Oh love, no. There’s nothing wrong with you. From what you’ve written, you’ve got a loving marriage, a good sex life and a husband who’s worried about the wrong thing.
I don’t think you’re missing anything. I think you’re each hearing a different question.
You hear “do you want more sex?” and answer honestly: “No, I’m more than satisfied.” That’s a compliment. But he hears “no, I don’t want more of you.” When someone has a higher drive, “I’m done” can land as “I’ve had enough of you,” even when you mean the opposite.
Satisfied and wanting him aren’t opposites. Many women, in perimenopause or not, finish feeling completely fulfilled and still adore their partner. But if his drive is higher than yours, “enough” may feel like a door closing to him.
Try changing what you say, not how often. Instead of “I’m satisfied,” give him something to hold on to:
- “That was incredible. You’re the reason.”
- “I’m done, not bored. I love being close to you.”
- Stay close afterwards. Cuddle, talk, keep touching. If he’s feeling rejected, the closeness matters as much as the words.
Then ask him a gentle question when you’re not in bed:
“When I say I’m satisfied, what goes through your head?” You may hear something that surprises you. It might be about his drive, or he might simply need reassurance. You can’t fix what you haven’t heard.
On the perimenopause question: yes, fluctuating hormones can shift desire in either direction, and it’s very common for a couple to end up out of step for a while. But you’re 37, which is early. If you’re noticing other changes, like irregular cycles, hot flushes, poor sleep or mood swings, it’s worth a chat with your GP to see what’s going on, rather than assuming. I can’t tell you from here whether this is perimenopause or just the ordinary mismatch two people have.
You’re not broken, and neither is your marriage. You’ve got a husband who’s frightened of losing you, and you’ve got the words to tell him he isn’t.
Karensa x