounds like a waste of space. Leave. Rent somewhere. Get a job. Do it now. You only have one life, as do your kids.

What’s stopping you from scooping your kids up and leaving? Where are your family? Would they help you get set up back near home?

We recently went on to universal credit as he was self employed but work hasnt been consistent and he wasn’t earning enough he is currently looking for work.

How old are your children? Are you able to work as well? Maybe see if your parents could help you get out?

You and your children need to leave. If you want to, organise where you are going to and then tell DP that he can join you if he wants to. Or just leave and don't invite him to come along. If he doesn't have a job currently, could you all go back to Hertfordshire?

Is this some sort of cultural expectation? I don't know anyone who would tolerate living with in laws and being treated like shit.

I don't know any blokes who would do it either. I'd have ended this relationship years ago.

Move out - even if it's to a women's refuge. You are currently setting a terrible example of what life is like for women to your daughters by allowing this to happen to you - and to them.

You are being abused

Why are you tolerating being treated this way.

im not sure how to reply individually but to answer most questions, his sister split with her husband last year and moved back here, I ‘m unemployed since having our youngest daughter and my partner has been providing me with money , currently my partner is looking for work hence why we are on universal credit, I am in the process of returning to work but wont be starting work til January, we are in a south Asian household but not married