Hi I was just wondering if this is a thing or if any woman have experienced this when a male partner shoves past you / closes doors when stood behind doors or opens cupboard doors when you are stood behind a cupboard door. These events happen infrequently say every 6-8 weeks and not outwardly violent and could be normal just moving past people and opening doors behaviour, so it’s hard to know. Examples are:
- If I’m stood in front drawers in kitchen and he wants to use the drawer, he will push me with both hands out the way so I move about 30-60 cm but he won’t say excuse me.
- I’m stood in hallway doing something and I’m not aware he wants to go past me he will barge into me with his shoulder but not in an outwardly violent way just in a small quick silent shove with subtle undertone of ‘get out of my way’. He doesn't always do this though, it has only happened a few times.
- again only a few times if i’m stood in pantry with door wide open as he walks in kitchen (I think he would know I’m behind door) and he pushed the pantry door hard so I’m pressed up against fridge, it’s not overtly forceful but feels like undertone of quick relatively forceful subtle aggression. He has done this a few times but one time after I turned his music down as baby crying and he kept turning music up to drown out the sound and I kept turning his music off and he was quite annoyed with me and pushed the pantry door into me so feels as though could be linked. I feel he must know as he must feel resistance as door hits into me and most people would then stop but hard to think back and work it out if it happened so quick he couldn’t think.
- if I’m stood next to cupboard he needs open he won’t say excuse me he will open door forcefully so it goes into my face about an inch from my face.
- whilst swimming in deep sea on first holiday he aggressively kept tickling me so I felt unable to tread water and ragged my bikini top forcefully and I remember feeling scared and swimming as fast as I could away from him so hard as almost like he is joking but I feel uncomfortable with it.
There’s other issues in terms of how he never really seemed to care, delayed taking me hospital when in labour by 2.5 hours when in pain, in second labour midwives had a go at him as he kept saying I didn’t need portable gas and air, and how he repeatedly refused to wheel gas and air to toilet for me. He doesn’t help much with child care or housework when he spends about 14 hours a week on his hobbies, and if I ask him for help he will turn it back to me saying I’m nagging him or subtly mock me how I haven’t got friends to meet or hobbies to do. But I stopped asking him for help with kids or housework about almost a year ago. Despite me being healthy BMI he also use to make infrequent comments on my eating as in to shame me for eating, say how I need to do more exercise and say my portion sizes were too big even when I was eating mostly veg or salad but he stopped this since we stopped talking. I’m quiet in the house and don’t talk to him and stopped sleeping with him about a year ago. It really upsets me the physical intimation type incidents and I can’t get my head around it as when I google it nothing like this subtle type behaviour comes up making me feel it could be me fixating or obsessing on this and I feel i need to stop overthinking and obsessing about the relationship. So I wonder if anyone has experienced this subtle infrequent minor physical intimidation that appears with plausible deniability or I’m aware it could be me more overthinking. I am planning to leave in 1-2 years time. but I want to know if ‘it’s a thing’ about the shoving out the way incidents or pushing doors or cupboard door or doors into women as I’m constantly googling and can’t find anything. Thank you in advance for any comments.