How long did it take you say ‘I love you’

[Poppypie22]

I’m in my mid 30’s, have a child (not with DP). How long did it take you say you loved your partner.

I know it may sound like a daft question but this is the first ‘normal’ relationship I’ve had. My first we’re very young so of course it was said probably way before it needed to be and my 2 after that, looking back we’re both very toxic, controlling etc so it was said very quickly and before I actually felt to but felt that as they said it, I had to.

We’ve been together 4 months. Neither of us has said it yet. I have very strong feelings but don’t feel like it’s love yet…is this normal??

I knew he was my missing jigsaw piece immediately. I was locked down (not literally) from the first date. The ‘I love you’ came at about 3 months and he said it first. 12 years on I hear it every day and it’s still special.

Accidentally after about two weeks, so to cover my tracks I decided the best course of action was to explain in great detail why I didn’t love him.

DP said it to me 3 months in. He was drunk and was on text. I sent back hearts. I wasn’t ready, but knew he was special.

DP understood. He did keep saying it. I probably felt ready 2 months later. I felt I maybe did feel it, but had my walls up and saying it made it real.

I did also nearly have a panic attack when he put me on his car insurance and I saw the word partner written down. That was 1 year later

@Catscanlookup I'm not saying it's valid. It very much is, but it isn't what I'd describe as love per se. I'd say it's infatuation, smitten, crazy about etc. That's how love starts. Then of course you begin 'falling in love'.

To me the process of 'falling in love' is what builds to that deep love.
In my opinion falling in love takes years. Feeling getting deeper, falling further and further in until you arrive at that beautiful deep love. The type where you wouldn't think twice about wiping their bum if you really had too lol.

Of course hopefully you'd never be in that kind of position. But for me the 'love' test is what you do those circumstances. If you'd walk away, you weren't in love. Smitten with them, yes, in love, no. Hence the marriage vows (sickness and health, richer or poorer etc).

Again it's just my opinion. Everyone defines love differently. I think it's easy to confuse 'i really really really like you' with 'i love you".

I would do those acts of self sacrifice of love for my children, my mother, two lifelong friends. But a boyfriend/partner? If they were my husband and I was in love with them, then yes of course. But a guy of 6 months. No.

We all define it differently.

5 months, he said it first and I said it back maybe a week later. Been together 11 years, we’re 44 and 46.

After one week! We had known each other as friends for 10 months, finally got together and then declared our love after a week. We’ve now been together 26 years.

Two, three months? I can’t quite remember. I know it wasn’t all that long before we said it. I said it first, he said it back straight away. For me, love is this fluid thing that grows (and sometimes fails!!) and changes all the time. I didn’t love DH then like I love him now, of course I didn’t, but I loved him nonetheless. It’s just much deeper now.

I told my husband I loved him before we even got together, but we were good friends for a long time before that, so I guess that's a little different.

I understand that some people feel vulnerable sharing their feelings, but I feel safer just saying it exactly as it is. Then everyone knows where they stand. We'd discussed our views on marriage and kids within weeks of being together - some may think that's a bit intense, but at least we knew we were on the same page, unlike my SIL who broke up with her partner after finding out 4 years into their relationship that he wanted marriage and kids, things she didn't ever want but they just never considered discussing.

3 months, I was 15! I don’t know if I was or not, but we’ve been together nearly 20 years now

I tend to know by 2m. Can't remember how soon it was said.

I'm totally okay with those words being said even as it's in the early stages and we know it's a crush/infatuation. Who cares if it's not technically a deeper love yet? It's nice to hear.

@LifeTakeTwo yes and even 6 months in I’ve sat with him while he’s thrown up with a bug, and helped him, I didn’t even think twice about doing it precisely because I love him. I’m excited about it getting deeper, that’s the point of it you are building towards, laying a foundation.

Smitten and lust is when I glance over at him and think hmm what handsome man, love is felt more when he’s throwing up in a bowl at 2am, and I am rubbing his back and wishing he didn’t feel as shit, or he’s had a bad day and I instinctively make him a cup of tea and squeeze his hand while he decompresses, when he sees something that reminds him of his dad and he feels sad, or when we have had a disagreement and are trying to understand each other.

I agree love isn’t seen in the good times, it’s in the bad, I can obviously feel head over heels in love with him when we are both out on a glamorous date, but I’ve felt most connected and in love with him in the bad, vulnerable moments, which are far more intimate and you see the real person. Often 6 months in people are still technically dating, but I almost live with DP at this stage and although we go do fun things, we also do a lot of mundane things like laundry and cleaning together. I think it depends on the dynamic you have created as it can be based on a range of different situations and depth. I’m not saying I am 20 years deep into our love and it can’t be compared I actually do agree, it’s just not a blanket statement that early days can’t experience the bad sides too

About 5 months.

I told him I was in love with him before we even considered ever being an item. We got together that night and have been for 15 years.

We were good friends for years and there was always an unspoken connection.

4 weeks. We were 18 though. Together 13 years now.

Three weeks and proposed at 6 weeks. However, we didn't announce the wedding for 8 months. Been married 25 years and still love each other very deeply.