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Original poster

At my wits end with adhd partner

9 replies

dillpickle2025 · 12/10/2026 19:18

As title says.. my partner is not diagnosed adhd but has all the traits of it, he’s super intelligent, gift of the gab type of guy, loves sport played football all his life, and in his profession he sees so many people every day which he loves. He’s a fun dad to our toddler but unfortunately has to be micromanaged on everything, to the point where we end just arguing nearly everyday because I feel like I’m looking after two kids. He can completely forget that things exist in our house that need tending to, it doesn’t cross his mind to maybe see if the nappy needs changing, if baby’s hungry etc years ago he could sit all day watching telly or play Xbox and forget to eat. We clash so badly now because I’m made to feel like I pick on hi
and he’s always sorry but I don’t need to hear sorrys anymore 💀 I can briefly mention something about a toy that our toddler might like that I saw on vinted and next thing I know he’s hyper focused on his phone and suddenly there’s a dozen of those toys getting delivered. He’s so driven by dopamine and stuff that excites. He talks at me never actually listens to me, he’s intense to the point I don’t want to be in the house with him sometimes. Then other days he’s so reclusive I think somethings wrong with him. I feel so angry/ tired/ resentful sometimes I seriously feel like he’s dimmed my light as I have to be on top of everything constantly
sorry a bit of a rant but I’m so tired of it 😪

OP posts:
something2say · 12/10/2026 19:20

Ahh I hear you xxx

How can you minimise the impact on you while not completely exiting your marriage? Or are you thinking of that? It may be that you have indeed had enough and the door is the only thing that will ease it for you properly? Not nice tho xx

Original poster
dillpickle2025 · 12/10/2026 19:28

something2say · 12/10/2026 19:20

Ahh I hear you xxx

How can you minimise the impact on you while not completely exiting your marriage? Or are you thinking of that? It may be that you have indeed had enough and the door is the only thing that will ease it for you properly? Not nice tho xx

We’re not married, we’ve been together such a long time I basically grew up with him I. My early 20s, I just accepted it back the. And rolled with it as I was young and tried keeping up with him and his ways but now I’m so over it. I’m knackered. I’m hoping that maybe once our toddler is older he’ll finally try spend more time with him and channel that pent up energy towards that but our relationship is in tatters. I’ve tried speaking to him logically, I’ve snapped at him which seems to make him panic and actually do stuff but that lasts about a couple of days. He’s scared of doing new things and lives in the past and that’s fine for him but not me 😩 I’m a very anxious person and he knew that from day 1 I manage it well with a hiccup there and there but mostly I keep my head down and get on with it but sometimes I wonder if the dynamic is making me more nervy.

OP posts:
something2say · 12/10/2026 19:30

I would agree with that, is it time to call it do you think? Sad as that is. If this is who he is, he is unlikely, or even unable to change. Are you thinking of splitting up with him?

Mmhmmn · 12/10/2026 19:38

If you’re done, you’re done, it’s reason enough. It’s not as if you haven’t tried. Just an observation but I think people just get MORE like themselves as they get older ….obviously your kids will more likely than not be LESS of an effort to care for and that might balance things out but only you know what you can live with, long term.

Original poster
dillpickle2025 · 12/10/2026 19:49

I honestly don’t know anymore. I even feel terrible for venting online. He always remembers birthdays and stuff like that and seems to ‘operate’ best as a human when under pressure. He had very harsh disciplined upbringing and was made to feel even being very best is still not good enough. He don’t drink or smoke but eats and drinks so much sugar to just feel something, he would sit all day watching telly if he could just so he doesn’t have to think. It’s sad really. He woke up on Sunday just gone and as usual watched me feed our toddler breakfast and I could see he was full of beans with his leg constantly moving up and down. Any subject we talk about turns into some deep psychological convo. I’ve said to him he’s so wasted on me because I just can’t match this vibe anymore.

OP posts:
GiantRoadPuzzle · 12/10/2026 20:08

My DH has ADHD and is now medicated which has made a huge difference. We have had an incredibly tough couple of years but seem to be coming out the other side.

The diagnosis has helped us name what it is, and also leaning into research that he isn’t deliberately doing or not doing these things. We have structured our entire routine and household around ND affirming ways (eldest DC likely is too). I have spent a lot of time listening to podcasts and audiobooks about being a partner to someone with ADHD.

i do grieve for the life and relationship I expected to have sometimes, but I’m also not perfect and what we’ve built to me currently outweighs the hard times.

Yo808 · 12/10/2026 20:28

Sounds like a good guy and good dad. Buys things for your kid when you mention it, that’s bad ?
He has adhd and you have anxiety, wonder if he posts somewhere about your anxiety and wanting to leave.

BibbityBoppityTwo · 13/10/2026 01:21

Kick his arse to a psychiatrist and get him diagnosed. Medication can make a world of difference. I say this as a woman with ADHD with a partner who also has ADHD.

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