Is there something wrong with me?

[2SENBoys]

I could really use some advise/insight.

My dh and I have always had a great sex life (we have been married for 12 years 2 sons) I’m 37 and have started with perimenopause. In the past few months when we have had sex and I have had my orgasms and am (extremely) satisfied DH will ask if I want more sex. I say that I am more than satisfied. He thinks that I am rejecting him because he has a higher sex drive than me. I have tried to explain that I’m not rejecting him I am happy but he thinks I am getting bored with him or there’s something else wrong with our relationship. I have tried so many times to reassure him that I am happy in our relationship and there is nothing that I would change. I have had the fluctuating hormones and I am wondering if this is a symptom of perimenopause or am I missing something? I love DH with all my heart and soul and I hate seeing him so concerned about our relationship am I missing something he’s seeing?

Is he aware of the perimenopause and its impact?

although very young at 37

Has he also had an orgasm when you finish yours and tell him you’re satisfied? If so, why is he immediately asking for more sex?

There is obviously nothing wrong with you not wanting sex multiple times in a row and telling your partner that - he shouldn’t be putting pressure on your or trying to emotionally blackmail you into having more sex than you want

He does though I don’t think he understands fully. I have tried to explain it to him like this: it’s like you have just eaten a really good meal and you are full and satiated. He says you am just stopping sex completely which I do understand but it’s not because I am bored I am genuinely happy.

I don’t understand why he’s making an issue out of you not wanting sex again immediately after…sex?

Thats very unreasonable of him tbh, if he’s making you saying no about feeling rejected.

What are you just stopping completely? You’re still having sex with him?

Either way, if he struggles to grasp fluctuating sex drives in women then I imagine this just be the tip of the iceberg

e. In the past few months when we have had sex and I have had my orgasms and am (extremely) satisfied DH will ask if I want more sex.

maybe he isn’t “extremely satisfied”

but seriously… he’s whinging you’re not after a second round straight after the first?

There have been times recently that I have stopped before he has finished

I don’t quite follow, are you saying that you have had an orgasm and then stopping, is this a change from how things used to be ?
has he had an orgasm at this stage ?

I’m sorry if I’m not making sense. Recently, he has not orgasmed yet but I have stopped because I am satisfied. So I do understand the rejection feeling in his side.

“2SENBoys · Today 17:53
I’m sorry if I’m not making sense. Recently, he has not orgasmed yet but I have stopped because I am satisfied. So I do understand the rejection feeling in his side.”

So isn’t the problem here that you’re stopping before he’s finished? After all, it’s about pleasure for both of you. Like all well-mannered men, my DH likes to ensure i have had my pleasure first but then I remain engaged long enough for him also to finish. It’s not just rejection. It’s rather selfish just to stop after your orgasm.

No. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Him on the other hand…

You are totally right! Omg 😨. Wow….. thank you so much for that! I think I am so caught up in trying to prevent these feelings of his that I totally lost sight of his ACTUAL feelings!

Well yes… I mean I thought that was obvious in healthy relationships.
@2SENBoys - have you considered this? Also are you sure you’re in Peri? Have you had your hormones checked?

@Yogafiend - it does seem obvious which makes me wonder whether I’ve misunderstood and @2SENBoys is being sarcastic in her latest post! Either way, agreed that 37 seems early for perimenopause and may be worth checking but perhaps OP has already.

i am so sorry if that post came across as sarcastic that was not my intention at all. That was a genuine thank you (apologies again). What I meant was that I am disregarding the shared pleasure element because I’m so aware of his worry of my satisfaction.

Oh come on now!

If it genuinely didn't occur to you that he might want to orgasm too, and the "I'm alright jack" routine is wearing thin.. then it's not your hormones that are the problem, it's your brain.

So many weird "situations" being posted lately.

It definitely sounds like you're being a bit selfish. I get that maybe you're done, but couldn't you at least finish him off another way.

DP and I will often have assymetrical sex, where one of us pleasures the other and that's it, buts it's always the one doing the work who initiates and says they don't need anything in return. If we both want an orgasm, then we give each other an orgasm, surely it's just mean otherwise.

Okay, so do you offer to finish him by hand or something if you don’t want any more sex ( 100% your choice)

What a weird thread

So you're having sex, you orgasm and then shut up shop leaving your dh high and dry.
Yes, that's unreasonable and I'd be very unhappy if I were him.

Thank you all for your insight it is hugely appreciated! I can see that this problem lies with me. And it’s definitely a head slap moment. Truly you are all wonderful people and thank you for showing me a mirror that I was (very obviously) blind to.

Alright calm down

i think you need to first to be clear what the actual issue is because the entire thread is as clear as mud

Yeah I take back my comment given the drip feed…