Should I find a fwb?

[JellyCakey]

Im a single mum and due to circumstances I haven’t been able to date properly, I was thinking of a friends with benefits but I’ve had them in the past (before kids) and always developed feelings, if you have a fwb how do you make sure you don’t develop any feelings, is it even possible?

It's a personal thing. You sound like you emotionally bond when you have sex with someone, so a casual, no strings, sex only FWB thing isn't going to work for you.

I'm someone that bonds easily via sex but I did have one FWB that stayed that way- basically it was someone that I was attracted enough to sleep with and liked his personality enough to be around and we could have a nice time together, but I wasn't wildly attracted to him and there was a particular part of his personality that I found really obnoxious and would just never ever want to actually be with long term. It actually worked well for both of us whilst it was going (and ended amicably when I got to a stage that I wanted to start a real relationship).

thanks, did you meet online?

I think its impossible for this to happen for a woman. When they sleep with a guy they are tuned into him for life. A guy can sleep with a woman and let go, but the woman clings on emotionally to that guy. I think you should work on marriage.

@Prycejosh1987

I think it’s impossible for this to happen for a woman. When they sleep with a guy they are tuned into him for life. A guy can sleep with a woman and let go, but the woman clings on emotionally to that guy. I think you should work on marriage

Okey dokey 🙄

Nah pal, that's your ego running away with you 😆

Things like this are why we need the 🤣 button back.

🤡

Lol I'm living proof this is not true. Definitely some people that do get attached from it, but I've had plenty of no strings sex and kept it with no emotions. The only time I want to see them again is if the sex is. Great

Yep, basically this - I have a FWB who I'm attracted to and he's amazing in bed but he's got almost no social skills and we have nothing in common. There's not a lot of conversation (that suits us both) and we don't hang out except for sex - there's no chance I'm going to develop feelings for him.

Yeah, good old Tinder. To be honest we didn't meet with the intention of being FWB so hadn't discussed it beforehand or anything, we had a date and I knew pretty quickly I wouldn't want a relationship with him but I had been recently divorced and not slept with anyone for a long time. We had sex and it was good but I knew I wouldn't want anything more with him so suggested a casual thing which he was happy with as well.

I had ONE fwb where neither side caught feelings. He was a friend from uni I reconnected with. We really liked and cared about eachother as friends but not romantically. But the sex was fab. So odd.

Why is it odd though. If the sex is good and you're both happy then go for it

I wouldn't do this. You say you tend to get attached. Knowing that, it seems you'd just be setting yourself up for misery. But if you have time for FWB, why not just look for a boyfriend? At least then you have a better shot at making a good match with someone who also wants you.

No I mean it was so odd that he was gorgeous, lovely, was very kind to me and great in bed and yet.... No butterflies? I like him very much but wouldn't want to be his partner. I wonder what the missing piece was!

AHH my mistake, I interpreted it wrong. I've had a few similar scenarios with some friends I've ended up sleeping with. For me think it's because I saw them as a friend first

Haha he'll make a lucky woman very happy.

Meanwhile I married my beloved weirdo of a DH 😁

Having time for a bf and having time for a fwb are two very different things

Also have a weirdo, but think that comes out because we are so comfortable together. Have definitely had other people who on paper might tick more boxes but dh is the one for me

I think that ship has sailed tbh 😂

Lol, if she was going to try and work on the marriage I don't think considering a fwb would be on the cards

If you get attached, then FWB is not for you. You'd find it hard knowing they were sleeping with other people.

The way you stop from getting attached to an FWB is to be so abused and traumatised from a long and terrible marriage that all real relationships seem threatening and terrifying. Once you have lost all faith, relationships and commitment seem boring and pointless at best, but mostly sinister and ominous. This method worked a treat for me!! I've had an FWB for 4.5 years. He's good-looking and great in bed. The most intense sexual experiences I've ever had. Even after all this time, I'm fond of him but that's all, and I keep him somewhat at arm's length.

Before my marriage, I would never, ever have been able to do it.

So. That's how. Be so horribly abused that you truly never want another relationship again as long as you live.

I’m the soppiest most limpet-like person, but I had a couple of FWB’s and didn’t get attached. It’s like having a temporary job, you know from the beginning that it’s a maternity cover, and it’s really nice, but you’re calculating from the beginning which month you need to be applying for new jobs.

As long as they provide what you’re looking for and vice versa, then it’s all good. And you might decide you want more of a commitment in which case you ask or you wind it down or you say ‘I’m looking for more and I’m on apps’ and see what the reaction is. Some will be okay with that, some won’t and will want to end it straight away. Speak openly, expect openness back in return.

Well, that’s a very sweet theory and I really hope it warms your cockles at night especially with colder weather on the way.

HOWEVER it’s not actually true. Women might have told you this because it’s a really sweet thing to say though.

But don’t let it put you off if that’s what you’re seeking.

Friends with benefits (plural) work better for me. Although l’m old school, l prefer the term “lovers” Providing you all know the score though, l think it’s nicer to have sex with friends rather than an online meet.