Jealous mums

[Jasmine205]

Hi everyone does anyone have any insights on how a mum can be jealous of her only daughter? Any experiences or insights into understanding this behaviour would be appreciated!

I’m an only daughter of a mother who seems to be in constant competition with me. If anyone compliments me she will make a comment to insult me in front of them. She is also incredibly jealous if my dad is nice to me or gives me attention and says means things about me to him. She always sides with anyone who has disrespected me when I know that mums usually defend their kids. She also praises her friends daughters and constantly puts me down.

I’m complimented by strangers but never my own mum. Her friends all say they wish they had a daughter who is as kind as me as I do anything I can for my mum but all I get in return is hate. Even the way she looks at me puts a shiver down my spine it is just so full of hate. When I was born she refused to see me as she had wanted a boy and she used to tell she hated me and never wanted me. Also that I was ugly and crazy which was especially hurtful as a small child. All she seems to care about is money to be honest. She married my dad for his wealth and spent all her time at the hairdresser’s and shopping and showing off to her friends. Now she is not as attractive as she used to be and my dad has left her she has taken out all her anger on me more. It’s as if she blames me for her life.

Does anyone know why she is like this? Is it possible to hate your own daughter and why is that? I’m a young mum to 2 girls that I adore so now that I’m a mum I just can’t make sense of it and it’s something that I can’t get over. Thanks

Take a look at this thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5571390-august-2026-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

💐

That sounds terrible. She definitely has a personality disorder. As hard as it sounds don’t let her hurt you anymore the issue is with her not you. All the best

My mother is exactly the same

I think (well,I'm 100% sure but can't prove it) that she's a narcissist

She acted like she was unbelievably jealous of me/anything good that happened in my life and ruined every single special occasion

Google 'narcissist mother'

Best thing I ever did was go no contact-she's turned my whole family and a lot of other people against me with her lies (it's called a smear campaign-i have people ive never met who hate me) but they don't matter

The people who love me do matter

Google 'flying monkey' 'smear campaign' 'grey rock' and 'golden child/scapegoat'

It's hard but sometimes we don't get the mother we deserve

I think you’re asking the wrong question here.

Sadly, there are mentally sick people in the world and you've bore the brunt of having one of them as a parent.

You have no control over that, but you do have control of no longer subjecting yourself to mistreatment. If you choose to not block her from your life, at the very least, you can leave her presence or hang up the phone the second she verbally abuses you, or ask her to leave your house. That teaches a person how to treat you. If they mistreat you, there will be consequences.

Being blood relatives doesn't mean a person bears any rights to stay in your life. Many people have chosen peace by barring any further connection to certain relatives. It's quite common. That leaves more room to pour time and emotional energy into friends and other relatives who deserve it. Take care.

Unfortunately, lots of narcissistic mothers are jealous of their own daughters. She won't ever change so the only thing that you can do is pull right back and stop seeing her. She is a dangerous person to be around your own daughters as she will either treat them the way she treats you or she may try and turn at least one of them against you. She certainly can't be trusted to be a kind and loving grandmother.

You owe her nothing so don't feel guilty for cutting her off. You need to do this to protect yourself and your daughters.

Thanks yes I agree. I’m just trying to understand how a mother can feel like that towards her own daughter I just don’t understand what causes someone to be like this

Mariah careys mother was jealous of her success as a muscian.

OP is your mum my mum?
They are exactly the same right down to the last details.
I have in the past few years of having contact with her come to realise many things.
Years ago (im 44 now) she would act very strangely towards me when I had a new boyfriend, always referring to him in sarcastic tones and demanding that we do not "canoodle" in front of her, which i would never do!
Oddly still if my new boyfriend had s car she would seem even more jealous and bitter about my relationship with the man, I honestly can't work out why she would act or feel this way.
She was vile to my dad too. Really vile.
Jealous of anyone she deemed to have nice things/looks/money when to be fair her "lot" in life was above average, my dad worked hard and earned well (fabulous dad too, loved him dearly) she had horses, we had a family car, holidays and a decent house.
I can't understand the jealousy. I have a 7 year old daughter and can't imagine for a second that I would ever be jealous of her in any way!
I think she missed being young and dating as she married me dad aged 17, saw me freely dating and going places and felt resentful subsequently.
She once actually punched me in the head as I borrowed some sandals from her and wore them to stay at my then boyfriends house for the night ( was unplanned and the shoes were returned undamaged) such was her jealousy.
And don't get me started on her comments about my fluctuating weight over the years culminating in her announcing to the whole family on Christmas day that I was obese (I was overweight 5ft 6in and 13 stone)
My dad told her to put a bloody lid on it and stop being so nasty! They separated soon after this.
Not spoken to her since 2018, don't even know where she lives.
She has never met my youngest and has never bothered with my other 2 children (16 and 26) no birthday/Christmas cards etc
The most unmaternal woman i have ever known
I feel you OP

Wow I can relate so much thanks a lot for sharing as I’ve not come across anyone in a similar situation before. So sorry but at least it’s taught us to be great mums to your own kids! Best of luck 🩷

Her friends all say they wish they had a daughter who is as kind as me as I do anything I can for my mum but all I get in return is hate

Please stop being kind to your hateful mum and start being kind to yourself.
Stop helping her. She'll soon realise what she's missing and start trying to charm you back, but she doesn't deserve you.

I understand you've got low self-esteem due to your mum's treatment of you, but you need to start being kinder to yourself and start only hanging out with people who are not abusive to you.

You need to distance yourself from your mum instead of trying to win her approval which you will never get because she's nasty.

Thanks yes I will have to do that as there’s no point trying to gain her love.