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Losing faith in my relationship

29 replies

Lina42 · 02/11/2026 09:45

Partner and I have been together 2 and a half years.
Hes 43 and I’m 45 both divorced, he has a high powered job and I work in a shop.
He’s a very quiet man, does not really talk much about himself or life and even less about his 15 year old who I’ve met twice.
He told me he’s going to buy a house so we.can move in together it’s obviously been on the cards from day 1 we both wanted to settle down together.
whenever he’s with his daughter he never asks me to join them and it’s really hurting my feelings as it doesn’t seem coherent with us living together.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GiantSuit · 02/11/2026 09:47

What does he say when you say you’d like to get to know his teenager before potentially moving in with them?

Artworkandcontent · 02/11/2026 09:48

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Wishimaywishimight · 02/11/2026 10:11

None of this sounds very 'joyful'. A very quiet man who says he wants to live with you but hasn't introduced you to his daughter agter 2 and a half years? Are you really excited by the prospect of living with him?

SilverPink · 02/11/2026 10:21

If he’s planning on living with you then you really need to be getting to know his daughter properly as presumably she’ll be visiting him at home? Sounds to me like he’s not that invested and he’s just stringing you along unfortunately

GiantSuit · 02/11/2026 10:26

Wishimaywishimight · 02/11/2026 10:11

None of this sounds very 'joyful'. A very quiet man who says he wants to live with you but hasn't introduced you to his daughter agter 2 and a half years? Are you really excited by the prospect of living with him?

Agreed. I mean, who’d want a relationship with a man who, by the OP’s account, has as his only characteristic a reluctance to ‘talk about himself and life’?

Artworkandcontent · 02/11/2026 11:52

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TraitorOrFaithful · 02/11/2026 11:56

Talk to him OP! Have you asked him how he sees it working when you're living together and it's his contact time with his DD? Have you said you'd like to spend more time with her before that happens?

GreyCarpet · 02/11/2026 12:16

On the child thing, my partner and I got together 5 years ago. We already knew each other as friends and our children were late teens - early 20s at the time so we all met fairly quickly.

It's right that he prioritises his child but if you want a relationship with this man that is more 'family' oriented, which I would imagine happening if you lived together, you will also need to know each other. I mean, his daughter would presumably want to visit him at home where he would live with you?

Personally, I wouldn't see a future with a man who was so reluctant to integrate the two most important parts of/people in his life.

For clarity, my partner and I get together with all of our children and their partners probably twice a year and we see each other's children together without our own children there (eg he and I will go out with just his children or just mine) occasionally. But we also see our own children and spend time with them alone because that's inportant.

I think the biggest issue though is the fact he doesn't communicate or talk about his life/life in general, his daughter, his thoughts and feelings, tbh.

What do you talk about when you're together? Because it's a very lonely life living with someone who doesn't communicate! The emotional connection dwindles, the physical connection dwindles as a result and you end up just being two disconnected people who occupy the same space.

GreyCarpet · 02/11/2026 12:18

Have you ever asked if you can join them? Maybe he thinks you wouldn't be interested or just hasn't thought about it.

TheLastSilverSaint · 02/11/2026 12:33

GiantSuit · 02/11/2026 10:26

Agreed. I mean, who’d want a relationship with a man who, by the OP’s account, has as his only characteristic a reluctance to ‘talk about himself and life’?

I strongly doubt that's his 'only' characteristic. It's just the one she chose to mention because I'm assuming she feels it's relevant to her dilemma.

OP, you sound very passive about all this. You're talking as if this relationship is just a thing that is happening to you. You say your boyfriend has 'told you' he's buying a house for you to live in together. What was the discussion? What did you say about it? Presumably you've discussed finances?

Regarding his daughter, if you don't currently live together, I don't really see why he'd need to invite you when they spend time together. Obviously if she regularly stays at his place, you'll see more of her if you're living together, but I'm sure he'll still want to spend time alone with his daughter and do things with just him and her, because she's his daughter and she's coming to see him rather than you. I think that's pretty normal. How much does he see her? Is it a 50-50 custody thing or the occasional weekend or what? All these things make a difference.

If he doesn't ever talk about his life, what does he talk about? Surely you ask him about his life? Again, you sound oddly passive about this, like you don't have any agency in the conversation. Why aren't you talking to him about your future, how he sees things working with you and his daughter etc?

blackhorsesxx · 02/11/2026 12:34

F

Absobeautely · 02/11/2026 12:42

Not a good idea to become dependent on a boyfriend for housing.

It makes a pleasant change to read about a man who doesn't drag his child into his dating life.

Lina42 · 02/11/2026 13:14

As Far as the financial aspect is concerned we don’t go on fancy dates. We prefer more low key things, I pay my way and have never asked him for anything. I don’t care about his financial position, I love how I feel when I’m with him, he makes me feel like me again after an abusive relationship that lasted 20 years.
we spoke early on about where we wanted the relationship to go. I am very much involved in the house search. The house will of course be in his name and we agreed we would work out a budget for household bills together.

OP posts:
Lina42 · 02/11/2026 13:15

And he sees his daughter roughly 2/3 weekends a month and half of the school holidays

OP posts:
Absobeautely · 02/11/2026 13:29

Lina42 · 02/11/2026 13:14

As Far as the financial aspect is concerned we don’t go on fancy dates. We prefer more low key things, I pay my way and have never asked him for anything. I don’t care about his financial position, I love how I feel when I’m with him, he makes me feel like me again after an abusive relationship that lasted 20 years.
we spoke early on about where we wanted the relationship to go. I am very much involved in the house search. The house will of course be in his name and we agreed we would work out a budget for household bills together.

Don't make yourself dependent on a boyfriend for housing, it's never a good idea.
Either go on the deeds or stay living where you are now.

Artworkandcontent · 02/11/2026 13:30

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Absobeautely · 02/11/2026 13:32

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Their ages are in the original post

suburberphobe · 02/11/2026 13:46

The house will of course be in his name

I agree with PP.

Don't give away your autonomy when it comes to putting a roof over your head.

OneTake · 02/11/2026 13:54

He’s a very quiet man, does not really talk much about himself or life and even less about his 15 year old who I’ve met twice.

🚩🚩🚩

chirrupybird · 02/11/2026 14:00

suburberphobe · 02/11/2026 13:46

The house will of course be in his name

I agree with PP.

Don't give away your autonomy when it comes to putting a roof over your head.

If the OP is renting she will be better off living in his house, if they break up she would go back to renting. If she owns a house and is going to sell it that would be different, but she could invest the money rather than fritter it away.

chirrupybird · 02/11/2026 14:06

I would tell him I would like to get to know his DD and see what he replies, perhaps his DD doesn't want to be involved with his GF if she is close to her mum, or he may not have thought the op would want a relationship with his DD. The only way to find out is to ask, but the DD is nearly grown up so it's not like the op will be the equivalent of a step mum to a child, not really a deal breaker.

SilverPink · 02/11/2026 15:36

House in his name only?! Oh no no no. If you’re living together why aren’t you buying together?
And when is he planning on introducing you properly to his daughter?

Beeburt · 03/11/2026 06:49

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Beeburt · 03/11/2026 06:50

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Beeburt · 03/11/2026 06:51

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