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Should I reach out to “former” mistress?

32 replies

Flatwhiteeveryday · Yesterday 19:21

Long story short, or at least I will try to aim for it. I was in a relationship, almost a year when my ex boyfriend got busted that he had had another woman pretty much the whole time while we were exclusively together. There were signs a few times but I had left it there, until there were more and more signs and I decided to reach out to the woman who admitted the affair between them, and it was happening pretty much the whole time during our relationship. Obviously, we then broke up, but after a while he started to reach out to me again and was really committed to prove me that “I am his only one” so we kind of reconnected. Yes, I know how stupid I am, but I gave it a go. Since then, we had some ups and downs, but we have been seeing each other for a little while now. I know that these two have been in touch and messaging sometimes, but as per my ex says, nothing romantic. I have a gut feeling that there is more to this, and I told him that I would reach out to the woman again to find out the truth. He seemed quite panicky and said things that didn’t exactly feel very nice, almost like he wants to suddenly end things with me. I know it may make me look stupid, but I am really leaning towards reaching out to her to find the truth out. I have a feeling that he is keeping both of us, and he is worried that if I reached out to her, he would end things with him as well.
I am pretty much alone in this, please help me! What would you do?

OP posts:
Wildgoat · Yesterday 21:33

Cmon you know tbe answer to this. What do you mean chatting to this girl. You know full well she’s his girlfriend and he’s got back with you as his mistress.

malefields · Yesterday 21:46

Flatwhiteeveryday · Yesterday 20:50

agreed! I am really not happy, and I told him this a few times, he says he has feelings for me but doesn’t really look like it if he is keep chatting with this girl. I will need to get a grip and put an end to this finally, because I am just wasting my own time!

Each person has their own limits and boundaries and I’m sure some will think I’m crazy, but when we decided to get back together my boundaries were no contact with her (obviously) but also no contact with anyone adjacent to her or hanging out in the place where all this crowd hangs out. The whole situation needs to be cut from the damn roots or it just won’t work. He also had a lot of therapy but that was his own initiative.

There’s a bit more to this and to why I ended up rekindling things, but ultimately the biggest lesson is boundaries or nothing. Also men know what they’re doing to you, don’t think they don’t or that they don’t mean it.

I understand your curiosity, these things also haunt me sometimes, but ultimately it makes no difference. They were both happy to play you.

OldrNWisr · Yesterday 21:49

Just dump him and work on yourself. Life is too short to play stupid games like this.

Flatwhiteeveryday · Yesterday 21:53

OldrNWisr · Yesterday 21:49

Just dump him and work on yourself. Life is too short to play stupid games like this.

Thank you! Very true!

OP posts:
whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 21:55

You got back together with a cheat. Of course he's going to cheat again! Have higher aspirations for yourself and dump him. Know your own worth.

grinandslothit · Yesterday 22:03

And does this guy have a wang made of gold or something?
You do realize that there are other men that you could date who wouldn't cheat on you?
Just delete and block him and stop unblocking him
Make a list of all the crappy things he's done to you when you have the urge to unblock him read that list until the urge goes away

Flatwhiteeveryday · Yesterday 22:11

grinandslothit · Yesterday 22:03

And does this guy have a wang made of gold or something?
You do realize that there are other men that you could date who wouldn't cheat on you?
Just delete and block him and stop unblocking him
Make a list of all the crappy things he's done to you when you have the urge to unblock him read that list until the urge goes away

This is a good idea! And in theory, I know what you mean! I have never been cheated on before ever, not that I know at least, and feels so crappy.

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