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Original poster

Bailiffs!

52 replies

FairCoralCat · 02/10/2026 10:02

Hi everyone,
My DP (we’re engaged but not married) has now subjected me to two bailiff visits in a matter of months.
Both times he’s been at work and I’ve been home with the DCs.
I have had no idea anyone would be visiting the house for this purpose and I’m upset, embarrassed and furious. What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
ILoveKits · 02/10/2026 10:04

I'd leave him.

cartagenagina · 02/10/2026 10:04

I would be planning my exit.

Ihavetohope · 02/10/2026 10:05

You know you cannot marry this man op

glendabrownlow · 02/10/2026 10:07

I had this for years with my ex - debt you didn't know existed. He won't change - get rid.

Notgonnatalkabouttheweather · 02/10/2026 10:07

Concerning you feel the need to ask

Very concerning the pair of you have children together

rjfiih · 02/10/2026 11:10

Don't marry him.
Get rid of him.

CleanSkin · 02/10/2026 11:17

What reasons has he given you for these bailiff visits, @FairCoralCat
Obviously we can assume that he has unpaid debts, ones that he will have known about for some time. What had he told you about his finances previously? What has he said now? What are his expectations of you and indeed yours of him?
There seem to be a hell of a lot of secrets behind this situation & that bodes very badly for the future - please check out the details & ensure that none of this debt is in any way associated with your name.
I totally agree with PPs who say you can’t marry him.
Best wishes in sorting this asap.

outerspacepotato · 02/10/2026 11:32

You've had not one, but two wakeup calls. Do not tie yourself legally to this guy. He's in serious debt. You will have nothing but anxiety if you do. You will not have a nice home for your family, you won't have money, you'll live hand to mouth dreading every knock at the door. Is that how you want to live your life?

Lock down your credit immediately and check your credit report to see he hasn't taken out a loan or credit cards in your name. It's time to split up.

HambleTheDoll · 02/10/2026 11:33

Leave him of course. Why, what are you going to do?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/10/2026 11:38

Do not fucking marry him!

Ihavetohope · 02/10/2026 11:38

outerspacepotato · 02/10/2026 11:32

You've had not one, but two wakeup calls. Do not tie yourself legally to this guy. He's in serious debt. You will have nothing but anxiety if you do. You will not have a nice home for your family, you won't have money, you'll live hand to mouth dreading every knock at the door. Is that how you want to live your life?

Lock down your credit immediately and check your credit report to see he hasn't taken out a loan or credit cards in your name. It's time to split up.

All of this with bells on.

Assume he is marrying you op unfortunately to make you co-liable for his debts, once you sign on the dotted line.

You need to also be wary that there might be an underlying cause of this secret debt, gambling, addiction, OW etc.

You can use lots of the info on SEA surviving economic abuse, and I would think about reaching out to the DA helpline.

You need to pull your credit files with the main scoring agencies (Equifax etc) and check you haven't been signed up for CC in your name by him. It's fraud, but it happens. Ask me how I know.

Get legal advice, listen to the pps on MN and be on your guard

shhblackbag · 02/10/2026 11:43

outerspacepotato · 02/10/2026 11:32

You've had not one, but two wakeup calls. Do not tie yourself legally to this guy. He's in serious debt. You will have nothing but anxiety if you do. You will not have a nice home for your family, you won't have money, you'll live hand to mouth dreading every knock at the door. Is that how you want to live your life?

Lock down your credit immediately and check your credit report to see he hasn't taken out a loan or credit cards in your name. It's time to split up.

All of this. There is zero chance I'd be staying with a person who would put me though something like that.

gamerchick · 02/10/2026 11:46

How much debt is he in?

I probably wouldn't marry him any time soon. You don't want to be tied legally to him

exhaustedandoverit · 02/10/2026 11:48

What’s the debt for OP? Is it something you’re aware of?

Bananalanacake · 02/10/2026 12:21

Are your kids his?
Who owns the property you live in.
Could you possibly live separately but stay in a relationship with him, and obviously refuse to combine finances.

omghereistrouble · 02/10/2026 12:39

how is the debt being amassed? gambling, taking out loans then not paying. drugs?
whatever the cause you need to safeguard yourself and that probably means leaving

BillieWiper · 02/10/2026 12:42

Don't marry him. Spilt up. If bailiffs come again say he's your ex and show them anything in the house that belongs to him. And let them take it. I'd kick him out for sure.

It's the dishonesty as well as poor financial management that is the deal breaker.

Dontcallmescarface · 02/10/2026 13:00

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT marry this man. As other's have said you will be tied with his debts and if he can't pay them, then you will have to, regardless of whether you knew about the debts or not. Ask me how I know this.

ginasevern · 02/10/2026 13:28

This will be your life going forward if you marry him OP. You'll end up losing the roof over your children's heads. Get out now and run for the hills.

Dweetfidilove · 02/10/2026 13:33

outerspacepotato · 02/10/2026 11:32

You've had not one, but two wakeup calls. Do not tie yourself legally to this guy. He's in serious debt. You will have nothing but anxiety if you do. You will not have a nice home for your family, you won't have money, you'll live hand to mouth dreading every knock at the door. Is that how you want to live your life?

Lock down your credit immediately and check your credit report to see he hasn't taken out a loan or credit cards in your name. It's time to split up.

Please pay attention to this @FairCoralCat .
Don't be dragged down with this man.

CurlewKate · 02/10/2026 13:37

What is the debt for? A long time ago, I had a bailiff visit because I ignored a parking ticket. But not twice.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/10/2026 13:41

FairCoralCat · 02/10/2026 10:02

Hi everyone,
My DP (we’re engaged but not married) has now subjected me to two bailiff visits in a matter of months.
Both times he’s been at work and I’ve been home with the DCs.
I have had no idea anyone would be visiting the house for this purpose and I’m upset, embarrassed and furious. What would you do in this situation?

I would be asking him what the fuck is going on that you've had TWO bailiff visits in a short space of time. Bailiffs are a last resort for creditors so he's got an ongoing debt problem he seems to be ignoring and that you don't know about.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/10/2026 13:42

Sorry just seen other people saying the same thing. RTFT....

Lmnop22 · 02/10/2026 13:42

Did the bailiff mention anything at all like how much the debt was? What it related to?

The fact that your DP could amass a debt and ignore it for so long that bailiffs came TWICE is a red flag. What did he say the first time they came? Did he offer an explanation for what it related to? Clearly he didn’t pay it or they wouldn’t have come back so what did he do about it? Or did he pay that and this is a different debt?

Original poster
FairCoralCat · 02/10/2026 14:11

these are separate debts as he’s paying the first one back. The bailiff would only talk to him.
I can’t invite people over now just in case someone comes to the door!
I won’t marry him and I won’t have a joint bank account (he wants one)!

OP posts: