How long did it take you say ‘I love you’

Poppypie22 · 2026-10-13T12:59:37+00:00

I’m in my mid 30’s, have a child (not with DP). How long did it take you say you loved your partner. I know it may sound like a daft question but this is the first ‘normal’ relationship I’ve had. My first we’re very young so of course it was said probably way before it needed to be and my 2 after that, looking back we’re both very toxic, controlling etc so it was said very quickly and before I actually felt to but felt that as they said it, I had to. We’ve been together 4 months. Neither of us has said it yet. I have very strong feelings but don’t feel like it’s love yet…is this normal??

OneShyQuail · 13/10/2026 14:24

There is no normal.

I knew I loved my DP at about 4 months in, the way I felt about him was unlike any other long term relationship id ever been in. I waited for him to say it though as he hadnt had the same long term experience as me and I didnt want him to feel pressured or anything.

He said it at 6 months mark....but well before that he was saying I chose you, which to be honest means more to us....choosing someone every day, on the good and bad days is such a strong, tender message

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 13/10/2026 14:29

Within two weeks we had said it but I knew on our first proper date. It felt so different and being with him felt electric. Been together over 15 years and he still gives me butterflies and he is my absolute best friend. I bloody adore him 🥰

ILoveKits · 13/10/2026 14:31

Second date. He said it first. When you know, you know. Never much been apart since Feb 1989.

Margaritaaahhh · 13/10/2026 14:43

Six hours. He proposed the next day. We've just celebrated our silver wedding.

Sodthesystem · 13/10/2026 14:46

I mean it took me like a year and half or maybe two to say it to my CAT so…
I got walls haha.

moderate · 13/10/2026 14:46

I was in love with my DP before we even got together, although I probably wouldn't have expressed it like that at the time.

I can't remember when we first said it to each other but I can't remember ever wondering whether the time was right either.

It's just a word and it means different things to different people. Actions speak louder.

1983Louise · 13/10/2026 14:52

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 13/10/2026 14:29

Within two weeks we had said it but I knew on our first proper date. It felt so different and being with him felt electric. Been together over 15 years and he still gives me butterflies and he is my absolute best friend. I bloody adore him 🥰

That's so lovely to read, I felt like this with my late husband, enjoy every minute together x

Original poster

Poppypie22 · 13/10/2026 16:15

His actions are great but he’s not much of a ‘saying your feelings’ type so I think that’s why I’m a bit more held back 😂. Thanks all

OP posts:

LittleJustice · 13/10/2026 19:14

Took us over a year. I have walls 🧱 as well 😄

Would be interesting to see if it takes longer for those older (we are mid 50s)

CaNGCNk · 13/10/2026 19:22

It’s interesting how quickly some have said it, first date?? If a guy did that now everyone would say he was love bombing and future faking lol

SwirlingAroundSleep · 13/10/2026 20:48

4 months but I felt it by 3

CountryGirlInTheCity · 13/10/2026 20:55

We’d been dating for three months, friends for a few months longer than that.

We were out together one day and I just knew. Didn’t say anything at the time, just stored it away and reflected on it. The following week he left a note on my door (we were at uni) which said ‘Am I allowed to tell you that I love you?’ I said it right back!

We've been together for nearly 38 years, married for 34…

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 14/10/2026 12:32

I said it about 4 months in. DP had just done this absolutely massive pain in the arse favour for me and I thought to myself "Bloody hell, she must really love me", so I just said it back. She nearly bolted!

It took her better part of a year before she said it back, but it didn't bother me. She showed me constantly that she loved me, so I didn't really think the words were important.

Catscanlookup · 14/10/2026 14:12

I had a real hard time with this with my DP and come out the other side very happy.

I felt like I was able to fall in love with him from before we got together, but not in love at that point exactly. I just saw potential signs of that developing and it drove me towards him rather than pure sexual attraction.

We got together quite easily after I made it clear I liked him. He knew he liked me but kept it to himself as he didn’t know how I felt.

From day 1 it was just a big click and gathered pace rapidly, but then we both hit a strange point about 2 months in. He had been kind of saying he had strong feelings for me from the start, but not clearly enough for me to respond with an ‘I love you’ so we hit an impasse. Often it was when we were apart and he would miss me, he would just beat around the bush with it and I would get confused about the signals or how to respond.

I had been thinking about it for a few weeks and one day when I was about to go on a trip without him, I just sent him a text saying I loved him then put my phone on airplane mode for about 8 hours 😂

When I finally opened his message he said he loved me too.

When I got back he said he thought he had been saying it for ages and I hadn’t responded 😂 so he got confused. He also said he liked to show me love through his actions and found saying I love you hard.

We then didn’t say it to each other again for at least a month, it was really weird. Everything we did was loving and great but nothing was being said. One day I was about to fall asleep and he yelled out ‘I LOVE YOU GOODNIGHT’ and we both started laughing and I said I love you too and that was when we said it face to face.

I notice he tends to use it in sentences rather than directly, so he will say ‘have my last chocolate, because I love you’ or if I do something nice he will say, ‘well you just reminded me why I love you so much’ or things like ‘well it’s because we love each other’.

