Gut feeling about second date?

[daisyydaisyy]

I met a guy off bumble last week and he invited me out to a little piano concert and a couple of pints after. I had a really nice time however he kept making very suggestive jokes, it turned very sexual very quickly. I did say to him god you’re presumptuous aren’t you? We’ve just met! Told me I was very attractive and he can’t wait to get to know me, but it was the amount of the sex jokes! I have no intention of sleeping with a man I’ve just met at all. We have a second date planned for Friday evening, and I said I have to go home early ish as I’m busy Saturday, and I will be going home alone.

I just have this gut feeling that he’s going to be the same again. I’m okay with having a bit of a joke but it became so sexual so quickly. I’m no prude, and I believe sex is important in a relationship but I do not know him!

I don’t know whether to give him the benefit of the doubt that it was just nerves or whatever, or cancel the date. What would you do? I don’t know if I’m put off or not ready to get to know someone or what, I’ve no idea how I feel I just feel a bit weird about dating someone especially someone so forward within the first few hours of meeting me. what do we think? I made no sex jokes at all, he was the one that brought things up first. He also gave me a light tap on the arse while I was in front of him on the steps in the pub. I’ve never had this before so I don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t! I am 30 btw so not exactly that young, just not used to the dating thing.

Omg!
So many red flags.
Block and run.

He’s not interested in dating . He’s not interested in a possible relationship. All he’s interested in is sex . You should have called him out when he tapped your arse . He was testing your boundaries.

I could probably give him the benefit of doubt about suggestive jokes. He could have been nervous, or just had a very different sense of humour to you. However tapping your bum on the first date, would be an instant no from me. I wouldn’t see him again. You don’t touch someone’s bum without consent. Not in 2026! I mean it was never ok back in the day, but anyone who doesn’t clearly understand that’s not acceptable in 2026 is a caveman.

Sounds awful. And boring with all the sex jokes.
Only you know if this is something you can look past.

If only more women would listen to their gut, they wouldn’t be or get into so much trouble!

Go with your gut.
Chuck this Neanderthal back, today!

Thank you everyone!! Just making sure I’m not going mad!

Nail on the head. The "signs" are all there that this isn't going to work out, so nip it in the bud before you waste any more time. He's making it clear what he wants, it's not what you want, so you're not compatible. Simples!

In a way it's good that he was so obvious as it means neither of you waste any more time with each other. It may be why he was the way he was - to suss out whether you'd be into a sexual relationship sooner rather than later.

Just move on.

No respectful person would touch your arse on a first date. That's rude and disgusting.
I agree with the person who said he was testing boundaries, he wanted to see how you'd react.
Remember, they're on their best behavior on the first date so if that was his best then I wouldn't want to find out how worse it gets.

Sex-starved and couldn’t even have the decency to hide it and behave like a normal human being to a woman he’d only just met.

Throw this one back. Next!

Move on. It's simple, text him that you want no contact. He will be controlling and grubby. So, if he is that wonderful, why is he still around? Just date for fun, and someone will come. Just enjoy, both hands on the table, feelings are facts

He sounds awful - ditch the second date!

He also gave me a light tap on the arse while I was in front of him on the steps in the pub.

Creep alert!

What did you do when he tapped your arse?

I wouldn’t be going on a second date.

Nope.

He's just looking for a hook up, run

For heaven’s sake, OP, that’s when you say ‘Ugh, I’m off, Sex-Starved Steve’, and leave in the middle of the piano concert. I can’t believe you’d even contemplate a second date, when you’re already having to tell this idiot that you won’t be shagging him.

If a total stranger smacked me on the ass on a first date, the date would end there. Why is your bar so low???

Trust your gut. He’s not going to improve.

This 100%

So I text him this: Hi. Just wanted to let you know that I’m not up for Friday. The date on Sunday was lovely but there’s a few behaviours of yours that really put me off - the sexual jokes and tapping me on the bum as I’m going up the stairs made me feel uncomfortable and ultimately are the reason I don’t think this should go any further.

he proceeded to tell me that the bum thing was “just a joke” and I “continued the date so he’s surprised I’m saying this now but okay. I’m sorry you feel that way”

not “sorry I made you uncomfortable”

knob.

the thing is, when he tapped me on the arse I did say “woah bit soon for that!” And I said he was too forward on the date.

I know I am too nice and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt but I didn’t like it and something was off. A lot of women have the fear of saying no, I know I do, because I don’t like how they react sometimes. But at least he’s thrown back now!! Thanks everyone x

Well, good that you didn’t waste any more of your time on this, but at 30 you should be able to say no, and maintain boundaries, otherwise you shouldn’t be dating. ‘Too nice’ is just an attempt to rebrand ‘people-pleasing’.

I get what you are saying and I’m actively working on it! But I think people should be allowed to date. With my ex I never had to do this, he just knew how to be respectful. So I am not used to it as I said in my OP.

But you can’t rely on only meeting men who are ‘respectful’. You’re meeting total strangers. You can’t just hope they won’t do anything that crosses boundaries.

Good for you op! Men like this just come across as desperate for sex