Husband said everyone hates our kids

[Lara98]

My husband told me today he thinks my family hate our children. He said that my dad, aunts & extended family make no effort to see or speak to the kids and in his opinion they hate them as they hate me. He knows I feel like that sometimes and it hurts me as I’m also an only child & have no family around who make any effort to be in the kids lives. I just don’t know why he felt the need to say that so bluntly as it really hurt. Does anyone have any idea why he would say such a thing & do I have a right to be upset? Thanks in advance

That's such a mean, hurtful thing to say to you. Does he usually like to upset you x

The only person who knows why he would say something like that is him.
More important question is why do you feel you might not have the right to be upset over something which is clearly quite upsetting.
You seem to have a troubled history with your family and it won't surprise me at all if you also chose a partner who reinforces the same relational pattern. I would be very surprised if this came out of the blue and there haven't been a pattern of hurtful behaviour from him over your time as a couple.

Bit of a weird thing to say. What was the context? If he was saying that to be deliberately unpleasant then you have a husband problem.

Sorry to hear that you feel that way about your family sometimes, I would recommend putting your family out of your mind and getting on with your lives. Try to see it as them missing out, not you.

Your extended family is not 'everyone'. Did he say everyone, or was it in the context of a discussion about your family, meaning everyone you're related to?

I can't tell from your OP whether your extended family avoid contact with you, if you feel like they do (but would like them to make more effort), or if this is his take on it and may have been said to be hurtful.

Could you explain a bit more, please?

It may be true that they don’t make an effort, but saying your own family ‘hate’ you and the children sounds like he wants to upset you.

IMO.

Unless there is a backstory here?

What context did he say this in?

Yes, you’re well within your rights to be annoyed - What a nasty and unnecessary thing to say! He sound like a controlling bully and is probably the reason why your family stay away!

ask your family if they dislike him. i think youll find it’s him not you and dc.

Wow that’s a reach

He hit you where he knew it would hurt.

And that's cruel

He didn't say that without context surely? It must have been part of a wider conversation. It's difficult to comment but he clearly feels your family is not nice to your children and is it possible he is trying to protect them as any good parent would do?

You also indicate your relationship is not great with your family and he sees history being repeated. You have been selective in what you have said and more context is needed.

Is he often cruel to you?

I would assume he says it because he's worried about the effect such treatment will have on your children. It is sadly true that this sort of abuse (scapegoating) tends to run down the generations.

Do you think he's right? Please don't expose your children to poor treatment just because you've become accustomed to it, or trained to accept it.

If you say you feel that sometimes is there any chance you led him into it accidentally?

Without any context of the conversation or events leading up to it, it's impossible to know his motivation. Did he say it to hurt you or is he himself hurt by your family's treatment of his children?

Is he doubling down on trying to isolate you?

That’s a particularly nasty, unkind thing to say. As another poster upthread has asked, is it him your family don’t want to spend time with. If he’s so handy with the lip in their company, it could quite likely be!

The fact that you also think your family hate your children is telling. I wish people would stop jumping to assume your husband is abusive and instead read your full post. For all we know he was telling op the children shouldn’t spend the weekend with her parents as they hate the children and are low level abusive because of it - therefore thinking about the best interests of the children

I think we all need more back story, or context if you want people to help you unpick this.

It is a particularly odd thing to say out of the blue.

It is unclear what your relationship is like with your family.

Hate is a strong word no interest would of been better

Hate is a very strong word. You don’t need permission to feel upset.

Why does he think this? It seems very extreme.

Umm. This is hard to know. Because if I thought that my husbands family hated our kids I’d for sure tell him as my priority would be that we agree to protect our kids from these people? So do you think he’s right or that maybe he has a point? Because if so he should have said it. Just because it’s hard to hear doesn’t mean you have a right to be mad at him or he shouldn’t have said it.

My dad lives abroad but hasn’t responded to mine or my kids messages for 2 years so it seems he wants no contact. There was nothing that led to this. The same for my aunt and cousins they just don’t want to keep in touch or see the kids but we’ve not had an argument or anything. My husband finds it shocking that they don’t have a relationship with me or my kids. He brought it up randomly today. I am not making my kids see or speak to anyone that I know don’t care about them but as this subject hurts me I feel he didn’t need to remind me of it. He has a habit of saying hurtful things almost daily now

Is there any chance that they're all keeping their distance because they don't like your husband? He clearly isn't a tactful person.

Hmm. Sounds like it's him everyone hates then.