I think he’s more comfortable with this than gazing into my eyes so I just let him say it in his own way, or show me. Last sunday I picked him up from the pub. He popped into the shop to grab something and ran back with a big bunch of pink flowers and got on one knee at my drivers side window and presented them to me in the middle of the high street. I’d rather he do these things than just say the words.

Original poster

Poppypie22 · 14/10/2026 16:28

@CatscanlookupI feel like this is more how ours will end up coming out 😂. The other night, we were messing around and he said ‘I love you when you smile like that’ and I asked what he said and he said ‘I love it when you smile like that’ and then quickly changed the subject 😂. He’s currently at work and then straight on a work night out and his phones dies so I may take your approach and text it him as I know by the time he’s home and reads it I’ll probably be asleep hahaha

OP posts:

OrlandointheWilderness · 14/10/2026 16:36

I knew on date one. It took us 8 months. Both are cautious and have walls!!
we are now married and been together 6 years.

Catscanlookup · 14/10/2026 16:37

Poppypie22 · 14/10/2026 16:28

@CatscanlookupI feel like this is more how ours will end up coming out 😂. The other night, we were messing around and he said ‘I love you when you smile like that’ and I asked what he said and he said ‘I love it when you smile like that’ and then quickly changed the subject 😂. He’s currently at work and then straight on a work night out and his phones dies so I may take your approach and text it him as I know by the time he’s home and reads it I’ll probably be asleep hahaha

Looking back now he had said this kind of thing so many times like your BF, and assumed it was clear, but yes like in a sentence or really quietly. Once I was walking up his driveway to get into my car with my back turned to him, and I thought I heard him say ‘love you bye’ so I turned around and said sorry did you say something and he just said ‘drive safe!’ 🙄😂.

So me just taking the bull by the horns did help but he isn’t going to start saying it every day because he would rather show me. And show me, he does, which makes me love him more.

So I would say go for it 😉

MidnightMeltdown · 14/10/2026 16:38

I don’t think that you can really love someone after a few months. Anything under about a year is insincere a bit ridiculous imo. Especially if you didn’t know them before you got together.

randomname72 · 14/10/2026 16:59

Three months but knew after 2

Didimum · 14/10/2026 17:01

I’ve had two long term relationships. First one we both said it three months in, him first. Second one, I said it at 6 months and he at 11 months.

Everyone and every relationship is different.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 14/10/2026 17:02

It's obviously very unique to the person. Some people take a while to love or to name the feeling, others recognise it straight away and if it's there it's there. With me it's always happened very fast. I am in the 'if you know you know' camp. Irrespective I never say it first and usually it takes a few months until it's declared.

LifeTakeTwo · 14/10/2026 17:46

It depends what 'love' means to you and to him.

I don't believe it is possible to actually LOVE someone after a few months. Infatuated, smitten etc, yes. But I actually think it takes a few years.

But then how do I define love? My measurement of true love is this:

The person you're with ends up in a horrific accident, loosing their limbs, have facial disfigurement and third degree burns.

They now need a wheelchair and hoist for the rest of their life as well as being spoon fed.

Would you, after 3 months of dating, down tools and become their full-time carer till the day either of you die? Or even if you can't physically logistically care for them, still stay in a committed romantic relationship forever. No holidays because they can't, no meals out, no sex, no real conversations. Just keep visiting week in and week out till either of you die.

Nope? Then that's not true love imo.

In my job I've seen spouses care for their husbands and wives for years. Wiping their bums, blending their food or visiting them several times a week in a home for hours. Even with kids.

That is true love in my opinion. That kinda love has been built up over many years and sees them through the horrific days. They have those years of actual love and commitment behind them.

PDAblues · 14/10/2026 18:55

A year, but we'd known each other for 2 years before we got together. We agreed neither of us would say it to the other unless we knew we wanted to marry.

PDAblues · 14/10/2026 19:08

LifeTakeTwo · 14/10/2026 17:46

It depends what 'love' means to you and to him.

I don't believe it is possible to actually LOVE someone after a few months. Infatuated, smitten etc, yes. But I actually think it takes a few years.

But then how do I define love? My measurement of true love is this:

The person you're with ends up in a horrific accident, loosing their limbs, have facial disfigurement and third degree burns.

They now need a wheelchair and hoist for the rest of their life as well as being spoon fed.

Would you, after 3 months of dating, down tools and become their full-time carer till the day either of you die? Or even if you can't physically logistically care for them, still stay in a committed romantic relationship forever. No holidays because they can't, no meals out, no sex, no real conversations. Just keep visiting week in and week out till either of you die.

Nope? Then that's not true love imo.

In my job I've seen spouses care for their husbands and wives for years. Wiping their bums, blending their food or visiting them several times a week in a home for hours. Even with kids.

That is true love in my opinion. That kinda love has been built up over many years and sees them through the horrific days. They have those years of actual love and commitment behind them.

Yes!

Catscanlookup · 14/10/2026 20:01

@LifeTakeTwo yes I do agree, I think at this stage though it’s an early love not a deep one yet for those reasons but doesn’t make it any less valid. It may be that the love isn’t strong enough to survive something stressful but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean anything, it’s a chance to grow. If you go through life thinking ‘I can’t really love you until one of your legs falls off’ then you won’t be experiencing the journey of love growing over time through these experiences. There are just levels of growth all relationships have to go through, they can’t be compared. Even deep love relationships had to start somewhere