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Original poster

Caught my boyfriend on dating apps twice

50 replies

Tfsgirl · 12/10/2026 22:13

Hi everyone,
I have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year.
He is a decent hard working guy and has not had much time to visit me - I have visited him 5 times since January. In May, a friend found him on a dating app. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said maybe we should have a conversation about being exclusive. He apologized and hid but did not delete his profile. We agreed to be exclusive- even though I thought we already were.
A few weeks ago after starting to feel things were a little ‘off’ - I found a new dating profile he had made that appears to have been active for a couple of months.
i said I couldn’t accept the deceit a second time and said we should end our relationship.
He then wrote that he loved me (he has never told me this before) that he wanted to spend more time with me and support me financially and that he only went online for validation.
after much deliberation - I decided to break up with him.
He then sent me another email saying he had never cheated and that I had probably met someone else, which is why I have broken up with him.
i know he is hurting and a part of me wants to believe that he wants to build a life with me and I am scared I will not meet anyone else (I am 50)
I wanted to break up with him but now that I have,I am worried that I have been too hasty.
Thanks for listening x

OP posts:
Ilovemyshed · Yesterday 18:07

Stop press. He is not a “decent” bloke.

Sodthesystem · Yesterday 18:12

Yeah he’s not your boyfriend. He’s the communal boyfriend.
And he’s a shit one.

theonlygirl · Yesterday 18:31

There are some men who enjoy messing with women. It's like a sport to them. This man is one of those men. He is probably married, you are the OW and he also dates. Don't go back for more.

Laura95167 · Yesterday 18:32

If i was being very very generous... once is an accident twice is on purpose

If he needs you to be the villain in his story so be it. Keep moving forward

OffTheMap · Yesterday 18:34

On dating apps.

Twice.

In the bin.

Threerandomword · Yesterday 18:35

Definitely bin off. You are better off with a relationship with a buzzy friend .. 😆

Nopersbro · Yesterday 18:43

You haven't been too hasty in ending things. You gave him the benefit of the doubt when the possibility existed that his behaviour that deeply upset you and seemed dishonest might be due to a miscommunication or misunderstanding - you thought the relationship was exclusive, he thought it was open. The two of you talked, agreed it is now exclusive, and proceeded. But he, even after that conversation, continued acting as if the relationship was open, and continued to do the activity he had apologised for and agreed to stop while hiding that fact from you. What reasonable alternative could there have been for you but to end things and cut him out of your life so you can move on?

Dancingintherain09 · Yesterday 18:46

sherbetlemonade · 12/10/2026 22:17

So now he's accusing you of cheating and that's the reason you broke up with him?

Stuff that, he's a manipulative shit who's trying to make you doubt your decision to dump him.

It's classic projection techniques.

BeGutsyGoldMoose · Yesterday 18:58

I think you deserve much better OP. Don't succumb to his love bombing messages. Block his number and on socials and move on. He's a user.

Greenwriter76 · Yesterday 19:22

No-one works so much they don’t get time to see their partner - a decent partner who actually cares for you & is invested in the relationship makes the time, long distance or not. A decent partner also does not put themselves on dating sites if they are in a relationship with you - not once let alone twice. Forget him OP, you’re well rid.

Donnaslayer · Yesterday 19:33

Here’s another way to look at it: it all depends on your boundaries. If you're happy with a non-exclusive setup, ask yourself if he makes you happy, treats you well, and if you enjoy his company when you see him?

Also, clarify what "financial support" actually means - rent, a car, gifts? A pragmatic way to look at it, if you prioritie material stability or financial security those benefits can definitely weigh in how to evaluate this relationship as long as they are forthcoming.

Id say if you're getting what you want out of it when you see him, keep it going for now. Just don't fool yourself - he is a player and doesn't love you! He’s just saying that to keep you in his life. If you're okay with that arrangement, keep him around as a side piece and keep dating until you find someone right for you. Always use condoms - non-negotiable! Just remember the golden rule: when the fun stops, stop!

