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Original poster

He told her about me, but didn’t tell me about her

49 replies

MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 14:57

I’ve been seeing a guy for a while, but it’s not exclusive. I find out through a message on his phone he has another woman he’s seeing, and has been for a while. He’s told her about me, but he didn’t tell me about her. I’m so gutted, he obviously felt he needed to be honest with her but not with me, like he was afraid to lose her but not me.

OP posts:
gratefulmezze · 03/10/2026 14:58

Or vice versa he was more afraid of losing you? ....bet seriously checking his phone is a massive red flag.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 03/10/2026 15:00

My 2p...

He's shit testing her to see what she'll tolerate.
He's dishonest and doesnt respect you.
He is terrible choice of life partner either way. A guy who isn't a dick and actually likes you will just wants to be with you (and only you) and wants to close the deal asap.... he doesnt want to keep wandering around "to see what's available".
This guy belongs in the bin.

You need better boundaries and to work on your self esteem...

Separately... If anything he "liked" you more so didnt want to risk telling you.
But that doesnt matter becaue he is a clown.

Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:01

gratefulmezze · 03/10/2026 14:58

Or vice versa he was more afraid of losing you? ....bet seriously checking his phone is a massive red flag.

I didn’t go through his phone, he left it face up and the message came through. I saw what was on it.

OP posts:
ShitFacedShakespeare · 03/10/2026 15:04

I’m not familiar with non exclusive relationships but don’t they mean both people are free to see others?

Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:05

Yes, we’re free to see other people with the caveat that we’re honest about it. He hasn’t been, not to me anyway!

OP posts:
CamillaMcCauley · 03/10/2026 15:07

If you’re happy for him to see other women, why would it matter if he tells you about them or not?

MissMoneyFairy · 03/10/2026 15:13

Just ditch him, it's not worth the agro, plus if he's into non exclusive relationships you'll never know who is ihagging who so don't put your heart or health at risk

grinandslothit · 03/10/2026 15:15

Are you also seeing someone else?

morart · 03/10/2026 15:16

CamillaMcCauley · 03/10/2026 15:07

If you’re happy for him to see other women, why would it matter if he tells you about them or not?

This. In face in the unlikely event I was happy with that set up i think I would far rather not know the details.

Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:16

I’m not at the moment, in any serious way. Its more that he was honest with her and not with me.

OP posts:
grinandslothit · 03/10/2026 15:19

MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:16

I’m not at the moment, in any serious way. Its more that he was honest with her and not with me.

I guess I'm wondering why you would agree to this type of thing? Is it what you really looking for?

Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:21

Not long term, I guess I was dumb enough to think this would go somewhere else as to all intents and purposes he seemed to genuinely like me, in an actions not just words way. And yet!

OP posts:
CamillaMcCauley · 03/10/2026 15:29

MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:21

Not long term, I guess I was dumb enough to think this would go somewhere else as to all intents and purposes he seemed to genuinely like me, in an actions not just words way. And yet!

I think it’s a mistake to agree to a non-exclusive relationship in order to hang onto someone if what you are really after is an exclusive relationship.

StrawberryMatchaLatte · 03/10/2026 15:32

If the agreement is that he can see other women, why do you need to know if he is or isn't? You have given him the go ahead already by going along with it. Don't trust a man who you aren't in an exclusive relationship with.

grinandslothit · 03/10/2026 15:36

MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:21

Not long term, I guess I was dumb enough to think this would go somewhere else as to all intents and purposes he seemed to genuinely like me, in an actions not just words way. And yet!

I think you know what to do then

There are so many men out there. willies are cheap and plentiful you truly do not have to compromise in any way

Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:39

Why would he do that though? Why tell one person you’re dating but not the other one when that’s the agreement??

OP posts:
Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:40

grinandslothit · 03/10/2026 15:36

I think you know what to do then

There are so many men out there. willies are cheap and plentiful you truly do not have to compromise in any way

Show quote history

‘willies are cheap and plentiful’ thanks for actually making me laugh today 😁

OP posts:
Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:41

I’m not saying some PP are missing the point slightly, but whatever my personal feelings, the agreement is we tell each other if we’re seeing other people. He’s told this other woman he’s dating but hasn’t told me, that’s what’s made me feel so totally undervalued.

like, it’s ok to be evasive with me but not with her.

OP posts:
glendabrownlow · 03/10/2026 15:43

Just get rid of him. Maybe do some work on your self esteem if you think it's ok for him to dick around while he is sort of but sort of not with you. Get an STI test too.

CamillaMcCauley · 03/10/2026 15:44

MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:41

I’m not saying some PP are missing the point slightly, but whatever my personal feelings, the agreement is we tell each other if we’re seeing other people. He’s told this other woman he’s dating but hasn’t told me, that’s what’s made me feel so totally undervalued.

like, it’s ok to be evasive with me but not with her.

Edited

What’s your reason for wanting to know if he’s seeing someone else?

canyouletthedogoutplease · 03/10/2026 15:45

MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:41

I’m not saying some PP are missing the point slightly, but whatever my personal feelings, the agreement is we tell each other if we’re seeing other people. He’s told this other woman he’s dating but hasn’t told me, that’s what’s made me feel so totally undervalued.

like, it’s ok to be evasive with me but not with her.

Edited

He's doing what suits him best. He feels entitled not to uphold the deal you had regarding honesty about who else you were shagging.

Get an STD test asap, get rid of him because he is a liar who says one thing and does another, and that way madness lies. Sack him off. Have a good think about whether you're interested in shagging men who are shagging other women. It's certainly not for everyone.

glendabrownlow · 03/10/2026 15:48

I've just thought of something else you could do, OP, after dumping the clown. You could ask him why he told her but didn't tell you?

Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:48

canyouletthedogoutplease · 03/10/2026 15:45

He's doing what suits him best. He feels entitled not to uphold the deal you had regarding honesty about who else you were shagging.

Get an STD test asap, get rid of him because he is a liar who says one thing and does another, and that way madness lies. Sack him off. Have a good think about whether you're interested in shagging men who are shagging other women. It's certainly not for everyone.

Show quote history

You’re right. At the end of the day this was only six months of my life. Still hurts to be the one who didn’t deserve honesty though.

OP posts:
Original poster
MarilynMerlot · 03/10/2026 15:50

glendabrownlow · 03/10/2026 15:48

I've just thought of something else you could do, OP, after dumping the clown. You could ask him why he told her but didn't tell you?

He doesn’t know I saw her text, the one where she reassured him nothing would change and it didn’t matter who he fell for 🙄

OP posts:
glendabrownlow · 03/10/2026 15:52

You could tell him you accidentally saw the text? Good job you don't have a baby with him, if it's all the same to her whether he's shagging you as well as her.