What type of man do I need to look for here?

[KeepUpWithTheCarbHashBrowns]

This is all anonymous so I’ll be really honest and frank.

I love warm brown eyes. Soft features. I am 5’4. Don’t really care about height. I’d date anyone slightly taller than me (so about 5’6+). My ex husband was 6’4 and I won’t be too graphic but it’s actually a bit too tall for me, preference wise.

I am a kind woman. Look a bit like a mix between Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson. Hourglass figure with boobs and bum. I am 29 next week. I own my own 3 bedroom, modern home, nice area. Good amenities and in the South East 😀

I have two daughters age 5 and 9. I am divorced.

I am looking for a kind, good looking face that is 5’6+. Not massively bothered about what job they have. Not after cash. Just chemistry and compatibility.

Every man I am keen on and start up with seems genuinely shocked I am after them, is flattered, sort of pursues me back and then ghosts me or the effort just dries up and they take 5 working days to reply after a good start.

Is it age? I am looking at ages 25-32. I think a lot of this is the fact I have kids. The single male lifestyle nowadays is just so many worlds away and understandably, these men 9 times out of 10 still live at home. This doesn’t bother me! But seems to bother them, without them actually saying so.

I have only gone through about 4 or 5 dates so maybe I am just drawing short straws. But it’s so bloody bleak! I can’t understand where I’m going wrong

I know it’s not really a ‘me’ issue, but it is starting to take a whack to my self esteem so I have deleted all apps and put a complete pause on dating for a while now

My lovely friend who is much older than me suggests dating older. She thinks at least 35+. Especially since younger people today usually don’t have the set up for my lifestyle and probably find it far too daunting and don’t have the capacity.

I do think my own age group come across as particularly young now

Just to clarify that of course these men have never met my children! But they just know about them of course

You need a genuine man who likes you for you. Definitely don't tell any men you own your own house.

You’ve gone on five dates, OP. If you’re finding it this bleak and undermining, already, maybe online dating isn’t for you?

I haven’t, but they usually add me on Instagram and can see my renovation account

Gosh, is 5 potential matches with actual dates/second/third dates not considered a lot?!

I do think my own age group come across as particularly young now

Yes, you're at different stages of life. Your children are half grown up but you're still in your twenties. The men who've rejected you are probably looking for women they could start a family with.

(I think you and your lovely friend know all this, except that you've also written "I can't understand where I'm going wrong".)

To be fair everything you've said on here would likely attract the wrong people, you're young, fit, have your own house, divorced, not bothered if they a earn decent wage...that will attract all the wrong people, the spongers if you like. I don't know how much disclosure there is when you are dating but i would almost certainly hold back on selling any of those benefits...by the sounds of it you should have no problem at all attracting a man, where you find them though is another story altogether, i mean where do you find partners these days?, i'm 50 and thinking if i left my current relationship how would i find someone new, i really don't know is the answer but i wouldn't be trawling the dating apps full of people that just want a bit of fun on the side.

I met my wife online and to be fair we've had a good 20 odd years out of it so i'm not saying good people don't exist on the dating sites but looking around at other peoples experiences i have to assume i just got lucky. I would probably join some groups or something and try to meet people with similar interests to me i guess.

Good luck with your search, although i value companionship and intimacy, i do question at times whether life would be better as a single.

So is the answer to do what she suggested, date 35+?

Not in the scheme of things doing OLD, no, I would say. I also think you’re put of step with the men you’re choosing, if they’re mostly still living at home, and are probably thinking of children as something they might have way down the line, whereas you have a child not far off secondary school ! Be fussier!

You might might meet someone, BUT men 35+ are probably looking to marry and start their own families- unfortunately not taking on other children for a previous marriage

The poster previous to you said men 25-32 (the age range I’ve been dating) are being put off because it’s too much, they live at home, and children are way down the line still

And you say the 35+ range are being put off because they’re looking to start a family

Is it 40+ then? 😬

I think a lot of 29-30 year old men (and women too for that matter) are looking for someone with no children.

A woman with 2 kids has seen it all and done it all and it kind of takes the experience away from the man if the wedding isn't the first and the house isn't the first and the child isn't the first and he has to pay for a child that's not his and discipline a child thats not his and be responsible for it, not to mention dealing with the childs father in their life. It's like it's just too much hassle and a 29 year old without kids would be so much easier to date.

Any chance of getting back with your ex? What happened there?

Bloody hell, are prospects really so bleak that you’d ask if there’s any chance of getting back with my ex? 😂

I am divorced, and like most people for good reason!

It’s more how someone treats you and whether or not you have the same values that determines relationship success, rather than brown eyes.

Sorry to say that very few men who don’t already have their own children will want someone who brings two children to a relationship. If he’s handsome and cool and interested, I’d be very wary, he’s probably just looking for sex with you (or worse, your kids.)
You need a strong radar for decent/not decent in your position. May be easier to attract another dad long term.

Just out of interest, how is your ex doing now dating wise?

No, definitely not a lot! I think you should broaden your age range. Also i wouldn't date anyone that's never moved out of thier parents, you need an independent man not someone who's looking for a 2nd mummy with sex and accommodation thrown in.

He has a long term girlfriend of about a year, nice lady, she just recently met our daughters. She is about a year older than me and no DC

See, even the men with kids prefer a woman without kids.

Thats what you call double standards.

I would think most 25 year olds don't have children on their wish list for years yet, so taking on primary aged kids not theirs is a huge ask, and one a lot won't be prepared for or want.

I'd set your start range from maybe 30 and up to around 40. Five matches isn't much at all for online dating. Some women date scores of men before they find anyone remotely nice.

Hmm I would agree but he had a short 6 month relationship previous to this newer woman of a year. She was a mum with 2 kids but cheated on him with her own ex sadly

I said 25-32 on my OP as that’s what the age range is set to on the apps. But, all the men I’ve actually been on date(s) with are all coincidentally 30 and 31

So whats the problem then? Those men are in your requested age range so i'm assuming there are other issues here. Were none of the 5 suitable for long term dating?

You and the rest of us! We all want a hero with cute brown eyes who is good in bed and earns decent money. We have to take what we can get

Well, from what the OP says, they went cold on her.

I said I didn’t care about money or height. Will literally just take a nice face and short

I suppose my confusion, if I’m being frank, is how hard it is to find someone despite still being you and attractive, once you have DC and get divorced. Because it sounds like something from an abusers playbook ‘nobody will want you now’