Awkwardisfunny · Yesterday 19:38

Tfsgirl · 12/10/2026 22:13

Hi everyone,
I have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year.
He is a decent hard working guy and has not had much time to visit me - I have visited him 5 times since January. In May, a friend found him on a dating app. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said maybe we should have a conversation about being exclusive. He apologized and hid but did not delete his profile. We agreed to be exclusive- even though I thought we already were.
A few weeks ago after starting to feel things were a little ‘off’ - I found a new dating profile he had made that appears to have been active for a couple of months.
i said I couldn’t accept the deceit a second time and said we should end our relationship.
He then wrote that he loved me (he has never told me this before) that he wanted to spend more time with me and support me financially and that he only went online for validation.
after much deliberation - I decided to break up with him.
He then sent me another email saying he had never cheated and that I had probably met someone else, which is why I have broken up with him.
i know he is hurting and a part of me wants to believe that he wants to build a life with me and I am scared I will not meet anyone else (I am 50)
I wanted to break up with him but now that I have,I am worried that I have been too hasty.
Thanks for listening x

Not reading your full post because the title was enough: dump him immediately.

LouiseK93 · Yesterday 20:06

Hes awful, dump him.
How did you find him on a dating app?

Original poster
Tfsgirl · Yesterday 20:19

I had a suspicion so I searched a username similar to one he had used before. Dumb luck I found it. The first time a girlfriend found him as he had his photo posted……

OP posts:
OMGDidYouSayThat · Yesterday 20:31

Setup a fake profile on the same dating site and arrange a date 😂

MMUmum · Yesterday 20:38

Tfsgirl · 12/10/2026 22:13

Hi everyone,
I have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year.
He is a decent hard working guy and has not had much time to visit me - I have visited him 5 times since January. In May, a friend found him on a dating app. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said maybe we should have a conversation about being exclusive. He apologized and hid but did not delete his profile. We agreed to be exclusive- even though I thought we already were.
A few weeks ago after starting to feel things were a little ‘off’ - I found a new dating profile he had made that appears to have been active for a couple of months.
i said I couldn’t accept the deceit a second time and said we should end our relationship.
He then wrote that he loved me (he has never told me this before) that he wanted to spend more time with me and support me financially and that he only went online for validation.
after much deliberation - I decided to break up with him.
He then sent me another email saying he had never cheated and that I had probably met someone else, which is why I have broken up with him.
i know he is hurting and a part of me wants to believe that he wants to build a life with me and I am scared I will not meet anyone else (I am 50)
I wanted to break up with him but now that I have,I am worried that I have been too hasty.
Thanks for listening x

He's a player Op, don't look back, move forward without him. Never think you are only worth the crumbs from someone's table

GrumblingGeek · Yesterday 20:45

dodged a bullet.
plenty more guys out there.
whats for you will no go by you.
you did the right thing. he can’t be trusted.

Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 20:48

Tfsgirl · 12/10/2026 22:15

Thanks

ffs
dump
move on
next

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · Yesterday 21:16

So you’ve seen him approximately 5 times since January? And he’s potentially cheated twice in this time.

And you need to ask?

🤯

Barbarella73 · Yesterday 21:30

My god woman - how can you not have more sense at your age? You are not some dumb ingenue. Financial support 😂. Have you actually seen any?
He is all talk with no follow through. If that’s what you are looking for it’s easy to find nearer to home.

Peachesses · Yesterday 21:43

You’re 50?? What the actual fuck?!

Dancingintherain09 · Yesterday 22:03

Yep 2nd this. catfish the Fooker

Imbusytodaysorry · Yesterday 22:18

@Tfsgirl its all words ! He has had 9 months to shows he is bothered. Are you not annoyed he is too busy dating to make the effort to spend time witH you ?
Funny how he loves you now. He will
never be faithful and is projecting his bad behaviour towards you .

TheGladAzureBiscuit · Today 00:42

No. - your instincts are correct, finish the relationship and don’t look back. You deserve much better and even being alone is better than settling for a lazy, lying cheater who can’t even make time to come to see you, does not respect you let alone love you and tries to deflect from his own bad behaviour by blaming you!

ByLilacMember · Today 00:46

It would be quite mad to take him back again as he is actively looking for other women

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